Nevermore
Title : Nevermore
Rating : PG
Pairing : Gibbs and Abby
Spoilers : 1 - 6
Nevermore
I didn't know what to think at first.
I had become use to seeing my Father happy with other women, I just never thought he could be that happy. She wasn't my Mother, and I resented her for it. I always told myself she wouldn't love him like we loved him, that it would only last a while, that she didn't deserve him.
When she first began her work at NCIS, I knew she would make my father happy, him having another chance for someone to protect and fight for - and I was right.
He married a lot, but I knew he couldn't love them as much as me or my mother Shannon. I saw him make love to Jenny Shepard in Paris, but I knew she would be just another woman, one who could only temporary mend his heart.
The first time I heard him whisper it was the night before he moved to Mexico with Mike Franks. I had been watching from my own perfect world, and he sat at the rim of the unfinished boat. It had only been two weeks since she broke the ribcage of the boat, yet he managed to mend most of it, there was still the slight crack in it.
He brushed one of his hands of which I always played with as a kid against the crack. I saw his face as clear as ever; the bandage that covered his eye, the burned skin that scared his face, the wrinkles of anguish over his forehead and eyes - and his eyes . . . they were filled with something that God himself couldn't have created. Anger? Sadness? Hate? Fear? Truth? Lies? Love? I don't even know.
"I miss you guys," he breathed to the air causing my heart to twist. Tears formed softly in his eyes before he reached across his workbench to grab a paper and pencil and wrote on it. It was a number that had the last words reading FOR EMERGENCY.
He grabbed a glass cup of his and placed it gently on top of the note. He stood and remained standing for several moments. He was lost in thought and I didn't even want to consider what he was thinking of. Finally he attempted a pitiful smile and said,
"I'm sorry . . . Abby."
My mind jolted to a stop. The way he spoke it grasped my heart and made tears form in my eyes. He spoke it the way he'd never tell me goodnight when I was a baby, or the way he would never say "I Love You" to one of his ex-wives, no. He spoke it the way he'd speak to my mother. As if his words would take you to eternity and beyond in complete bliss.
It meant he loved her.
And I cried tears of sadness.
When he returned, he would keep himself distant from her, yet be drawn into her own nature of living and breathing. He soon began dating a woman named Hollis Mann. I wasn't too sure on what to think of her until she found the tape.
I remember that day so well with me playing the piano - how dad had gone off to desert storm and had missed my recital - and how my mom said he'd be hearing it soon. I just didn't know he would get it after we died.
That relationship ended, and then his once lover died. He seemed more vulnerable to things around him, and that saddened me. Director Leon Vance had then separated the team and no matter how much dad argued with him, his second family would be gone. That was when the second time happened.
His team had been sober and quiet in his basement for only several hours attempting to enjoy their last chance at being a team. Everyone had left, Tim McGee, Ziva David, Anthony DiNozzo, and Donald Mallard. She was the only one left and sat on the ground, her knees bent inside the circle of her arms. My dad sat across from her on the rim of the boat.
It was well past eleven o'clock, yet they sat comfortably and un-bothered by the silence. She only sniffled once in every minute, yet my father sat motionless as ever, eyes shut and mouth clamped. A thousand words were being said to one another in a language not even God could understand. Everything that happened was hitting them: Jenny's death, Ziva leaving, Tim moving to Cyber Crime Unit, and Tony going Agent Afloat.
Finally my father stood. She still kept her eyes on her feet not looking up, becoming unresponsive to everything that made noise. It was only when he sat next to her did she turn. Her eyes were watery and green, while his where soft and a sickly pale blue color.
He lifted his arm as she curled into his warmth, crying into his red jacket while he pressed a kiss to her forehead. It only took that moment for me to learn that - even though he un-admittedly knew it, too - she would always be his one and only. The one he would always care for, the one he'd always need to survive, the one he would always dream for, yet we both knew she could never just be his. His Abby.
Once again, I cried tears, but this time of jealousy, for the fact she could have my father while I couldn't.
They both knew they could never happen by the time the team returned. It was an unspoken agreement not to be more than what they were, yet I never missed the looks. She would like at him, or her would look at her. When the serial video killer appeared and she asked to stay at his house, he kept distance, just watching her sleep on the couch as he drank his coffee.
Whenever she was around he thought of me and my mom less, but I would be glad of it sometimes. I had all the time in the world to see him again, yet I wondered if he would ever want to leave the safe heaven him and her had made.
It was with little knowledge that it existed and lesser knowledge than that to accept the truth of it.
She had feelings for him, and I resented her for it. I always became scared she'd take him away from me and once that happened . . . what would I be?
I always wanted my father to be happy, to move on, but now the possibility of it had actually began, I wanted nothing more than for him to have his heart belong to my mother.
Dad got shot - not bad, but still pretty ugly. He busted a finger and had a scar trace his eyebrow. The two of them sat on the couch while he had is eyes close faking sleep. She stared at his marks in understanding for everything he had done to protect Agent Lee. How quick and easily she had gone from the world. Just as quick and easily as I had and my mother. Then she thought of how easily he could leave.
She leaned into him and pressed her ear to his heartbeat. She felt a faint burn in her nose before pressing it against his jacket.
I can still remember the smell of my father. How it smelt like everything would be safe and fine, even if it wasn't. My own heaven had that scent in the mornings, the smell of security and love.
It wasn't until Ziva David was in Somalia Africa did she visit again. Dad was on his bed starring at the ceiling when the footsteps near his door alerted him. Abby stood there for a moment waiting to see if he would acknowledge her further. He turned his head upward before shutting his eyes, feeling the dip of the bed as Abby curled next to him.
They laid like that in silence as she listened to his heartbeat. He pulled her against him as they let each others warmth comfort them. He was beginning to think of all the women he had ever had leave - whether it be the earth or from his life that was all he thought of.
Me and Mom.
Caitlin Todd.
Paula Cassidy.
Jenny Shepard.
Michelle Lee
Ziva David.
All of them where signs of his failure to keep them safe and as a family. He didn't know how he could handle someone else leaving from one of his faults. The answer was he couldn't.
He buried his face against her hair before opening his watery eyes. He breathed in the scent of gunpowder and morning dew mingled with slight pipe tobacco. He couldn't ever live without her.
"Abbs . . . " he said against her head,"If you ever think that I'll fail you . . . . I'll never. I promise."
His breathing had become shaky while she looked up at him,"I know."
Dad pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms against her sides. She relaxed into him as he thought of everything he could ever think of. He pressed his lips to her forehead,"I love you."
It was the same way he spoke her name the last time he was alone. This time she could hear him, and she embraced him harder than before. They slept that way in security, words of silence being spoke in ways I couldn't understand.
In all certainty they loved each other, and I accepted it. He would never lose her to a stupid mistake, yet never be able to take her to eternity and beyond with him. She wanted to be loved by him in a way that never took me or mom away from him, and she was. They were accepting of it and nothing more was to be said.
The words I Love You will never be spoken again, yet I can assure you in saying he'll always keep her safe. The two will be one another's Nevermore. A love story that could never be.
Rating : PG
Pairing : Gibbs and Abby
Spoilers : 1 - 6
Nevermore
I didn't know what to think at first.
I had become use to seeing my Father happy with other women, I just never thought he could be that happy. She wasn't my Mother, and I resented her for it. I always told myself she wouldn't love him like we loved him, that it would only last a while, that she didn't deserve him.
When she first began her work at NCIS, I knew she would make my father happy, him having another chance for someone to protect and fight for - and I was right.
He married a lot, but I knew he couldn't love them as much as me or my mother Shannon. I saw him make love to Jenny Shepard in Paris, but I knew she would be just another woman, one who could only temporary mend his heart.
The first time I heard him whisper it was the night before he moved to Mexico with Mike Franks. I had been watching from my own perfect world, and he sat at the rim of the unfinished boat. It had only been two weeks since she broke the ribcage of the boat, yet he managed to mend most of it, there was still the slight crack in it.
He brushed one of his hands of which I always played with as a kid against the crack. I saw his face as clear as ever; the bandage that covered his eye, the burned skin that scared his face, the wrinkles of anguish over his forehead and eyes - and his eyes . . . they were filled with something that God himself couldn't have created. Anger? Sadness? Hate? Fear? Truth? Lies? Love? I don't even know.
"I miss you guys," he breathed to the air causing my heart to twist. Tears formed softly in his eyes before he reached across his workbench to grab a paper and pencil and wrote on it. It was a number that had the last words reading FOR EMERGENCY.
He grabbed a glass cup of his and placed it gently on top of the note. He stood and remained standing for several moments. He was lost in thought and I didn't even want to consider what he was thinking of. Finally he attempted a pitiful smile and said,
"I'm sorry . . . Abby."
My mind jolted to a stop. The way he spoke it grasped my heart and made tears form in my eyes. He spoke it the way he'd never tell me goodnight when I was a baby, or the way he would never say "I Love You" to one of his ex-wives, no. He spoke it the way he'd speak to my mother. As if his words would take you to eternity and beyond in complete bliss.
It meant he loved her.
And I cried tears of sadness.
When he returned, he would keep himself distant from her, yet be drawn into her own nature of living and breathing. He soon began dating a woman named Hollis Mann. I wasn't too sure on what to think of her until she found the tape.
I remember that day so well with me playing the piano - how dad had gone off to desert storm and had missed my recital - and how my mom said he'd be hearing it soon. I just didn't know he would get it after we died.
That relationship ended, and then his once lover died. He seemed more vulnerable to things around him, and that saddened me. Director Leon Vance had then separated the team and no matter how much dad argued with him, his second family would be gone. That was when the second time happened.
His team had been sober and quiet in his basement for only several hours attempting to enjoy their last chance at being a team. Everyone had left, Tim McGee, Ziva David, Anthony DiNozzo, and Donald Mallard. She was the only one left and sat on the ground, her knees bent inside the circle of her arms. My dad sat across from her on the rim of the boat.
It was well past eleven o'clock, yet they sat comfortably and un-bothered by the silence. She only sniffled once in every minute, yet my father sat motionless as ever, eyes shut and mouth clamped. A thousand words were being said to one another in a language not even God could understand. Everything that happened was hitting them: Jenny's death, Ziva leaving, Tim moving to Cyber Crime Unit, and Tony going Agent Afloat.
Finally my father stood. She still kept her eyes on her feet not looking up, becoming unresponsive to everything that made noise. It was only when he sat next to her did she turn. Her eyes were watery and green, while his where soft and a sickly pale blue color.
He lifted his arm as she curled into his warmth, crying into his red jacket while he pressed a kiss to her forehead. It only took that moment for me to learn that - even though he un-admittedly knew it, too - she would always be his one and only. The one he would always care for, the one he'd always need to survive, the one he would always dream for, yet we both knew she could never just be his. His Abby.
Once again, I cried tears, but this time of jealousy, for the fact she could have my father while I couldn't.
They both knew they could never happen by the time the team returned. It was an unspoken agreement not to be more than what they were, yet I never missed the looks. She would like at him, or her would look at her. When the serial video killer appeared and she asked to stay at his house, he kept distance, just watching her sleep on the couch as he drank his coffee.
Whenever she was around he thought of me and my mom less, but I would be glad of it sometimes. I had all the time in the world to see him again, yet I wondered if he would ever want to leave the safe heaven him and her had made.
It was with little knowledge that it existed and lesser knowledge than that to accept the truth of it.
She had feelings for him, and I resented her for it. I always became scared she'd take him away from me and once that happened . . . what would I be?
I always wanted my father to be happy, to move on, but now the possibility of it had actually began, I wanted nothing more than for him to have his heart belong to my mother.
Dad got shot - not bad, but still pretty ugly. He busted a finger and had a scar trace his eyebrow. The two of them sat on the couch while he had is eyes close faking sleep. She stared at his marks in understanding for everything he had done to protect Agent Lee. How quick and easily she had gone from the world. Just as quick and easily as I had and my mother. Then she thought of how easily he could leave.
She leaned into him and pressed her ear to his heartbeat. She felt a faint burn in her nose before pressing it against his jacket.
I can still remember the smell of my father. How it smelt like everything would be safe and fine, even if it wasn't. My own heaven had that scent in the mornings, the smell of security and love.
It wasn't until Ziva David was in Somalia Africa did she visit again. Dad was on his bed starring at the ceiling when the footsteps near his door alerted him. Abby stood there for a moment waiting to see if he would acknowledge her further. He turned his head upward before shutting his eyes, feeling the dip of the bed as Abby curled next to him.
They laid like that in silence as she listened to his heartbeat. He pulled her against him as they let each others warmth comfort them. He was beginning to think of all the women he had ever had leave - whether it be the earth or from his life that was all he thought of.
Me and Mom.
Caitlin Todd.
Paula Cassidy.
Jenny Shepard.
Michelle Lee
Ziva David.
All of them where signs of his failure to keep them safe and as a family. He didn't know how he could handle someone else leaving from one of his faults. The answer was he couldn't.
He buried his face against her hair before opening his watery eyes. He breathed in the scent of gunpowder and morning dew mingled with slight pipe tobacco. He couldn't ever live without her.
"Abbs . . . " he said against her head,"If you ever think that I'll fail you . . . . I'll never. I promise."
His breathing had become shaky while she looked up at him,"I know."
Dad pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms against her sides. She relaxed into him as he thought of everything he could ever think of. He pressed his lips to her forehead,"I love you."
It was the same way he spoke her name the last time he was alone. This time she could hear him, and she embraced him harder than before. They slept that way in security, words of silence being spoke in ways I couldn't understand.
In all certainty they loved each other, and I accepted it. He would never lose her to a stupid mistake, yet never be able to take her to eternity and beyond with him. She wanted to be loved by him in a way that never took me or mom away from him, and she was. They were accepting of it and nothing more was to be said.
The words I Love You will never be spoken again, yet I can assure you in saying he'll always keep her safe. The two will be one another's Nevermore. A love story that could never be.