HELP. RANT.
I am really sick of Pennsylvania and my current life here.
Don't get me wrong, I love Dustin, and I love being with him, and for the first time ever, it feels like someone genuinely loves me for who I am, but sometimes, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things by being here and with him. When we first started dating, he was really into things. He was a really strict vegan, hated capitalism/wage slavery, hated materialistic things, wanted to travel, wanted to move, wanted to be a vegan chef in a big city, wanted to dumpster dive, played the bass...he was just really passionate about things.
Anymore though, I just don't understand it. He's really...responsible? I don't think responsible is even the word...conventional? I don't know. He's no longer vegan, and I've been trying to convince him to cut dairy/animal products out again, but he said it's too hard with little money and since he's so busy in school and work. This is absolute bullshit. The fact of the matter is...he's...no...we've gotten so comfortable to a point where we're just lazy and all passion has been sucked out of us. He could pack a lunch to school or work, start cooking beans and rice, stop relying on Boca and Morningstar bullshit. Not only is the vegan thing bothering me, but I have to practically beg him to dumpster dive or do anything. He told me how he wants to save up and buy a big tv when he graduates and get lots of cable channels. He told me that there's no way my job can be that bad, when really, it is. I make decent money, for a movie store at least, but the ethics of that place kill me everyday. I want to travel all next summer, hop trains, sleep on couches, live. He wants to take a vacation and get a condo by the beach. He no longer wants to be a vegan chef and loves his job. Before, he used to tell me anything was possible that I could go to any school I wanted and we'd make it work, but now he's bothering me to apply to the local school here (that I never wanted to go to ...ever), and live here for two more years because his job is so good. He's been on my ass about applying for financial aid and going to Pitt at GBG, which I really don't want to do but he keeps telling me that it's the logical thing to do. A few weeks ago, I mentioned to him that I was pretty unhappy in general..just a sort of hopelessness that I feel in the wintertime, and that maybe I should go see a psychologist, but really, I just realized that I'm so down because my life has become so stagnant. Since then, he's been on my ass about going to a psychologist again, when I told him that I don't want to be on anymore medication because I get dependent on it and zombielike, and I realize that he just cares about me, but really, I don't think he understands me or I understand him anymore, and I don't think we want the same things out of life, which is really upsetting me more because I truly love Dustin as a human being. I don't know what to do. What does one do when their life is at a standstill?
SHITTTTTTTTTTTt
anyone know of any thing to do or anywhere to go s,das;djasnldja
Don't get me wrong, I love Dustin, and I love being with him, and for the first time ever, it feels like someone genuinely loves me for who I am, but sometimes, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things by being here and with him. When we first started dating, he was really into things. He was a really strict vegan, hated capitalism/wage slavery, hated materialistic things, wanted to travel, wanted to move, wanted to be a vegan chef in a big city, wanted to dumpster dive, played the bass...he was just really passionate about things.
Anymore though, I just don't understand it. He's really...responsible? I don't think responsible is even the word...conventional? I don't know. He's no longer vegan, and I've been trying to convince him to cut dairy/animal products out again, but he said it's too hard with little money and since he's so busy in school and work. This is absolute bullshit. The fact of the matter is...he's...no...we've gotten so comfortable to a point where we're just lazy and all passion has been sucked out of us. He could pack a lunch to school or work, start cooking beans and rice, stop relying on Boca and Morningstar bullshit. Not only is the vegan thing bothering me, but I have to practically beg him to dumpster dive or do anything. He told me how he wants to save up and buy a big tv when he graduates and get lots of cable channels. He told me that there's no way my job can be that bad, when really, it is. I make decent money, for a movie store at least, but the ethics of that place kill me everyday. I want to travel all next summer, hop trains, sleep on couches, live. He wants to take a vacation and get a condo by the beach. He no longer wants to be a vegan chef and loves his job. Before, he used to tell me anything was possible that I could go to any school I wanted and we'd make it work, but now he's bothering me to apply to the local school here (that I never wanted to go to ...ever), and live here for two more years because his job is so good. He's been on my ass about applying for financial aid and going to Pitt at GBG, which I really don't want to do but he keeps telling me that it's the logical thing to do. A few weeks ago, I mentioned to him that I was pretty unhappy in general..just a sort of hopelessness that I feel in the wintertime, and that maybe I should go see a psychologist, but really, I just realized that I'm so down because my life has become so stagnant. Since then, he's been on my ass about going to a psychologist again, when I told him that I don't want to be on anymore medication because I get dependent on it and zombielike, and I realize that he just cares about me, but really, I don't think he understands me or I understand him anymore, and I don't think we want the same things out of life, which is really upsetting me more because I truly love Dustin as a human being. I don't know what to do. What does one do when their life is at a standstill?
SHITTTTTTTTTTTt
anyone know of any thing to do or anywhere to go s,das;djasnldja