Less Enigmatic but still
So I got an email today which said that I'd scored a first on my poetry essay--I don't have the actual numerical value yet, but I will pick up the actual essay tomorrow and see what it is. A first on my first proper essay written in years is a pretty good pick-me-up though, and so I have been in a pretty happy mood since I got the news.
Hell, I've been in a pretty happy mood all day, though that was mostly on account of knowing that I just have the one thing left to do (and I even got a start on it, though only a couple hundred words at the most, I was a bit unwilling for some reason to really sit down and write today). Tomorrow I will go to the library again, take some notes again, and do some more writing. Then I'll pick up my essay and figure out what I'm going to do for Thursday night. It sort of depends on how I'm feeling; odds are I will attempt a quiet night in but such things are rare these days.
I actually managed to defeat a bout of depression last night through sheer force of will, and while I certainly hope that I can continue to do so I occasionally get the feeling that I've fucked something up and now everything is ruined, forever. It's not a particular something, to be honest--two days ago I became convinced that all my essays were shit (which wasn't true, because I got a FIRST) and that I would never be able to do a PhD and everything was ruined forever etc; a friend of mine helped convince me that this was not the case and it wasn't after all.
There are things I talk about sober and things I talk about drunk, and the trick is going to be saying some of the drunken things sober. I have this one last hurdle to clear, I think, mostly because if I cannot get over this lingering paranoia and white-knuckled-terror, I'm never going to manage to deal with the world. I've had a hell of a lot of success in becoming a better dude recently, so I think I'll give it a whirl.
Reckon that is it, guys. If you are of a mind to wish luck for things, wish me luck with my hat.
Hell, I've been in a pretty happy mood all day, though that was mostly on account of knowing that I just have the one thing left to do (and I even got a start on it, though only a couple hundred words at the most, I was a bit unwilling for some reason to really sit down and write today). Tomorrow I will go to the library again, take some notes again, and do some more writing. Then I'll pick up my essay and figure out what I'm going to do for Thursday night. It sort of depends on how I'm feeling; odds are I will attempt a quiet night in but such things are rare these days.
I actually managed to defeat a bout of depression last night through sheer force of will, and while I certainly hope that I can continue to do so I occasionally get the feeling that I've fucked something up and now everything is ruined, forever. It's not a particular something, to be honest--two days ago I became convinced that all my essays were shit (which wasn't true, because I got a FIRST) and that I would never be able to do a PhD and everything was ruined forever etc; a friend of mine helped convince me that this was not the case and it wasn't after all.
There are things I talk about sober and things I talk about drunk, and the trick is going to be saying some of the drunken things sober. I have this one last hurdle to clear, I think, mostly because if I cannot get over this lingering paranoia and white-knuckled-terror, I'm never going to manage to deal with the world. I've had a hell of a lot of success in becoming a better dude recently, so I think I'll give it a whirl.
Reckon that is it, guys. If you are of a mind to wish luck for things, wish me luck with my hat.