My body's aching and my time is at hand...
...I won't make it any other way.
I've done something to my back. I think I've essentially pulled about every muscle possible from the midline down. In any case, standing and walking have been quite difficult tonight. The dull ache as I sit here is at least tolerable. I'm thinking I should switch to ibuprofen, as the tylenol I took earlier has done nothing.
I often dread what life will become for me as I age. Perhaps it is a consequence of watching my father be robbed of much of his life by disease and age, but I have so many minor health issues (and occasional major ones), that I can't help but think that things will only get worse from here. I'm far too broken for a man of 24.
I've said many times that I don't think I would be the same person, nor would I have the same understanding of life and its fragility were it not for the fact that my father's issues forced me to mature early, but the more I think lately, the more I wonder what I would have been had things been more, well, normal. I'm reminded of a quote from Anderson Cooper's recent book, which was reviewed in Sunday's Indianapolis Star:
"Sometimes I wonder if I'm the person I was born to be, if the life I've lived really is the one I was meant to, or if it is some half life, a mutation engineered by loss, cobbled together by the will to survive."
I'm a much different person than I was 5 or 6 years ago, some of it good, but much of it bad. I'm so much less at ease than I was back then, so much more skittish and obsessive, and I have no idea how to go back. Maybe this, too, is a consequence of aging. Must we become more neurotic as we grow older?
In any case, I can only hold out hope that I will wake up tonight able to walk normally again. I'd really hate for this to ruin this weekend's trip to Albuquerque.
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On a completely unrelated note, RIP Bill Miller, former pianist to Frank Sinatra.
Bill Miller AP Obituary
I've done something to my back. I think I've essentially pulled about every muscle possible from the midline down. In any case, standing and walking have been quite difficult tonight. The dull ache as I sit here is at least tolerable. I'm thinking I should switch to ibuprofen, as the tylenol I took earlier has done nothing.
I often dread what life will become for me as I age. Perhaps it is a consequence of watching my father be robbed of much of his life by disease and age, but I have so many minor health issues (and occasional major ones), that I can't help but think that things will only get worse from here. I'm far too broken for a man of 24.
I've said many times that I don't think I would be the same person, nor would I have the same understanding of life and its fragility were it not for the fact that my father's issues forced me to mature early, but the more I think lately, the more I wonder what I would have been had things been more, well, normal. I'm reminded of a quote from Anderson Cooper's recent book, which was reviewed in Sunday's Indianapolis Star:
"Sometimes I wonder if I'm the person I was born to be, if the life I've lived really is the one I was meant to, or if it is some half life, a mutation engineered by loss, cobbled together by the will to survive."
I'm a much different person than I was 5 or 6 years ago, some of it good, but much of it bad. I'm so much less at ease than I was back then, so much more skittish and obsessive, and I have no idea how to go back. Maybe this, too, is a consequence of aging. Must we become more neurotic as we grow older?
In any case, I can only hold out hope that I will wake up tonight able to walk normally again. I'd really hate for this to ruin this weekend's trip to Albuquerque.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a completely unrelated note, RIP Bill Miller, former pianist to Frank Sinatra.
Bill Miller AP Obituary