(no subject)
I'm ready to go to school. I dont know if I can put up with with all this summer BS anymore. I just feel so beat and burned out. I feel like im just going to explode any time soon.
I feel like shooting stars are just friendly ironic reminders that my wishes won't come true. I feel like last night at 11:11 or day before that one at 5:55 when I wished for people to stop running away from me, or for me to stop scaring people away by caring too much or loving too much, the clocks just laughed at me as 5:55 turned into 5:56 without letting me explain how much i wish for things to be what they used to be.
I want wishes to come true when you ask for them as you see a shooting star. That way I could ask for people to come to back to life. That way i wouldnt have to deal with a person so dear to me dying in such a tragic and unfair way. That way i could make that stupid drunk, drug-adicted asshole hit a lightpost and not a van full of love and laughter and life and talent. But seeing such a wonderful person pass away is the last thing I needed, 6 ppl I know have died in the past 2 months. its NOT fair.
Maybe if wishes came true, my boss wouldnt be bringing people down and we could all do our jobs more efficiently. If 3:33 had worked last tuesday, I wouldnt have to deal with such ignorant, arrogant people. Im tired of work, im tired of being blamed for things i have no control over.
Im tired period. Im tired of having to shave everyday for work, im tired of coming home with horrible headackes and back pain. Im tired of running int oa new bill to pay everytime i think I've saved enough money for my new camera. Im tired of mom calling me on the phone to ask me if im OK only to find myself telkling her im great when I really feel like shit.
Im tired of loving someone so much it scares them away, im tired of not being able to keep people by my side because they can never give me what I give them... if i can do it, then why cant anyone else do it too? Im tired of not being able to cry and scream and punch walls.
Im tired of being afraid, but im afraid of not being so.
I feel like shooting stars are just friendly ironic reminders that my wishes won't come true. I feel like last night at 11:11 or day before that one at 5:55 when I wished for people to stop running away from me, or for me to stop scaring people away by caring too much or loving too much, the clocks just laughed at me as 5:55 turned into 5:56 without letting me explain how much i wish for things to be what they used to be.
I want wishes to come true when you ask for them as you see a shooting star. That way I could ask for people to come to back to life. That way i wouldnt have to deal with a person so dear to me dying in such a tragic and unfair way. That way i could make that stupid drunk, drug-adicted asshole hit a lightpost and not a van full of love and laughter and life and talent. But seeing such a wonderful person pass away is the last thing I needed, 6 ppl I know have died in the past 2 months. its NOT fair.
Maybe if wishes came true, my boss wouldnt be bringing people down and we could all do our jobs more efficiently. If 3:33 had worked last tuesday, I wouldnt have to deal with such ignorant, arrogant people. Im tired of work, im tired of being blamed for things i have no control over.
Im tired period. Im tired of having to shave everyday for work, im tired of coming home with horrible headackes and back pain. Im tired of running int oa new bill to pay everytime i think I've saved enough money for my new camera. Im tired of mom calling me on the phone to ask me if im OK only to find myself telkling her im great when I really feel like shit.
Im tired of loving someone so much it scares them away, im tired of not being able to keep people by my side because they can never give me what I give them... if i can do it, then why cant anyone else do it too? Im tired of not being able to cry and scream and punch walls.
Im tired of being afraid, but im afraid of not being so.