Self Medication
Alcohol used as medication. What I know of alcohol is that it is a depressant, it numbs perception and ability. The stigma of being different than the herd is often enough of a pain as to seek out a modifier in order to play pretend. Maybe not even play but to convince oneself that they are cured by their own choice of medication as alcohol. That sounds so clinical, removed, not related to the struggles. Many people choose to self medicate. Alcohol, pot, heroin, cocaine, money, power, attention, fabric, pets, gardening, The evidence from studies that show how schizophrenics use substance abuse for self medication is being paid attention to these days. Genes that carry alcoholism have been found in at least two of my own background cultures. clynne commented a couple of weeks ago about how the Italian culture doesn't seem to host a lets get fracked up holiday really has been stirring in my subconscious. Beyond culture, sex, age, season we all struggle through each moment. Choosing a medication or an addiction to either avoid or maybe sedate until you are able to cope is a razor edge. Perhaps there is something about using alcohol as a youth to temper the volcanic hormonal issues the body undergoes. Most grow past this medication stage many don't and continue until it is self abuse.
The cat lady phenomenon. Been there, done that. I know my own desire to be surrounded by a species that are beautiful and may reject me at any given moment mirrored lots of issues I had to work through and pass. I still love cats but am limiting my exposure to individuals whom I get along with LOL. I cannot be everything for every critter. Doormat annonymous.
I am revisiting substanse abuse as I prepare for the ending of my living relationship with my mother. No one stops pondering relationships that formed us, our religions direct us to pursue self change to attempt perfection, our herd demands we not stand outside the boundary. Are any of these demands healthy to developement? What of another goal, the achievement of self actualization? To see and just accept what is, to not explain it away, to not blame, to not shirk.
It is what it is. What is the word, a single word to describe when you no longer sputter demanding an explanation for what, why, and why not? There is the word acceptance but I'm looking for a word that is softer than than, one that feels like the moment this morning when the sun broke through the morning mist and warmed my back. Bill was on the phone with me at just that moment.
The cat lady phenomenon. Been there, done that. I know my own desire to be surrounded by a species that are beautiful and may reject me at any given moment mirrored lots of issues I had to work through and pass. I still love cats but am limiting my exposure to individuals whom I get along with LOL. I cannot be everything for every critter. Doormat annonymous.
I am revisiting substanse abuse as I prepare for the ending of my living relationship with my mother. No one stops pondering relationships that formed us, our religions direct us to pursue self change to attempt perfection, our herd demands we not stand outside the boundary. Are any of these demands healthy to developement? What of another goal, the achievement of self actualization? To see and just accept what is, to not explain it away, to not blame, to not shirk.
It is what it is. What is the word, a single word to describe when you no longer sputter demanding an explanation for what, why, and why not? There is the word acceptance but I'm looking for a word that is softer than than, one that feels like the moment this morning when the sun broke through the morning mist and warmed my back. Bill was on the phone with me at just that moment.