Fic: Five Thousand Roses 1/3
Huh, I kind of forgot to post this here. This is the female!Tony Stark story that has been eating my life for the last months.
Title: Five Thousand Roses
Author:
forestgreen
Fandom: Marvel Movies Universe
Raiting: NC-17
Characters: Tony Stark, Rhodey, Maria Stark, Howard Stark, Peggy Carter, Pepper Potts, Obadiah Stane, JARVIS
Notes: This story wouldn't exist without
akelios. Thank you! ❤ All remaining mistakes are mine.
Summary: She is broken and all the more dangerous for it. The world should tread carefully around the shards of her former self lest they cut themselves on Antonia Stark's sharp edges.
“People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses
in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni's first memory is the sharp, burning shock of electricity. She remembers with crystal clarity the way her father picked her up and checked her over. He'd squatted next to her and wiped the tears off her face as he explained how electricity worked, showing her how to take the power socket apart and put it back together. Toni had watched mesmerized, pain and fear forgotten. "Now me," she'd demanded, grabbing for the screwdriver. Her father had ruffled her hair with a laugh and let her have it.
She'd wanted to keep the memory for herself, but somehow she ends up sharing it with the world in one talk show or another. The story spreads like wildfire.
"My mind was born to electricity," is one of the first quotes Google spits out when you type in 'Antonia Stark.'
Of all the half-truths and outright lies her public image is made of, that quote is the one Toni likes the most.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni's favorite superhero growing up is Batman. It's her biggest secret. He doesn't need superpowers to save the day, just intelligence and money. Toni has both to spare. When she grows up, she's going to be a superhero just like him.
Her room is filled to the brim with Captain America toys, and the walls are covered with dozens of Captain America posters. She owns every single comic and is the only child in the world with an exact replica of his shield.
"Who's your favorite hero?" her dad asks her every night.
"Captain America," Toni answers. It's the first lie she learns to get away with.
The thing she likes the most about Batman is that he's never been real, and her father doesn't need to find his body.
Toni hates summer with its long string of endless days. She's cooped up in Malibu, dressed up in pink and pastels, curtsying left and right, with only her mother and her society friends for company. She strikes off the days on her Captain America wall calendar while she waits for her father to return from his Arctic trip. If she's a bit more forceful with her pen on the days printed over Captain America's face, no one notices.
Toni screams with joy when her father comes back and thanks him when he gives her yet another Captain America toy. The summer is finally over, and her dad is hers again. They're going to build a robot dog together. She's going to give it pointy ears and call it Bat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her parents are fighting about her again. These days, they are always fighting about her.
She tries to concentrate on her homework, but the math isn't hard enough to keep her attention. She's skipped two grades already, and the math is still too easy. School bores her. She'd rather spend her days working with her dad in the Stark Industries' labs.
"She's a girl, Howard!" Her mother's voice carries through the empty corridor. Toni sighs. She's heard it all before. "She should be allowed to grow up normally." Toni wonders if the two of them ever tire of having the same argument.
"Toni isn't normal. She's a genius, like me, like my father. When she's running Stark Industries she'll need-"
"This is insanity, Howard. Antonia isn't going to run your company," Maria screams. "Her husband will. You've filled that girl's head with your crazy dreams. God knows I wanted to give you a son, but Antonia isn't a substitute. She's a girl! She can't run around wearing pants and oil smeared t-shirts forever. She needs to learn what it means to be a proper woman."
"I didn't want a son," her dad screams back. "I didn't want any children! Getting pregnant was your idea."
The tip of Toni's fountain pen snaps. The ink spreads all over her notebook before she can stop it, ruining her homework. Down the corridor, her parents are still yelling at each other. Toni ignores the voices, ignores the way the pit of her stomach hurts or how her head pounds. She can write off tinkering in the workshop tonight. By the time night falls her father will be too drunk to be of any use, and her mother won't be any better.
"I don't care what you or the board expect," her father is still arguing. "Toni is a Stark first and foremost! She's not going to be some society wife." Toni knows that tone. It's the passionate certainty of a visionary who wants people to see.
She knows what her father's friends whisper behind his back. They call Toni 'Howard's next crazy experiment.' No better than the flying car or the arc reactor-clever and brilliant to show, but still useless.
Toni is going to prove them wrong. Even her dad. Howard just wants her to carry on his legacy, but Toni wants more for herself. She's just Howard Stark's daughter now, but when she's done reshaping science and modern warfare it will be her face people remember when they hear the name Stark.
Antonia Stark's father, that's how she wants history to remember Howard.
Toni rips off the ruined pages of her notebook and does her homework again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In her high school senior year, Toni's body catches up with her mind. She's two years younger than everyone else in her class, but she's already taller than her mother. Her body is like a foreign country made out of valleys and soft hills where flat plains used to be.
"You're beautiful, Antonia," her mother tells her with the same proprietary tone her father says, "You're brilliant, Toni," as if that's the only thing she needs to be. As if that's the only thing about her that matters.
She notices the way boys look at her now and likes it. There's an ache between her legs in that one place no one really likes to talk about that leaves her craving more than just looks. At night, when she's alone in her room, she imagines what it'd be like to let them touch with their hands the places on her body their eyes are constantly following. She lays still in the darkness and pretends her hands are theirs.
This new body of her fascinates her, and she sets off to explore it with a thoroughness she'd only ever given machines before.
It isn't that Toni doesn't understand the tacit rules of life, it's just that she isn't used to rules applying to her. As Howard Stark's only child she's never been well versed in abstinence. When her own hands stop being enough, she sits next to Ethan Godfrey during lunch, smiles as her mother taught her and lowers her eyes just so.
The world is hers by right. So she takes it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slut.
Bitch.
Whore.
Baby.
I love you.
Don't leave me.
Why?
Bitch.
Fucking whore.
Slut.
Slut.
By the time Toni leaves for college, she's heard it all.
'People are no better than sharks, Antonia,' her mother told her once when Toni had been small enough to think her infallible. 'If they smell blood, they'll attack. Smile at them, and never let them know it hurts. A smile is a woman's best weapon.'
It's the best advice her mother ever gave her.
Toni smiles until her face hurts and it feels like a victory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's the summer of 81. The air is filled with the buzz of change, and Toni's blood burns with the excitement of things yet to come. For the first time ever her father forgoes his yearly Arctic expedition to stay with her. Toni will be going to MIT in the fall and life has never seemed more promising.
Her father takes his favorite car and personally drives her from New York all the way up to Cambridge. Her mother flies from L.A. and meets them there. Toni's surprised she bothered.
Her dad at MIT is a whole other person. He comes alive as he shows them the campus, sharing with Toni stories of the shenanigans he and his friends got up to. Her mother laughs along with them and tentatively shares some stories of her own youth. Toni can't remember the last time the three of them were able to truly enjoy one another's company.
It's a wonderful summer day. The sky is bright blue with only the sun for company. Toni wants to freeze this moment in time and stay there forever. And yet, like every other summer of her life, she can't wait for fall to come. The future is calling her and Toni aches to meet it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni and her mother are sitting on a bench near Alpha Theta Sigma Chi's frat house, waiting for Howard.
If she'd been born male, Toni would've been inside the house now, together with her father, getting to know her future frat brothers. She's a female, though. And women, Toni has been told, are not allowed inside frat houses. School rules.
She expects her father to buy her way in, the way he's done every time Toni's been denied something. Instead, Howard smiles at her and says, "Toni, darling, why don't you go with your mother to the park and wait for me there? I'll meet you later. I just want to see what the younger brothers have done with the old place."
Toni and her mom don't have much in common these days. When the two of them are alone, Toni finds herself at a loss for words, desperately searching for something to say to break the awkward silence.
"I'll have Howard buy you a house close to the campus," Maria says out of the blue, startling Toni.
Toni sighs. "I don't need a house, Mom. I'll room at McCormick Hall with the other girls."
"I know you don't think much of me, Antonia," her mother says, looking into the distance. "I don't understand machines or physics. I can't follow when Howard and you start talking shop, and half the time you're convinced I'm the enemy."
"Mom, that's not tr-" Toni protests.
"No, don't interrupt," her mother cuts her off. "I want to say my piece." She goes on, voice even, "I have no delusions that I'll ever be anything but the Wicked Witch in the novel of your life, but you have to understand that I-no, that's not true." She huffs out a laugh. "Understanding is probably too much to ask. I want you to know that I do love you, Antonia. I've always wanted only the best for you. A good man, with a head for numbers and a heart for diplomacy. One who'd run the company for you so that you can spend your days in the workshop, tinkering with your toys and inventing things. Being happy."
Her mother raises a hand as if to caress Toni's cheek, but stops herself at the last second. "I don't think you'll be happy being the company's CEO, but you've made your choice and even though I don't agree, I want you to succeed, Antonia. I might not know machines, but I know men. Don't think for a second they'll give you anything without charging five times the price. If you want to run your dad's company, being a genius inventor won't be enough."
"Dad-" Toni starts to say but her mother interrupts her.
"Your father is a man. He gets things for free you'll have to fight tooth and nail for. He's there now, isn't he?" she says as she points to the fraternity house. "Inside the house, with his brothers, talking about man things, while you and I sit here on a bench in the park and wait for him to come pick us up."
Toni shakes her head and sighs. "He just wanted to see the house, Mom," she breathes out.
"The house. The world. What's the difference?" her mother says, eyes cold. "Men will try to keep you out and tell you it's the rules. So you need to play their games better than they do. And you need to know what the rules are, because life will force you to break them.
"We'll get you your own house, Antonia," her mother continues, and Toni knows there's no use arguing when she gets like that. "Everything new and state of the art, as befits the heiress of Stark Industries. Let them be the ones outside, wanting to get in."
Toni's father taught her to build weapons, but it's her mother who teaches her how to use them. Toni never gets the chance to thank her for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her mother gives her diamond studs as a farewell present and Toni hides them as soon as she's at MIT. She buys plastic hoops instead, almost as big as her face. Her father gets her a brand new cherry red Corvette and Toni flaunts it around campus. She drives with the top down, in love with the way people stare after her as she speeds by. She feels powerful and sexy at the wheel of that sleek red beast with so much horsepower all to herself.
The best present of all she gives herself: a fake ID that says she's 21, good enough to pass the toughest scrutiny.
College is everything Toni thought it would be and yet completely different. It's her first time away from home, but she's too busy making friends and going out to really notice that she misses it. She talks quantum physics one second, and politics the next. She has heated discussions about string theory and applied math, theology, sex, Star Wars, Schrödinger's cat, social rights, women, music, war, men.
For Toni, life at MIT comes in waves, measured in midterms and finals with never ending nights of partying in between. She dresses in neon bright mini-skirts and leg warmers, owns stretch pants and oversized tops in every color she can think of. She spends hours backcombing her hair and goes through a bottle of hair spray every couple of weeks. MTV runs non-stop in her house. If it's loud and makes it onto MTV, Toni loves it-her taste in music isn't more discerning than that. AC/DC, The Police, The Cure, David Bowie, The Go-Go's, Prince, Air Supply, Bryan Adams-she loves them all; would have sex with each and every one of them given half the chance.
She walks into bars as if she owns them and leans on the counter absolutely conscious of how it makes her mini-skirt ride up. By the time she's done dragging a cigarette to her mouth, men are offering her a light and asking if they can buy her a drink. Just the idea of how the evening will end gets her wet. She smiles and takes the drink, the light . . . and everything else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She joins the AI Lab, even though everyone tells her it's just a shadow of what it used to be, before copyright laws hit the nascent software industry, and LMI and Symbolics stole MIT's best hackers. She's the only female in the group, but Toni doesn't care. She's getting used to being the only female almost everywhere.
Computers are the future. Toni knows it, understands it, lives it every day. Software is going to revolutionize the weapons industry-probably all industries, but Toni doesn't care much about the rest; she knows where she's heading.
She dreams up automatic targeting systems that will minimize death tolls, intelligent robots that will increase production yield, computerized communication systems, broader uses for existing military satellites. It all seems impossible now, but Toni sees the seeds springing up around her.
When she tells her father, he laughs and says she's reading too much science fiction. Toni is left reeling with the realization that her dad doesn't get it, that she's leaving him behind. Her father-the genius inventor, the crazy dreamer, her first and best teacher-is so blinded by the now that he can't see the future.
'He's getting old,' Toni thinks to herself.
It terrifies her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni breaks thirteen mugs, two coffee pots and one sugar bowl before people at the AI Lab stop asking her to clear the table after meetings. The first two times aren't even on purpose-balancing mugs on a tablet is harder than it looks. The other times . . . well . . . sometimes a girl has to give social progress a push.
"Do you want me to help?" Toni asks with the sweetest smile she can fake, reaching for the empty coffee pot.
There's choir of "No! Don't worry about it. We've got it covered," before she's even done asking.
Toni makes it to the bathroom-the one that's just hers by virtue of being the only woman on the team-closes the door and bites her hand to keep herself from laughing out loud.
She's two months into the term when she first notices that she's the only one being asked to write minutes during meetings. Her first attempts to purposely leave things out or document them wrongly backfire. People, including professors, start questioning her capacity to understand the concepts being discussed and worry that she might not be able to keep up with the workload.
Toni's second attempt goes better. It's her tried and true method for dealing with most things-she creates a robot. It doesn't look much like a robot, just a box with an integrated mic attached to a computer with a speech recognition software Toni herself designed. It puts to shame everything else on the market.
She bats her eyelashes at two of her lab partners, and they carry GOSSIP into the next meeting for her. Toni sells it as the "necessary next step for Artificial Intelligence," and double-dog dares everyone in the room to take more accurate notes than her program. Toni leans back on her chair and enjoys the harried look on people's faces as they try to write down every word said.
GOSSIP still wins.
Professor Minsky is so blown away that he assigns Toni two lab minions to help her further improve the software. Toni tries not to abuse the power.
Much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Have you met any nice boys, Antonia?" her mother asks her over the phone.
Toni sighs, knowing where the conversation is going. "Mom, we've been through this. I didn't come to college to meet boys."
"I know that, darling," her mother says. "I just want-You have to start thinking about your future."
Toni closes her eyes and repeats to herself the first ten digits of pi. "Mom, I'm acing all my classes. The latest patent filed by SI was based on one of my ideas. I don't think I have to worry about my future."
"Antonia, there's more to life than machines. Even after you're the head of Stark Industries, you'll need to marry, have children," her mother insists in that cajoling tone that makes Toni want to hit something, as if Toni is being irrational.
"Stop trying to live my life for me. I'm not you. I don't want to be you," Toni snaps. She'd assumed that things between them were improving, as if buying a house at MIT could change anything. Whatever little peace they'd found had been just a respite in the battle of wills that is their relationship, not an end to the war. She'd been naive to think otherwise.
"I just want you to be happy," her mother whispers.
Toni laughs out loud. "I'm happy, Mom! Or I was, until you started this conversation. For fuck's sake!" She steamrolls over her mother's attempt to correct her language, "You have a husband you can barely stand and a daughter that . . . . Mom, when have either of us ever made you happy?"
"Antonia," her mother gasps. "Of course you make me happy. I love you."
Toni sighs, exhausted. "I know that, Mom. And I love you too. I just don't think we like each other much."
"You're your father's daughter, Antonia," Maria says before she hangs up, and means it as an insult.
Toni goes out and drinks herself stupid. She wakes up naked next to some guy whose name she doesn't remember (Dennis? Dave? Dorian? Something with D).
The room spins as Toni closes her eyes and fights off waves of nausea. She wants to call her mother and apologize for being such a crappy daughter. And she's furious with herself for wanting to apologize at all. It's her fucking life; she should be allowed to do with it whatever the fuck she wants.
Toni misses her childhood with sudden fierceness. Loving her parents didn't hurt this much back then.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I know which class is going to be my favorite this term," a student stage whispers the first time Toni walks into Aerospace Engineering and Design. His friends laugh along.
Their gazes linger on her ass as she passes by. "Hey, beautiful, if you ever need tutoring just say the word," he calls after her, and grabs her hand when she ignores him. "Come on, don't be like that. At least let me introduce myself."
Toni usually doesn't have a problem with guys lusting after her-three quarters of the times she wants the attention-but the insinuation that she might need help to pass the class hits her wrong.
She leans forward into his personal space and grins. "Let me guess," she says, loud enough for everyone to hear, "the name is Jerk, Stupid Jerk."
The room explodes with laughter as Mr. Jerk flushes bright red and tries to sink in on himself. Even his friends are laughing at him. See how he likes being the butt of the joke. Toni yanks her hand free and walks to the other end of the classroom.
The room is packed except for the far end of it, where a boy has been left alone with almost two rows of seats all to himself.
"Are these taken?" she asks, pointing to the empty seats next to him.
His eyes dart around as if making sure Toni is actually addressing him. "N-no," he stammers, pulling his books closer, making room for her to sit down.
She's rather charmed. "Antonia Stark. Friends call me Toni." She offers him her hand.
"I'm Rhodey," he says, and takes her hand with a shy smile. His handshake is firm without trying to prove something, and Toni gives him further points because he keeps his eyes trained on her face the whole time despite the rather low cut of her top.
By the end of the class, his eyes haven't slipped once. Toni is . . . impressed? offended? curious? She doesn't really know what she is, only that it requires further investigation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhodey puts his pen down, closes the book and sighs. "Okay, ask. Whatever it is. Out with it. You're driving me crazy."
Toni raises one eyebrow. "Uh, I've got no idea what you're talking about."
"I can feel you looking at me," Rhodey says.
"What? I can't look at people in my own house? Because that'll be kind of hard to enforce, what with you being right there and me-"
"I can feel you looking at me with intent," Rhodey interrupts her. "Just ask."
Toni crinkles her face with suspicion. They've known each other only three weeks and he's already able to see through her bullshit. She's sure that's cheating.
"Are you gay?" she finally asks point blank. There's no longer any point in being subtle.
"What?" Rhodey blinks. "Uh . . . No, of course not."
"You can tell me," Toni insists. "I know you wannabe military types have to be careful with that kind of information, but I won't tell anyone. I swear."
"Seriously, no, I'm not," Rhodey insists. "Where did you get that from?"
"I've been trying to get you into bed for weeks and you keep ignoring me," Toni says, a bit piqued. "Today I opened the door wearing nothing but a towel and you offered to come back later so that I could finish dressing."
Rhodey dry coughs. He peeks at Toni's body for a second before he catches himself and purposely fixes his eyes on her face. "I-I thought you were just flirting."
Toni gapes at him. "You thought-duh!"
"You flirt with everyone, Toni. It's like your default setting," he says. "I didn't want to make any assumptions."
"Assumptions?" It's Toni's time to blink. "What's there to assume other than the obvious?"
"Come on, Toni. It's not like a girl like you is going to be really interested in a guy like me," he says. "I like-I-You're the best study partner I could hope for. You have a grasp on aerodynamics like no one else in that class. I don't want to screw that up."
Toni raises her forefinger and watches him with narrowed eyes. "A girl like me? What's that even supposed to mean?"
Rhodey snorts. "I don't know. Pretty, rich . . . white?"
"Okay," Toni says, trying to digest that. "No, actually, it's not. I mean, is that an issue? You don't like pretty, rich, white girls or-"
"Don't play dumb, Toni. It doesn't suit you," Rhodey snaps. "Of course I like you. Everybody likes you; that's the point. Why would you want to be with me?"
Toni stares at him. "Why not?"
"Because I-I wouldn't even know what to . . . do," he admits and looks as though he wants the earth to swallow him. It's unbearably cute. "I haven't . . . ." His hands flail helplessly. "With anyone . . . before."
"That isn't a no," Toni clarifies, because she's still not clear on that. "It doesn't sound like a no."
Rhodey licks his lips and clears his throat. "It isn't."
Toni grin is dirty and filled with promises as she straddles his lap. "Well, honey-bear, you've got one thing right. I'm the best study partner you could hope for."
"D-don't call me that," Rhodey stammers, eyes impossibly wide.
"Oh, pumpkin-pie," Toni croons. "I'm going to have so much fun with you." She kisses his mouth shut before he can protest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things with Rhodey are . . . Toni can't really explain it. He breaks all of her carefully established rules without even meaning to.
Toni doesn't do sex with the same person more than twice. Three times tops. More than that and men start assuming things, as if spreading her legs to let them into her body is an open invitation to other parts of her life. One moment they're having sex and it's all glorious orgasms and afterglows; the next they're questioning why she spends so much time in her lab instead of with them, as if her time is theirs to dispose of.
Thus, Toni's golden rule of dating is born: no repeats unless the sex is very, very good, and even then proceed with caution.
Things with Rhodey get a bit out of control.
He's careful with her in ways no one has been before, in ways Toni didn't even know she wanted. For all that she sets out to teach him about sex, it's Rhodey who teaches her how much more fulfilling sex can be with a partner who's had more than three nights to learn Toni's body and its reactions. And learn it he does. He's new to it all, filled with wonder and enthusiasm. He treats every second with Toni like a precious gift, doesn't demand more than she's willing to give.
When she stands him up because she's too caught up with an experiment and loses track of time, he comes to check on her and brings her food. He laughs when she throws him out of her lab instead of becoming angry and issuing ultimatums, as if Toni being Toni is something he can't help but enjoy. It confuses her.
And then there's the outside world. Toni has never reacted well to people trying to impose their opinions on her. She's a Stark before anything else, and Starks, her father taught her, do whatever they want. Because they're geniuses, because they're filthy rich, because they can get away with it.
She notices the way people look at her when she's out with Rhodey-the disapproval, the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hint that she can do better, that she should do better, that her choice is wrong. It pisses her off. Giving Rhodey up feels like letting them win, and Toni hates losing. The more people expect her to dump him, the more they insist that she should, the harder she holds on. She flaunts Rhodey in their faces, kisses him where everyone can see, takes him to bars and parties, refuses to hide.
She verbally flails anyone stupid enough to try and say something to her face, and uses her name and her father's influence without a hint of remorse to utterly destroy the three assholes who dare show their disapproval with more than just words. Toni has been able to cry on command since she was five-Howard Stark is as powerless against her tears now as he was back then.
Toni's a dangerous enemy to have, and she makes damn sure people know it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Tuesdays, Rhodey has some sort of ROTC leadership training thing-y. Toni's disappointment at having to give him up for the day is softened by Rhodey putting on his cadet uniform. Toni keeps trying to make him late-cheap polyester on Rhodey does estrange things to her. She doesn't succeed, because Rhodey is a responsible, rule-abiding kind of guy, but Toni doesn't give up hope. There's always next week.
Since Rhodey isn't there, Tuesdays become girls' night out, which mostly consist of Toni and Susan, the only other female in her engineering class, drinking expensive wine and smoking pot at Toni's place without having to fend off stupid advances from guys who can't take a hint.
It's already well past midnight, but Toni doesn't have classes in the morning and there's still half a bottle of wine left. It's her duty as a Stark to help put the little thing out of its misery. Her dad would approve. She's sprawled on the couch, her feet resting on Susan's lap, as the two of them past a joint back and forth while MTV runs in the background.
"Have you thought how you'll break the news to your mother?" Susan asks her. "She's going to blow a gasket."
"What news?" Toni asks absently, balancing on the fine edge between tipsy and too-drunk.
"Rhodey," Susan says while her fingers trail up and down Toni's calf.
"What about him?"
"Come on, you've been together for over six months now. You took him along for spring break." Susan takes the joint out of Toni's hand, ignoring her protests and finishes it. "That's like a marriage proposal in your book."
Toni fakes a shudder. "Bite your tongue."
"I'm not kidding, sooner or later you're going to have to tell your parents and-"
"Susan, my mom is convinced I'm the Virgin Mary, and I have no intention whatsoever of dissuading her from that notion," Toni says.
Susan snorts. "What about daddy dearest?"
Toni shrugs. "We have an agreement. He doesn't comment on my sex life. I don't comment on his."
"Really?" Susan looks surprised.
Toni snorts. "He caught me in flagrante delecto back in high school. We had this very awkward talk about the value of discretion and propriety. I was forced to point out that I'd been keeping my mouth shut about his long string of affairs for over a decade and made it clear that I would expect the same courtesy."
"I pity your mother," Susan says.
Toni chuckles bitterly. "She knows. She's known longer than I have. She just pretends she doesn't." Toni imitates her mother's haughty voice, "Men have needs, Antonia. You'll understand when you're older." She sips her wine and exhales. "I'd have dumped his sorry ass ages ago."
Susan tilts her head and watches Toni with a puzzled expression. "I thought you liked your dad."
"So what?" Toni shrugs. "He's still an ass."
"The family life of the rich and famous," Susan says, shaking her head.
Toni drains the last of her glass and pours herself another. "Come off it. Money has nothing to do with it and you know it. As far as I am concerned, sex? Yeah, baby. Relationships? Hell, no."
"Maybe you should tell that to lover-boy," Susan says. "The way he looks at you, he's probably already saving for a ring."
Toni rolls her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Six months and counting, Toni, that's all I'm saying."
"The boy was a virgin when I got my hands into him," Toni says. "I'm just making sure he's trained good and proper before I release him back into the game. The sisterhood should thank me."
"You're such a giver," Susan deadpans.
"I know," Toni says and laughs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhodey turns down Toni's invitation to go with her to New York during summer break. It's the end of his sophomore year, and the Air Force wants to kidnap him for Field Training. It's grossly unfair, Toni thinks. Rhodey spent the whole term studying like a man possessed. He should get to enjoy summer like everyone else.
Instead, the Air Force expects him to spend his well-earned break crawling through mud and eating worms (maybe even rats) and doing stupid survival training exercises, or something equally inane. Weeks upon weeks without access to plumbing or any kind of technology, as if they were back in the Middle Ages. Toni's skin crawls just thinking about it.
Rhodey laughs it off, says she's being overly dramatic. He claims he's actually looking forward to it, but Toni can't see how. She's sure he's trying to put up a front for her. Cheer her up.
She doesn't want him to go. Toni has plans for the summer. Plans that involve sex, sex and more sex with some sightseeing thrown in for good measure. Maybe sex while sightseeing? She knows a place or two where that'd be possible. Besides, it'd be fun to see Rhodey get all flustered at the mere suggestion.
Best laid plans and all that.
She can't even work up a proper snit about it. Rhodey has a Toni-pique detector. Whenever she starts sulking, he distracts her with bouts of hot, desperate (sometimes angry) sex. She's finally convinced him that she isn't made out of glass, and fuck yeah, he aced that lesson too. Toni loves it when he's rough with her just as much as she loves it when he's gentle. These days, he just needs to look at her to know when she needs what. It's uncanny. They fit in a seamless way that makes it hard to remember there was a time when he wasn't part of her life, let alone imagine a day he might no longer be.
It makes the upcoming separation worse to bear. She doesn't want him to go.
She really doesn't want him to go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni's making some final adjustments to GOSSIP before she leaves for New York. Her baby is going to be flying all over the world in the cockpits of the new Stark Stealth Planes-and yeah, Toni's also the one who put the stealth into that name. At the rate she's going, she'll single-handedly end the Cold War, because the fucking Communists will die of envy.
She's somewhat startled when Rhodey storms into her lab and demands, "What did you do?"
"Uh . . . I didn't do anything. Whatever it was, it wasn't me," she says preemptively while she racks her brain for what she might have done to piss him off.
She's almost one hundred percent sure she didn't leave any traces when she upgraded his computer two days ago. She was extra careful, because Rhodey had weird hang-ups when it came to Toni giving him things. Getting him to keep the computer at all had been a nightmare disguised as a birthday present that ended in a fight. The make-up sex had been more than worth it, but she still treats all of Rhodey's computer improvements on strictly Need To Know Basis. And Rhodey doesn't need to know.
He waves a crumpled piece of paper in front of her face. "Damn it, Toni, this has your name written all over it."
Toni plucks what turns out to be a letter out of his fingers and skips through it. "Oh my God! He did it! This is great!" Toni's smile is threatening to split her face. "I didn't tell you before because Dad wasn't sure if he could pull it off, and I didn't want to get your hopes up, but this is wonderful news! Cuddle-Bug, you can come with me to New York after all."
"This isn't-What the hell, Toni? You asked your dad to get me out of Field Training! That isn't wonderful, that's fucked up! General Hartinger himself signed this letter. He's NORAD's Commander!"
"It's not a big deal, Rhodey," Toni tries to calm him down. "Dad and Jim have been buddies since World War II. Besides, the Air Force wants Stark Industries in their good graces. I'm sure they're happy they could be of service-"
"Of service?" Rhodey asks, and his voice has gone cold and quiet. "Do you even hear yourself talk? The Air Force shouldn't be of service to some private company. It should be of service to the country."
Toni exhales. "I hate to break it to you, honey-bear, but there isn't much the military won't do to get access to the best toys out there. And Stark Industries has the best toys. Knowing my dad, he's probably asked for much more outrageous things than getting one little cadet out of Field Training."
Rhodey's face hardens, and Toni braces herself. Seventy percent is purely anticipation. This is going to be one of those fights, she can tell. The ones that end with the two of them slamming into each other and having angry sex all over the place. She loves those.
Except that Rhodey goes completely off script. "This isn't going to work," he says in a defeated tone.
Toni frowns. "What isn't?"
"This. Us. It's not going to work."
It takes a moment for the words to make it all the way to her brain. It's as if Rhodey's talking in a different language. She hears him speak, but the words don't make sense. They just don't.
"I-I don't understand," she says, trying to get her thoughts back under control. Her mind is working in slow motion, every word and gesture taking ages to compute. Distantly she thinks: brain needs reboot.
"Toni," Rhodey is still talking in tongues. Toni wants him to shut up. She wants to tell him to just shut up, but her mouth doesn't move. Maybe this is all a nightmare and she'll wake up now, right now, instead of listening to Rhodey say, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I can't. I thought I could, but I can't. I've been working for this scholarship my whole life. I need to know that whatever I do, whatever I achieve, I've done it myself.
"I know you mean well," Rhodey says, voice coarse. "I know you do, but I can't stay with you and not wonder if every promotion, every accomplishment, every recommendation I get is because of something I, James Rhodes did, or because I'm dating Howard Stark's daughter and he's pulling strings for me behind the scenes."
"I can call him now," Toni offers brightly. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just-I'll have him call Jim and he'll get you back into Field Training. No harm done."
Rhodey shakes his head, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "What about next time?"
"There'll be no next time," Toni promises.
"Just like you weren't going to upgrade my computer?" he says, and his smile turns indulgent. "Liar."
"It was just a tiny upgrade," Toni says in a small voice.
Rhodey raises an eyebrow and Toni admits, "Fine, two." There's a second pause before she adds, "Okay, okay, stop looking at me like that, there were three. You weren't supposed to know."
"Toni, when my computer starts working four times faster than it did before and ten times faster than the average MIT lab computer, it's hard not to notice."
"Well, you could have said something. I'd have stopped," she protests.
"I did say something and you ignored me," Rhodey huffs out a laugh. "I didn't want another fight."
"I just don't get what the problem is." Toni can't help feeling annoyed. "You didn't let bigotry scare you off, and yet privilege is the thing you balk at. It doesn't make sense. Privilege is like reverse discrimination. It's a nice thing to have. Seize it!"
"I don't want to," Rhodey says, and caresses the side of her face. "I need to do this by myself, Toni. I need to know I'm doing it by myself. It's important to me."
"More than I am," she says curtly.
Rhodey lets his hand fall and looks away. "I'm sorry. Maybe it's for the best. You're going to have a hard time of things as it is. I'd have just made it harder."
"Don't," Toni snarls and steps back, needing to put distance between them. "Don't you fucking dare make this about me. You want to dump me. Fine! But you don't get to tell me it's for my own good. You don't!"
"It's-Toni, it hurts now, but you'll get over it. You can have anyone you want," Rhodey says.
Toni laughs. "Obviously I can't, since it was you I wanted. Now get out."
"Toni," Rhodey says.
"Out!" she screams.
Her hands tremble as she splashes water on her face, trying to clear the headache she feels coming. She isn't crying. She isn't. Starks don't cry. She glares at her reflection in the mirror. "This is what happens when you break your three-dates-maximum rule. This is how it feels. Next time, remember it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Are you all right, Toni?" her father asks when she arrives in New York.
"I don't want to talk about it," she says. "Let's go work on the lab."
They work. They work. They work.
"Did he hurt you?" her father asks one night. They're both hunched over the remains of a plane engine, wearing protective goggles and wielding soldering irons.
"No," Toni lies.
"Say the word, and I'll call-"
"No," Toni interrupts him, because she knows what he's offering. How easy it'd be for him to destroy all of Rhodey's carefully spun dreams.
Privilege. Reverse discrimination. Except when it isn't.
"No," she says again. "Let him be."
"Maybe it was for the best," he echoes Rhodey's words, and some hidden tension Toni hasn't even noticed was there bleeds off his shoulders.
She wants to hit something. Instead she says, "Yeah," and gets back to work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni Stark, ultimate sex goddess is back on the game. New York high society doesn't know what hits it. The press loves her or hates her-it's hard to tell-and the feeling is mutual. She blooms under the flashes of a hundred cameras like an exotic flower in a greenhouse: breathtakingly beautiful and completely artificial.
She drives fast cars, drinks expensive champagne, goes to exclusive parties and doesn't bother to hide how fucking rich she is to spare anybody's sensibilities. It's for the best. Really. She just needs to keep repeating it until she learns to believe it.
She totals the Corvette, driving high as a kite and so drunk she doesn't remember the accident or the trip to the hospital. Howard paints with green over the spilled red and cleans it all up for her. Nothing to see here. Nothing happened. Keep moving.
When she arrives at the mansion after a week in the hospital, there's a brand new Ferrari waiting for her in the garage. Toni has the sudden, irrational urge to drive it off a bridge. Will she get a Lamborghini next?
Dinners are stilted affairs. Not even talking about weapons and engineering can breach the insurmountable distance growing between her and her father. She studies him from behind dark shades that hide the circles underneath her bloodshot eyes. 'I'm not one of your machines. You can't fix me,' she thinks. Aloud, she stress tests his willingness to look the other way and pretend everything is all right, his capacity for forgiveness.
She wants to know what it'll take for him to scream, 'Enough!' She needs to know where the limits are; figures out way too late that he never thought to give her any.
At night, when she's dancing to the deafening beat of rock music, sweaty and bruised by too much (never enough) sex, she wonders who's looking for Captain America's dead body now . . . wishes it were still her dad.
Summer has never been her season.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her mother flies in from Malibu and walks into the mansion as if she hasn't spent the last five years of her life pretending New York didn't exist.
'Reinforcements,' Toni thinks and swallows the laughter threatening to bubble out.
For over a decade, Toni's been honing the strength of her will on the whetstone of her mother's disapproval. The sharp edges of Maria's voice as she berates Toni are like a summer rain: uncomfortable in their pervasive intensity but only for as long as they last.
Toni won't be fettered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What did you take, Antonia?" Maria asks, and shakes Toni's shoulders, trying to make her focus.
Toni laughs out loud, drags her arms around her mother, plants a loud kiss on her face. Maria's outrage is just so hilarious.
"Let her be, Maria. We're running late," her father's voice says. "We'll excuse her."
"We can't leave her like this, Howard," Maria protests.
"She'll be all right." Her father's voice comes in and out of focus, like a badly tuned radio.
"She isn't all right, Howard," Maria snaps. "Why can't you see it?"
"It's just a phase," her father soothes her (or himself). "She'll get over it."
Maria heaves a sigh. "For a self-proclaimed genius you can be so stupid at times."
Toni feels like chanting: 'Fight! Fight! Fight!' She tilts her head, trying to get a better look. Or maybe it's the world that tilts, trying look at Toni? Toni likes being stared at, touched, kissed, fucked. It's all so good. Better than fighting, except when fighting leads to fucking.
Do her parents have angry sex? Maybe Toni was conceived that way. It would explain sooooo much.
She opens her mouth to ask, but they're already gone.
Did they even say goodbye? Did she?
Those two silly, insignificant questions haunt her for the rest of her life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The funny thing, the truly hilarious life-is-a-bitch-dressed-in-bespoke-irony thing is that being too high to care is what saves Toni's life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Continue to Part 2 (link will be added as soon as it's posted)
This entry was originally posted at http://forestgreen.dreamwidth.org/111552.html, where it has
comments.
Title: Five Thousand Roses
Author:
forestgreen
Fandom: Marvel Movies Universe
Raiting: NC-17
Characters: Tony Stark, Rhodey, Maria Stark, Howard Stark, Peggy Carter, Pepper Potts, Obadiah Stane, JARVIS
Notes: This story wouldn't exist without
akelios. Thank you! ❤ All remaining mistakes are mine.
Summary: She is broken and all the more dangerous for it. The world should tread carefully around the shards of her former self lest they cut themselves on Antonia Stark's sharp edges.
“People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses
in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni's first memory is the sharp, burning shock of electricity. She remembers with crystal clarity the way her father picked her up and checked her over. He'd squatted next to her and wiped the tears off her face as he explained how electricity worked, showing her how to take the power socket apart and put it back together. Toni had watched mesmerized, pain and fear forgotten. "Now me," she'd demanded, grabbing for the screwdriver. Her father had ruffled her hair with a laugh and let her have it.
She'd wanted to keep the memory for herself, but somehow she ends up sharing it with the world in one talk show or another. The story spreads like wildfire.
"My mind was born to electricity," is one of the first quotes Google spits out when you type in 'Antonia Stark.'
Of all the half-truths and outright lies her public image is made of, that quote is the one Toni likes the most.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni's favorite superhero growing up is Batman. It's her biggest secret. He doesn't need superpowers to save the day, just intelligence and money. Toni has both to spare. When she grows up, she's going to be a superhero just like him.
Her room is filled to the brim with Captain America toys, and the walls are covered with dozens of Captain America posters. She owns every single comic and is the only child in the world with an exact replica of his shield.
"Who's your favorite hero?" her dad asks her every night.
"Captain America," Toni answers. It's the first lie she learns to get away with.
The thing she likes the most about Batman is that he's never been real, and her father doesn't need to find his body.
Toni hates summer with its long string of endless days. She's cooped up in Malibu, dressed up in pink and pastels, curtsying left and right, with only her mother and her society friends for company. She strikes off the days on her Captain America wall calendar while she waits for her father to return from his Arctic trip. If she's a bit more forceful with her pen on the days printed over Captain America's face, no one notices.
Toni screams with joy when her father comes back and thanks him when he gives her yet another Captain America toy. The summer is finally over, and her dad is hers again. They're going to build a robot dog together. She's going to give it pointy ears and call it Bat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her parents are fighting about her again. These days, they are always fighting about her.
She tries to concentrate on her homework, but the math isn't hard enough to keep her attention. She's skipped two grades already, and the math is still too easy. School bores her. She'd rather spend her days working with her dad in the Stark Industries' labs.
"She's a girl, Howard!" Her mother's voice carries through the empty corridor. Toni sighs. She's heard it all before. "She should be allowed to grow up normally." Toni wonders if the two of them ever tire of having the same argument.
"Toni isn't normal. She's a genius, like me, like my father. When she's running Stark Industries she'll need-"
"This is insanity, Howard. Antonia isn't going to run your company," Maria screams. "Her husband will. You've filled that girl's head with your crazy dreams. God knows I wanted to give you a son, but Antonia isn't a substitute. She's a girl! She can't run around wearing pants and oil smeared t-shirts forever. She needs to learn what it means to be a proper woman."
"I didn't want a son," her dad screams back. "I didn't want any children! Getting pregnant was your idea."
The tip of Toni's fountain pen snaps. The ink spreads all over her notebook before she can stop it, ruining her homework. Down the corridor, her parents are still yelling at each other. Toni ignores the voices, ignores the way the pit of her stomach hurts or how her head pounds. She can write off tinkering in the workshop tonight. By the time night falls her father will be too drunk to be of any use, and her mother won't be any better.
"I don't care what you or the board expect," her father is still arguing. "Toni is a Stark first and foremost! She's not going to be some society wife." Toni knows that tone. It's the passionate certainty of a visionary who wants people to see.
She knows what her father's friends whisper behind his back. They call Toni 'Howard's next crazy experiment.' No better than the flying car or the arc reactor-clever and brilliant to show, but still useless.
Toni is going to prove them wrong. Even her dad. Howard just wants her to carry on his legacy, but Toni wants more for herself. She's just Howard Stark's daughter now, but when she's done reshaping science and modern warfare it will be her face people remember when they hear the name Stark.
Antonia Stark's father, that's how she wants history to remember Howard.
Toni rips off the ruined pages of her notebook and does her homework again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In her high school senior year, Toni's body catches up with her mind. She's two years younger than everyone else in her class, but she's already taller than her mother. Her body is like a foreign country made out of valleys and soft hills where flat plains used to be.
"You're beautiful, Antonia," her mother tells her with the same proprietary tone her father says, "You're brilliant, Toni," as if that's the only thing she needs to be. As if that's the only thing about her that matters.
She notices the way boys look at her now and likes it. There's an ache between her legs in that one place no one really likes to talk about that leaves her craving more than just looks. At night, when she's alone in her room, she imagines what it'd be like to let them touch with their hands the places on her body their eyes are constantly following. She lays still in the darkness and pretends her hands are theirs.
This new body of her fascinates her, and she sets off to explore it with a thoroughness she'd only ever given machines before.
It isn't that Toni doesn't understand the tacit rules of life, it's just that she isn't used to rules applying to her. As Howard Stark's only child she's never been well versed in abstinence. When her own hands stop being enough, she sits next to Ethan Godfrey during lunch, smiles as her mother taught her and lowers her eyes just so.
The world is hers by right. So she takes it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slut.
Bitch.
Whore.
Baby.
I love you.
Don't leave me.
Why?
Bitch.
Fucking whore.
Slut.
Slut.
By the time Toni leaves for college, she's heard it all.
'People are no better than sharks, Antonia,' her mother told her once when Toni had been small enough to think her infallible. 'If they smell blood, they'll attack. Smile at them, and never let them know it hurts. A smile is a woman's best weapon.'
It's the best advice her mother ever gave her.
Toni smiles until her face hurts and it feels like a victory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's the summer of 81. The air is filled with the buzz of change, and Toni's blood burns with the excitement of things yet to come. For the first time ever her father forgoes his yearly Arctic expedition to stay with her. Toni will be going to MIT in the fall and life has never seemed more promising.
Her father takes his favorite car and personally drives her from New York all the way up to Cambridge. Her mother flies from L.A. and meets them there. Toni's surprised she bothered.
Her dad at MIT is a whole other person. He comes alive as he shows them the campus, sharing with Toni stories of the shenanigans he and his friends got up to. Her mother laughs along with them and tentatively shares some stories of her own youth. Toni can't remember the last time the three of them were able to truly enjoy one another's company.
It's a wonderful summer day. The sky is bright blue with only the sun for company. Toni wants to freeze this moment in time and stay there forever. And yet, like every other summer of her life, she can't wait for fall to come. The future is calling her and Toni aches to meet it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni and her mother are sitting on a bench near Alpha Theta Sigma Chi's frat house, waiting for Howard.
If she'd been born male, Toni would've been inside the house now, together with her father, getting to know her future frat brothers. She's a female, though. And women, Toni has been told, are not allowed inside frat houses. School rules.
She expects her father to buy her way in, the way he's done every time Toni's been denied something. Instead, Howard smiles at her and says, "Toni, darling, why don't you go with your mother to the park and wait for me there? I'll meet you later. I just want to see what the younger brothers have done with the old place."
Toni and her mom don't have much in common these days. When the two of them are alone, Toni finds herself at a loss for words, desperately searching for something to say to break the awkward silence.
"I'll have Howard buy you a house close to the campus," Maria says out of the blue, startling Toni.
Toni sighs. "I don't need a house, Mom. I'll room at McCormick Hall with the other girls."
"I know you don't think much of me, Antonia," her mother says, looking into the distance. "I don't understand machines or physics. I can't follow when Howard and you start talking shop, and half the time you're convinced I'm the enemy."
"Mom, that's not tr-" Toni protests.
"No, don't interrupt," her mother cuts her off. "I want to say my piece." She goes on, voice even, "I have no delusions that I'll ever be anything but the Wicked Witch in the novel of your life, but you have to understand that I-no, that's not true." She huffs out a laugh. "Understanding is probably too much to ask. I want you to know that I do love you, Antonia. I've always wanted only the best for you. A good man, with a head for numbers and a heart for diplomacy. One who'd run the company for you so that you can spend your days in the workshop, tinkering with your toys and inventing things. Being happy."
Her mother raises a hand as if to caress Toni's cheek, but stops herself at the last second. "I don't think you'll be happy being the company's CEO, but you've made your choice and even though I don't agree, I want you to succeed, Antonia. I might not know machines, but I know men. Don't think for a second they'll give you anything without charging five times the price. If you want to run your dad's company, being a genius inventor won't be enough."
"Dad-" Toni starts to say but her mother interrupts her.
"Your father is a man. He gets things for free you'll have to fight tooth and nail for. He's there now, isn't he?" she says as she points to the fraternity house. "Inside the house, with his brothers, talking about man things, while you and I sit here on a bench in the park and wait for him to come pick us up."
Toni shakes her head and sighs. "He just wanted to see the house, Mom," she breathes out.
"The house. The world. What's the difference?" her mother says, eyes cold. "Men will try to keep you out and tell you it's the rules. So you need to play their games better than they do. And you need to know what the rules are, because life will force you to break them.
"We'll get you your own house, Antonia," her mother continues, and Toni knows there's no use arguing when she gets like that. "Everything new and state of the art, as befits the heiress of Stark Industries. Let them be the ones outside, wanting to get in."
Toni's father taught her to build weapons, but it's her mother who teaches her how to use them. Toni never gets the chance to thank her for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her mother gives her diamond studs as a farewell present and Toni hides them as soon as she's at MIT. She buys plastic hoops instead, almost as big as her face. Her father gets her a brand new cherry red Corvette and Toni flaunts it around campus. She drives with the top down, in love with the way people stare after her as she speeds by. She feels powerful and sexy at the wheel of that sleek red beast with so much horsepower all to herself.
The best present of all she gives herself: a fake ID that says she's 21, good enough to pass the toughest scrutiny.
College is everything Toni thought it would be and yet completely different. It's her first time away from home, but she's too busy making friends and going out to really notice that she misses it. She talks quantum physics one second, and politics the next. She has heated discussions about string theory and applied math, theology, sex, Star Wars, Schrödinger's cat, social rights, women, music, war, men.
For Toni, life at MIT comes in waves, measured in midterms and finals with never ending nights of partying in between. She dresses in neon bright mini-skirts and leg warmers, owns stretch pants and oversized tops in every color she can think of. She spends hours backcombing her hair and goes through a bottle of hair spray every couple of weeks. MTV runs non-stop in her house. If it's loud and makes it onto MTV, Toni loves it-her taste in music isn't more discerning than that. AC/DC, The Police, The Cure, David Bowie, The Go-Go's, Prince, Air Supply, Bryan Adams-she loves them all; would have sex with each and every one of them given half the chance.
She walks into bars as if she owns them and leans on the counter absolutely conscious of how it makes her mini-skirt ride up. By the time she's done dragging a cigarette to her mouth, men are offering her a light and asking if they can buy her a drink. Just the idea of how the evening will end gets her wet. She smiles and takes the drink, the light . . . and everything else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She joins the AI Lab, even though everyone tells her it's just a shadow of what it used to be, before copyright laws hit the nascent software industry, and LMI and Symbolics stole MIT's best hackers. She's the only female in the group, but Toni doesn't care. She's getting used to being the only female almost everywhere.
Computers are the future. Toni knows it, understands it, lives it every day. Software is going to revolutionize the weapons industry-probably all industries, but Toni doesn't care much about the rest; she knows where she's heading.
She dreams up automatic targeting systems that will minimize death tolls, intelligent robots that will increase production yield, computerized communication systems, broader uses for existing military satellites. It all seems impossible now, but Toni sees the seeds springing up around her.
When she tells her father, he laughs and says she's reading too much science fiction. Toni is left reeling with the realization that her dad doesn't get it, that she's leaving him behind. Her father-the genius inventor, the crazy dreamer, her first and best teacher-is so blinded by the now that he can't see the future.
'He's getting old,' Toni thinks to herself.
It terrifies her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni breaks thirteen mugs, two coffee pots and one sugar bowl before people at the AI Lab stop asking her to clear the table after meetings. The first two times aren't even on purpose-balancing mugs on a tablet is harder than it looks. The other times . . . well . . . sometimes a girl has to give social progress a push.
"Do you want me to help?" Toni asks with the sweetest smile she can fake, reaching for the empty coffee pot.
There's choir of "No! Don't worry about it. We've got it covered," before she's even done asking.
Toni makes it to the bathroom-the one that's just hers by virtue of being the only woman on the team-closes the door and bites her hand to keep herself from laughing out loud.
She's two months into the term when she first notices that she's the only one being asked to write minutes during meetings. Her first attempts to purposely leave things out or document them wrongly backfire. People, including professors, start questioning her capacity to understand the concepts being discussed and worry that she might not be able to keep up with the workload.
Toni's second attempt goes better. It's her tried and true method for dealing with most things-she creates a robot. It doesn't look much like a robot, just a box with an integrated mic attached to a computer with a speech recognition software Toni herself designed. It puts to shame everything else on the market.
She bats her eyelashes at two of her lab partners, and they carry GOSSIP into the next meeting for her. Toni sells it as the "necessary next step for Artificial Intelligence," and double-dog dares everyone in the room to take more accurate notes than her program. Toni leans back on her chair and enjoys the harried look on people's faces as they try to write down every word said.
GOSSIP still wins.
Professor Minsky is so blown away that he assigns Toni two lab minions to help her further improve the software. Toni tries not to abuse the power.
Much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Have you met any nice boys, Antonia?" her mother asks her over the phone.
Toni sighs, knowing where the conversation is going. "Mom, we've been through this. I didn't come to college to meet boys."
"I know that, darling," her mother says. "I just want-You have to start thinking about your future."
Toni closes her eyes and repeats to herself the first ten digits of pi. "Mom, I'm acing all my classes. The latest patent filed by SI was based on one of my ideas. I don't think I have to worry about my future."
"Antonia, there's more to life than machines. Even after you're the head of Stark Industries, you'll need to marry, have children," her mother insists in that cajoling tone that makes Toni want to hit something, as if Toni is being irrational.
"Stop trying to live my life for me. I'm not you. I don't want to be you," Toni snaps. She'd assumed that things between them were improving, as if buying a house at MIT could change anything. Whatever little peace they'd found had been just a respite in the battle of wills that is their relationship, not an end to the war. She'd been naive to think otherwise.
"I just want you to be happy," her mother whispers.
Toni laughs out loud. "I'm happy, Mom! Or I was, until you started this conversation. For fuck's sake!" She steamrolls over her mother's attempt to correct her language, "You have a husband you can barely stand and a daughter that . . . . Mom, when have either of us ever made you happy?"
"Antonia," her mother gasps. "Of course you make me happy. I love you."
Toni sighs, exhausted. "I know that, Mom. And I love you too. I just don't think we like each other much."
"You're your father's daughter, Antonia," Maria says before she hangs up, and means it as an insult.
Toni goes out and drinks herself stupid. She wakes up naked next to some guy whose name she doesn't remember (Dennis? Dave? Dorian? Something with D).
The room spins as Toni closes her eyes and fights off waves of nausea. She wants to call her mother and apologize for being such a crappy daughter. And she's furious with herself for wanting to apologize at all. It's her fucking life; she should be allowed to do with it whatever the fuck she wants.
Toni misses her childhood with sudden fierceness. Loving her parents didn't hurt this much back then.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I know which class is going to be my favorite this term," a student stage whispers the first time Toni walks into Aerospace Engineering and Design. His friends laugh along.
Their gazes linger on her ass as she passes by. "Hey, beautiful, if you ever need tutoring just say the word," he calls after her, and grabs her hand when she ignores him. "Come on, don't be like that. At least let me introduce myself."
Toni usually doesn't have a problem with guys lusting after her-three quarters of the times she wants the attention-but the insinuation that she might need help to pass the class hits her wrong.
She leans forward into his personal space and grins. "Let me guess," she says, loud enough for everyone to hear, "the name is Jerk, Stupid Jerk."
The room explodes with laughter as Mr. Jerk flushes bright red and tries to sink in on himself. Even his friends are laughing at him. See how he likes being the butt of the joke. Toni yanks her hand free and walks to the other end of the classroom.
The room is packed except for the far end of it, where a boy has been left alone with almost two rows of seats all to himself.
"Are these taken?" she asks, pointing to the empty seats next to him.
His eyes dart around as if making sure Toni is actually addressing him. "N-no," he stammers, pulling his books closer, making room for her to sit down.
She's rather charmed. "Antonia Stark. Friends call me Toni." She offers him her hand.
"I'm Rhodey," he says, and takes her hand with a shy smile. His handshake is firm without trying to prove something, and Toni gives him further points because he keeps his eyes trained on her face the whole time despite the rather low cut of her top.
By the end of the class, his eyes haven't slipped once. Toni is . . . impressed? offended? curious? She doesn't really know what she is, only that it requires further investigation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhodey puts his pen down, closes the book and sighs. "Okay, ask. Whatever it is. Out with it. You're driving me crazy."
Toni raises one eyebrow. "Uh, I've got no idea what you're talking about."
"I can feel you looking at me," Rhodey says.
"What? I can't look at people in my own house? Because that'll be kind of hard to enforce, what with you being right there and me-"
"I can feel you looking at me with intent," Rhodey interrupts her. "Just ask."
Toni crinkles her face with suspicion. They've known each other only three weeks and he's already able to see through her bullshit. She's sure that's cheating.
"Are you gay?" she finally asks point blank. There's no longer any point in being subtle.
"What?" Rhodey blinks. "Uh . . . No, of course not."
"You can tell me," Toni insists. "I know you wannabe military types have to be careful with that kind of information, but I won't tell anyone. I swear."
"Seriously, no, I'm not," Rhodey insists. "Where did you get that from?"
"I've been trying to get you into bed for weeks and you keep ignoring me," Toni says, a bit piqued. "Today I opened the door wearing nothing but a towel and you offered to come back later so that I could finish dressing."
Rhodey dry coughs. He peeks at Toni's body for a second before he catches himself and purposely fixes his eyes on her face. "I-I thought you were just flirting."
Toni gapes at him. "You thought-duh!"
"You flirt with everyone, Toni. It's like your default setting," he says. "I didn't want to make any assumptions."
"Assumptions?" It's Toni's time to blink. "What's there to assume other than the obvious?"
"Come on, Toni. It's not like a girl like you is going to be really interested in a guy like me," he says. "I like-I-You're the best study partner I could hope for. You have a grasp on aerodynamics like no one else in that class. I don't want to screw that up."
Toni raises her forefinger and watches him with narrowed eyes. "A girl like me? What's that even supposed to mean?"
Rhodey snorts. "I don't know. Pretty, rich . . . white?"
"Okay," Toni says, trying to digest that. "No, actually, it's not. I mean, is that an issue? You don't like pretty, rich, white girls or-"
"Don't play dumb, Toni. It doesn't suit you," Rhodey snaps. "Of course I like you. Everybody likes you; that's the point. Why would you want to be with me?"
Toni stares at him. "Why not?"
"Because I-I wouldn't even know what to . . . do," he admits and looks as though he wants the earth to swallow him. It's unbearably cute. "I haven't . . . ." His hands flail helplessly. "With anyone . . . before."
"That isn't a no," Toni clarifies, because she's still not clear on that. "It doesn't sound like a no."
Rhodey licks his lips and clears his throat. "It isn't."
Toni grin is dirty and filled with promises as she straddles his lap. "Well, honey-bear, you've got one thing right. I'm the best study partner you could hope for."
"D-don't call me that," Rhodey stammers, eyes impossibly wide.
"Oh, pumpkin-pie," Toni croons. "I'm going to have so much fun with you." She kisses his mouth shut before he can protest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things with Rhodey are . . . Toni can't really explain it. He breaks all of her carefully established rules without even meaning to.
Toni doesn't do sex with the same person more than twice. Three times tops. More than that and men start assuming things, as if spreading her legs to let them into her body is an open invitation to other parts of her life. One moment they're having sex and it's all glorious orgasms and afterglows; the next they're questioning why she spends so much time in her lab instead of with them, as if her time is theirs to dispose of.
Thus, Toni's golden rule of dating is born: no repeats unless the sex is very, very good, and even then proceed with caution.
Things with Rhodey get a bit out of control.
He's careful with her in ways no one has been before, in ways Toni didn't even know she wanted. For all that she sets out to teach him about sex, it's Rhodey who teaches her how much more fulfilling sex can be with a partner who's had more than three nights to learn Toni's body and its reactions. And learn it he does. He's new to it all, filled with wonder and enthusiasm. He treats every second with Toni like a precious gift, doesn't demand more than she's willing to give.
When she stands him up because she's too caught up with an experiment and loses track of time, he comes to check on her and brings her food. He laughs when she throws him out of her lab instead of becoming angry and issuing ultimatums, as if Toni being Toni is something he can't help but enjoy. It confuses her.
And then there's the outside world. Toni has never reacted well to people trying to impose their opinions on her. She's a Stark before anything else, and Starks, her father taught her, do whatever they want. Because they're geniuses, because they're filthy rich, because they can get away with it.
She notices the way people look at her when she's out with Rhodey-the disapproval, the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hint that she can do better, that she should do better, that her choice is wrong. It pisses her off. Giving Rhodey up feels like letting them win, and Toni hates losing. The more people expect her to dump him, the more they insist that she should, the harder she holds on. She flaunts Rhodey in their faces, kisses him where everyone can see, takes him to bars and parties, refuses to hide.
She verbally flails anyone stupid enough to try and say something to her face, and uses her name and her father's influence without a hint of remorse to utterly destroy the three assholes who dare show their disapproval with more than just words. Toni has been able to cry on command since she was five-Howard Stark is as powerless against her tears now as he was back then.
Toni's a dangerous enemy to have, and she makes damn sure people know it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Tuesdays, Rhodey has some sort of ROTC leadership training thing-y. Toni's disappointment at having to give him up for the day is softened by Rhodey putting on his cadet uniform. Toni keeps trying to make him late-cheap polyester on Rhodey does estrange things to her. She doesn't succeed, because Rhodey is a responsible, rule-abiding kind of guy, but Toni doesn't give up hope. There's always next week.
Since Rhodey isn't there, Tuesdays become girls' night out, which mostly consist of Toni and Susan, the only other female in her engineering class, drinking expensive wine and smoking pot at Toni's place without having to fend off stupid advances from guys who can't take a hint.
It's already well past midnight, but Toni doesn't have classes in the morning and there's still half a bottle of wine left. It's her duty as a Stark to help put the little thing out of its misery. Her dad would approve. She's sprawled on the couch, her feet resting on Susan's lap, as the two of them past a joint back and forth while MTV runs in the background.
"Have you thought how you'll break the news to your mother?" Susan asks her. "She's going to blow a gasket."
"What news?" Toni asks absently, balancing on the fine edge between tipsy and too-drunk.
"Rhodey," Susan says while her fingers trail up and down Toni's calf.
"What about him?"
"Come on, you've been together for over six months now. You took him along for spring break." Susan takes the joint out of Toni's hand, ignoring her protests and finishes it. "That's like a marriage proposal in your book."
Toni fakes a shudder. "Bite your tongue."
"I'm not kidding, sooner or later you're going to have to tell your parents and-"
"Susan, my mom is convinced I'm the Virgin Mary, and I have no intention whatsoever of dissuading her from that notion," Toni says.
Susan snorts. "What about daddy dearest?"
Toni shrugs. "We have an agreement. He doesn't comment on my sex life. I don't comment on his."
"Really?" Susan looks surprised.
Toni snorts. "He caught me in flagrante delecto back in high school. We had this very awkward talk about the value of discretion and propriety. I was forced to point out that I'd been keeping my mouth shut about his long string of affairs for over a decade and made it clear that I would expect the same courtesy."
"I pity your mother," Susan says.
Toni chuckles bitterly. "She knows. She's known longer than I have. She just pretends she doesn't." Toni imitates her mother's haughty voice, "Men have needs, Antonia. You'll understand when you're older." She sips her wine and exhales. "I'd have dumped his sorry ass ages ago."
Susan tilts her head and watches Toni with a puzzled expression. "I thought you liked your dad."
"So what?" Toni shrugs. "He's still an ass."
"The family life of the rich and famous," Susan says, shaking her head.
Toni drains the last of her glass and pours herself another. "Come off it. Money has nothing to do with it and you know it. As far as I am concerned, sex? Yeah, baby. Relationships? Hell, no."
"Maybe you should tell that to lover-boy," Susan says. "The way he looks at you, he's probably already saving for a ring."
Toni rolls her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Six months and counting, Toni, that's all I'm saying."
"The boy was a virgin when I got my hands into him," Toni says. "I'm just making sure he's trained good and proper before I release him back into the game. The sisterhood should thank me."
"You're such a giver," Susan deadpans.
"I know," Toni says and laughs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhodey turns down Toni's invitation to go with her to New York during summer break. It's the end of his sophomore year, and the Air Force wants to kidnap him for Field Training. It's grossly unfair, Toni thinks. Rhodey spent the whole term studying like a man possessed. He should get to enjoy summer like everyone else.
Instead, the Air Force expects him to spend his well-earned break crawling through mud and eating worms (maybe even rats) and doing stupid survival training exercises, or something equally inane. Weeks upon weeks without access to plumbing or any kind of technology, as if they were back in the Middle Ages. Toni's skin crawls just thinking about it.
Rhodey laughs it off, says she's being overly dramatic. He claims he's actually looking forward to it, but Toni can't see how. She's sure he's trying to put up a front for her. Cheer her up.
She doesn't want him to go. Toni has plans for the summer. Plans that involve sex, sex and more sex with some sightseeing thrown in for good measure. Maybe sex while sightseeing? She knows a place or two where that'd be possible. Besides, it'd be fun to see Rhodey get all flustered at the mere suggestion.
Best laid plans and all that.
She can't even work up a proper snit about it. Rhodey has a Toni-pique detector. Whenever she starts sulking, he distracts her with bouts of hot, desperate (sometimes angry) sex. She's finally convinced him that she isn't made out of glass, and fuck yeah, he aced that lesson too. Toni loves it when he's rough with her just as much as she loves it when he's gentle. These days, he just needs to look at her to know when she needs what. It's uncanny. They fit in a seamless way that makes it hard to remember there was a time when he wasn't part of her life, let alone imagine a day he might no longer be.
It makes the upcoming separation worse to bear. She doesn't want him to go.
She really doesn't want him to go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni's making some final adjustments to GOSSIP before she leaves for New York. Her baby is going to be flying all over the world in the cockpits of the new Stark Stealth Planes-and yeah, Toni's also the one who put the stealth into that name. At the rate she's going, she'll single-handedly end the Cold War, because the fucking Communists will die of envy.
She's somewhat startled when Rhodey storms into her lab and demands, "What did you do?"
"Uh . . . I didn't do anything. Whatever it was, it wasn't me," she says preemptively while she racks her brain for what she might have done to piss him off.
She's almost one hundred percent sure she didn't leave any traces when she upgraded his computer two days ago. She was extra careful, because Rhodey had weird hang-ups when it came to Toni giving him things. Getting him to keep the computer at all had been a nightmare disguised as a birthday present that ended in a fight. The make-up sex had been more than worth it, but she still treats all of Rhodey's computer improvements on strictly Need To Know Basis. And Rhodey doesn't need to know.
He waves a crumpled piece of paper in front of her face. "Damn it, Toni, this has your name written all over it."
Toni plucks what turns out to be a letter out of his fingers and skips through it. "Oh my God! He did it! This is great!" Toni's smile is threatening to split her face. "I didn't tell you before because Dad wasn't sure if he could pull it off, and I didn't want to get your hopes up, but this is wonderful news! Cuddle-Bug, you can come with me to New York after all."
"This isn't-What the hell, Toni? You asked your dad to get me out of Field Training! That isn't wonderful, that's fucked up! General Hartinger himself signed this letter. He's NORAD's Commander!"
"It's not a big deal, Rhodey," Toni tries to calm him down. "Dad and Jim have been buddies since World War II. Besides, the Air Force wants Stark Industries in their good graces. I'm sure they're happy they could be of service-"
"Of service?" Rhodey asks, and his voice has gone cold and quiet. "Do you even hear yourself talk? The Air Force shouldn't be of service to some private company. It should be of service to the country."
Toni exhales. "I hate to break it to you, honey-bear, but there isn't much the military won't do to get access to the best toys out there. And Stark Industries has the best toys. Knowing my dad, he's probably asked for much more outrageous things than getting one little cadet out of Field Training."
Rhodey's face hardens, and Toni braces herself. Seventy percent is purely anticipation. This is going to be one of those fights, she can tell. The ones that end with the two of them slamming into each other and having angry sex all over the place. She loves those.
Except that Rhodey goes completely off script. "This isn't going to work," he says in a defeated tone.
Toni frowns. "What isn't?"
"This. Us. It's not going to work."
It takes a moment for the words to make it all the way to her brain. It's as if Rhodey's talking in a different language. She hears him speak, but the words don't make sense. They just don't.
"I-I don't understand," she says, trying to get her thoughts back under control. Her mind is working in slow motion, every word and gesture taking ages to compute. Distantly she thinks: brain needs reboot.
"Toni," Rhodey is still talking in tongues. Toni wants him to shut up. She wants to tell him to just shut up, but her mouth doesn't move. Maybe this is all a nightmare and she'll wake up now, right now, instead of listening to Rhodey say, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I can't. I thought I could, but I can't. I've been working for this scholarship my whole life. I need to know that whatever I do, whatever I achieve, I've done it myself.
"I know you mean well," Rhodey says, voice coarse. "I know you do, but I can't stay with you and not wonder if every promotion, every accomplishment, every recommendation I get is because of something I, James Rhodes did, or because I'm dating Howard Stark's daughter and he's pulling strings for me behind the scenes."
"I can call him now," Toni offers brightly. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just-I'll have him call Jim and he'll get you back into Field Training. No harm done."
Rhodey shakes his head, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "What about next time?"
"There'll be no next time," Toni promises.
"Just like you weren't going to upgrade my computer?" he says, and his smile turns indulgent. "Liar."
"It was just a tiny upgrade," Toni says in a small voice.
Rhodey raises an eyebrow and Toni admits, "Fine, two." There's a second pause before she adds, "Okay, okay, stop looking at me like that, there were three. You weren't supposed to know."
"Toni, when my computer starts working four times faster than it did before and ten times faster than the average MIT lab computer, it's hard not to notice."
"Well, you could have said something. I'd have stopped," she protests.
"I did say something and you ignored me," Rhodey huffs out a laugh. "I didn't want another fight."
"I just don't get what the problem is." Toni can't help feeling annoyed. "You didn't let bigotry scare you off, and yet privilege is the thing you balk at. It doesn't make sense. Privilege is like reverse discrimination. It's a nice thing to have. Seize it!"
"I don't want to," Rhodey says, and caresses the side of her face. "I need to do this by myself, Toni. I need to know I'm doing it by myself. It's important to me."
"More than I am," she says curtly.
Rhodey lets his hand fall and looks away. "I'm sorry. Maybe it's for the best. You're going to have a hard time of things as it is. I'd have just made it harder."
"Don't," Toni snarls and steps back, needing to put distance between them. "Don't you fucking dare make this about me. You want to dump me. Fine! But you don't get to tell me it's for my own good. You don't!"
"It's-Toni, it hurts now, but you'll get over it. You can have anyone you want," Rhodey says.
Toni laughs. "Obviously I can't, since it was you I wanted. Now get out."
"Toni," Rhodey says.
"Out!" she screams.
Her hands tremble as she splashes water on her face, trying to clear the headache she feels coming. She isn't crying. She isn't. Starks don't cry. She glares at her reflection in the mirror. "This is what happens when you break your three-dates-maximum rule. This is how it feels. Next time, remember it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Are you all right, Toni?" her father asks when she arrives in New York.
"I don't want to talk about it," she says. "Let's go work on the lab."
They work. They work. They work.
"Did he hurt you?" her father asks one night. They're both hunched over the remains of a plane engine, wearing protective goggles and wielding soldering irons.
"No," Toni lies.
"Say the word, and I'll call-"
"No," Toni interrupts him, because she knows what he's offering. How easy it'd be for him to destroy all of Rhodey's carefully spun dreams.
Privilege. Reverse discrimination. Except when it isn't.
"No," she says again. "Let him be."
"Maybe it was for the best," he echoes Rhodey's words, and some hidden tension Toni hasn't even noticed was there bleeds off his shoulders.
She wants to hit something. Instead she says, "Yeah," and gets back to work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toni Stark, ultimate sex goddess is back on the game. New York high society doesn't know what hits it. The press loves her or hates her-it's hard to tell-and the feeling is mutual. She blooms under the flashes of a hundred cameras like an exotic flower in a greenhouse: breathtakingly beautiful and completely artificial.
She drives fast cars, drinks expensive champagne, goes to exclusive parties and doesn't bother to hide how fucking rich she is to spare anybody's sensibilities. It's for the best. Really. She just needs to keep repeating it until she learns to believe it.
She totals the Corvette, driving high as a kite and so drunk she doesn't remember the accident or the trip to the hospital. Howard paints with green over the spilled red and cleans it all up for her. Nothing to see here. Nothing happened. Keep moving.
When she arrives at the mansion after a week in the hospital, there's a brand new Ferrari waiting for her in the garage. Toni has the sudden, irrational urge to drive it off a bridge. Will she get a Lamborghini next?
Dinners are stilted affairs. Not even talking about weapons and engineering can breach the insurmountable distance growing between her and her father. She studies him from behind dark shades that hide the circles underneath her bloodshot eyes. 'I'm not one of your machines. You can't fix me,' she thinks. Aloud, she stress tests his willingness to look the other way and pretend everything is all right, his capacity for forgiveness.
She wants to know what it'll take for him to scream, 'Enough!' She needs to know where the limits are; figures out way too late that he never thought to give her any.
At night, when she's dancing to the deafening beat of rock music, sweaty and bruised by too much (never enough) sex, she wonders who's looking for Captain America's dead body now . . . wishes it were still her dad.
Summer has never been her season.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her mother flies in from Malibu and walks into the mansion as if she hasn't spent the last five years of her life pretending New York didn't exist.
'Reinforcements,' Toni thinks and swallows the laughter threatening to bubble out.
For over a decade, Toni's been honing the strength of her will on the whetstone of her mother's disapproval. The sharp edges of Maria's voice as she berates Toni are like a summer rain: uncomfortable in their pervasive intensity but only for as long as they last.
Toni won't be fettered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What did you take, Antonia?" Maria asks, and shakes Toni's shoulders, trying to make her focus.
Toni laughs out loud, drags her arms around her mother, plants a loud kiss on her face. Maria's outrage is just so hilarious.
"Let her be, Maria. We're running late," her father's voice says. "We'll excuse her."
"We can't leave her like this, Howard," Maria protests.
"She'll be all right." Her father's voice comes in and out of focus, like a badly tuned radio.
"She isn't all right, Howard," Maria snaps. "Why can't you see it?"
"It's just a phase," her father soothes her (or himself). "She'll get over it."
Maria heaves a sigh. "For a self-proclaimed genius you can be so stupid at times."
Toni feels like chanting: 'Fight! Fight! Fight!' She tilts her head, trying to get a better look. Or maybe it's the world that tilts, trying look at Toni? Toni likes being stared at, touched, kissed, fucked. It's all so good. Better than fighting, except when fighting leads to fucking.
Do her parents have angry sex? Maybe Toni was conceived that way. It would explain sooooo much.
She opens her mouth to ask, but they're already gone.
Did they even say goodbye? Did she?
Those two silly, insignificant questions haunt her for the rest of her life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The funny thing, the truly hilarious life-is-a-bitch-dressed-in-bespoke-irony thing is that being too high to care is what saves Toni's life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Continue to Part 2 (link will be added as soon as it's posted)
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