2008
JANUARY:
spent new years eve alone and confused, which was a good reflection of 2007.
did a lot of reflecting, but came to no conclusions. reading back in my journal, i knew jason was horrible, but kept going with it. january was a low low low point in my life.
started smoking a lot of pot, not really caring about anything, doing a lot drugs.
went to a secret party in pittsburgh, (maybe this was december, i don't remember) dropped acid, got wasted at a bar that never carded me, had casual one night stand with sweet boy in a room with glow in the dark stars, he ended up pouring his heart out to me, which was awkward and made me feel like a horrible person. i forget his name, but he cried to me and told me his entire life story.
did e for the first tip, went to a strip club for the first time, ended up naked, made $150.
did shrooms, really fucked my brain up.
didn't go to college. didn't even care. didn't care about myself, especially.
jason and i broke up, according to my journal.
parents found out i was doing drugs and falling apart, made me see a shrink.
here are my resolutions and crap from last year (i made the ones i accomplished bold):
resolutions:
- change my diet, eat more purely, no more meat, more water, more organic/natural
- exercise + ride my bike more
- save more, spend/waste/consume less
- read more and learn more
- write daily
- medidate and relax more
- organize my life
- worry less, accept more, be patient, don't be so scared of life, do more/take risks, stick with things/commit
- become more independent, don't rely on others as much, especially for happiness, acceptance, and approval
- love myself more, make peace with myself
- make the best of every day and be grateful for everything, even the "bad"
- live as purely and simply as possible
goals
1. move out/grow up/get a job i like
2. go to school
3. read 52 books
4. save up + travel
5. become more independent
6. become more politically aware/active/conscious
7. learn/read as much as i can
8. get my license
9. make friends, take risks, have fun, learn to accept people and myself
10. 101 in 1001 (google it. i'll post this list as soon as i'm done working on it)
11. remember my resolutions and uphold them
i didn't do too bad. i probably will never ever get my license or relax or even go to school.
FEBRUARY:
got a job, unemployment ended.
started seeing jason again, made plans to go to sxsw
started making a ton of stuff and being excited (which was false hope in the end)
started losing a ton of weight and sinking deeper and deeper into depression.
started taking prozac.
really confused. started drinking a lot
saw people from the past and old teachers who made me feel like shit about not going to school.
went to a party, got shitfaced, made out with two different guys, don't remember the one's name, made my childhood best friend feel awkward because i was such a wreck.
boring month.
MARCH:
started drinking MORE!
manic episode.
suicide attempt.
ended up in the hospital for a week for mental illness
spring made me feel a lot better.
friends were home for spring break. went a show with michelle. caught up with everyone. felt really good. drifted from jason for good.
met gary! my long lost cousin and now one of my best friends.
drank more and more.
started hanging out with matt, who was married and had a kid. i never learn, i guess.
saw karl blau on easter, forgot about that.
went on a date with a guy from the mental ward. got shitfaced drunk and found out he has a gf.
ate meat. gah
got drunk with michelle and her friends...made an ass of myself.
jason went to sxsw without me
started hanging out with him again, i never learn
APRIL
met jessica. went to a viking moses show. went to a bar underage, which isnt that cool
started planning my adventure!
told matt i had feelings for him, which i really didnt, i was just bored and needed a rebound. we had sex in a park and almost got caught.
got a second job to start saving for my trip
freaked out and had a semi-breakdown (alcohol-induced)
joined sierra club, gauged my ears, too much pbr, confessed to gary that i thought his friend dustin was cute.
started dating dustin, scared as hell.
gary was put in the mental ward.
started doing a lot of fun things with dustin & had sex for the first time.
MAY
went to a party and got fucked up.
made mistakes that i'm trying to forget.
broke my ankle.
decided to go full on vegan.
drank a bottle and a half of wine (which isn't vegan), hung out with gary, then went out with jason one last time. we both cried to each other, and he told me that he'd always love me but i could never work and it was weird, but it was the closure i needed.
got a record player. hung out with dustin more and more.
went to the mental ward again.
quit my one job at pechin's.
realized i had a serious drinking problem but stopped because of dustin and life started to get really good.
lots of adventures with dustin!
JUNE
got my life sorted out and started hardcore saving for my trip.
more and more fun with dustin. stopped being scared. started being in love.
planned my trip. got things in order.
lots of vegan food.
bought train tickets
got the flu, scared i was going to have to cancel trip
dustin took care of me and made me vegan soup
JULY
left for my trip!!!!
got stuck in bloomington illinois, but met nice people.
chicago, crimethinc, milwaukee, etc.
met lots of people. did lots of stuff. good vegan food everywhere!
saw ghost mice a ton of times, road with chris and hannah, got stuck in bloomington, in.
got a ride with a girl who was part of the i-69 protests.
came home early because i missed dustin so much it made my heart hurt.
AUGUST
no internet, no time.
spending the rest of the summer with dustin.
going to pittsburgh, camping, hanging out at the river, spending time outdoors.
fell madly and deeply in love.
lots of yummy vegan summer foodstuffs.
SEPTEMBER
turned 20.
moved in with dustin, first apartment, greensburg, hardwood floors.
got a job i really like at a movie store.
YUMMY VEGAN FOOD haha
OCTOBER
finally got the internet.
zombie nerd for halloween
went on a haunted hayride with dustin.
dustin surprised me with ted leo tickets and flowers
NOVEMBER
doing really well at my job, got a raise.
vegan thanksgiving!
went to a show in connellsville.
saw matt for the first time in months.
got into a bar and served.
DECEMBER
gary went back to the mental ward.
started feeling empty (winter sucks)
went by quickly.
christmas with my baby!
amazing time!
new shoes! haha
lots of dumpster diving
not strict vegan anymore :(
strep throat :(
overdrafts in my bank account
convinced them to overlook them! i win.
so, this new years eve, i work until 9, but i think me and dustin are going to go to a vegetarian buffet at doublewide in pittsburgh. who knows?
RESOLUTIONS AND GOALS
1. sell/trade/give away all of my stuff. (well, most of it)
2. start living consciously again. pay attention to what i put on and in my body, what i buy and where it comes from, etc.
3. eat more organic, local, raw, vegan.
4. no grocery chains
5. dumpster more.
6. no huge brands/corporations.
7. save up to move west.
8. appreciate and love more.
9. make some goddamn friends. seriously.
10. get more involved in things. stop being so shy and scared.
11. 101 in 1001.
12. go to school.
13. work less. relax more.
14. travel this summer
15. become healthy again: mentally, physically, etc.
16. learn more. read more. make more. do more.
17. as lame as it is, go green. i want to start composting and really hardcore recycling.
18. bike more.
19. stop saying yes when i really mean no. i do this all the time and it causes so much stress.
20. be more politically and socially active. oh and physically active. gah
2008 was really amazing, hopefully, 2009 is just as great.