Melbourne 02-03 December 2006
Spontaneity. I’d really love to be one of those people who decides something on a whim and just does it, no qualms, no checking with anyone to make sure it’s ok, no getting permission. I’d really love to be one of those people.
But I’m not. And I have a mother who will ensure that I probably won’t ever be like that.
It was hardly even two weeks after Environmentalist and I had met and we were constantly online, smsing, calling or emailing each other. It was crazy - not 30 minutes went past that we didn’t know what the other was doing - but it was also so great. A few days into the week I received a couple of those “get to know you quizzes” so I completed them and included him in the mailing list. When I got them back they were quite interesting to read. As I said to DemonDancer, who kept beaming and continually had a self-satisfied smirk on his face because his “plan” was working, Environmentalist really does tick a whole lot of boxes on my check-list. He’s the right age (30), fun personality (Gemini), smart (Bachelor of Science Graduate Diploma Environmental Science), gainfully employed (Manager of his department, Sustainablity Projects - Water & Energy), drives a nice car (a new Mazda 3 SP3, black), sparkling green eyes, lightening fast wit, respectful, polite, well-mannered, open-minded, cultured, well-dressed, well-groomed, well-heeled … the list goes on. Let’s just say, he’s completely different to a lot of the guys I’ve been meeting on the Sunny Coast (lol I have said repeatedly that if I had lived in a city like Brisbane or Melbourne, I’d be married by now, spoilt for choice).
My only concern was that although we were getting to know each other thru MSN and emails etc, it was never going to be the same as just being in each other’s company, seeing if the spark was actually still there or if it was a build up and we were actually falling for the person we thought the other was. We were joking around one night and Environmentalist said something about spontaneous weekends and just flying off on a whim - and that he’d done it and come to the Gold Coast once. I jokingly replied that if he wasn’t careful, he might have a visitor over that weekend. We laughed it off, but his initial response was enthusiasm. And it got me thinking - why didn’t I go to Melbourne for the weekend? Or if that wouldn’t work, he could always come up to the Sunny Coast. It just so happened that Mumsy was leaving on a bus trip to Stanthorpe early Saturday morning and not getting back until Sunday night. When we talked about it again, Environmentalist said that he couldn’t come up due to rather dire finances (he recently bought a car and had paid bond on the new place he was moving to the following weekend, but I was more than welcome to head down if I wanted to.
I just about drove myself mad with the “will I, won’t I?” debate. I think I also drove Sovereigna, PebblesBamBam and DemonDancer to near-desperation too - they were my awesome sounding boards. Sovereigna would have supported me in whatever decision I made, but she was the balancing voice of reason, telling me to be careful ... basically she was the virtual voice (because of the mad flurry of emails and messenger convos) in my head lol. DemonDancer was really pushing me to go down, and was deflecting my every concern quite effectively. PebblesBamBam was also supportive of me - until I considered going down and not telling my mother about it lol. I knew it was wrong to do that, but I could just imagine her reaction and I knew that it might get to the point that she would cancel her own trip to Stanthorpe that she’d been looking forward to so as to make sure I didn’t take off. Mr IT was completely all for the idea of going without telling her and then if she found out later then it was basically a matter of “Oh well, too late now”. But I knew that would be worse in the long run. And there was no way Mumsy wouldn’t find out. I double-checked with Environmentalist that he really wanted me to go down, and that it wouldn’t freak him out and that it really wasn’t going to put him out. He was so excited and happy, and I was so excited and happy that on Thursday night I had a chat with my mother.
I hadn’t told her much about Environmentalist and had played it down completely when she picked that something was going on when she saw the select, censored photos I showed her of that trip to Melbourne. I had been late-night shopping with Miss Teacher, and then DemonDancer and Mr IT told me to go round to their place after for some reason … I’m still not sure why … so by the time I got home it was close to 11PM. Mum was still up pottering around and in a surprisingly chipper mood considering how late I was coming home. I approached her with a big smile on my face and asked if we could sit down and have a little chat. She asked what was going on and I got her to sit down. I can’t quite remember the flow of the conversation but before I even got the chance to tell her anything, she guessed that I had met somebody. When I smiled and said yes, she again guessed (correctly) that it was Environmentalist. I had to laugh - there went my big revelation LOL. Anyway, we chatted and I kept assuring her that nothing was really going on yet and that we were still in the process of it all getting underway, but I wanted her to know that actually, yes, there was somebody in my life - sort of. She was happy about that, approved of the age and the career, though she was worried about the distance, which is fair enough.
That’s when she surprised me with the comment of: “So I guess that means both of you might be doing a bit of travelling back and forth between here and Melbourne”. I blinked and thought, wow that was easier than I thought it would be! I didn’t bring up the weekend trip right at that moment though, because she asked to see the pictures of him again, and this time I didn’t censor any of them, I showed her all ones that were taken while we were in Melbourne. She commented that she thought he looked like a nice guy (and he was wearing his work clothes - dress pants and shirt - in all the photos, so yes, he looked like a fine, upstanding gentleman), actually reminded her of a little Italian man (somehow! But I can see what she means). She noticed he wasn’t the tallest person in the world but I said he was about my height, which is better than him being either a bean pole or shorter than me lol.
So she seemed ok with it. That’s when I brought up the fact that maybe a trip to Melbourne was closer than she thought … that very weekend in fact. She was taken aback and immediately got on the defensive - but not as badly as I thought she would. But she did start to say that she didn’t think it was a good idea because I’d hardly known the guy for two weeks and here I was off, running down to him, putting myself in a dangerous position. She said he should do the chasing and just to wait for him to come up here at New Years. She was worried that me going down there would make him think he had the green light for it to be a dirty weekend and if he had respect for me, he wouldn’t ask me to go so soon. Her major concern was that I would ruin my reputation - a reputation of being a good, wholesome, level-headed girl. I calmly countered her comments firstly by saying that I hadn’t completely decided if I was going, and that Environmentalist wasn’t pressuring me to go. He would love it if I did, but would understand if I didn’t. I also said that I was more going down because another month of constant texting, emails and phone calls still wouldn’t tell us if the spark that was between us was for real, or just a build-up of anticipation and attraction from meeting someone new. At no point had Mumsy or I discussed sleeping arrangements, but when she mentioned it, I was prepared with the reply that “Could-Be-Sister told me that there would always be a bed for me at her place whenever I went to Melbourne”. Which was true, but also a rather roundabout way of avoiding the question. When she later queried that and said that there was no way I wasn’t staying at Environmentlist’s, I agreed with her, but assured her he had a second bedroom. Which he did. Again, I never specified I’d be sleeping in it lol.
And when it came to her comments about ruining my reputation, I took a step back and said to her that if people knew me, they’d know I wasn’t the type of girl to just run off and compromise all the beliefs I had stood by my entire life. I was going down to try to get to know Environmentalist a bit better, see a bit more of Melbourne and just have some fun. She needed to trust me. She replied with the stock-standard reply that she trusted me but she didn’t even know Environmentalist. I explained his relationship to DemonDancer and DemonDancer’s comment that he would not have ever suggested anything between us if he didn’t hold Environmentalist in the highest regard - he was the only straight guy he knew worthy of dating his wife lol.
And in terms of my reputation - I thought about my friends, the people that matter to me and whose opinions I value, and thought that all of them (whether they knew at that stage or not) would actually be encouraging I go … DemonDancer, Mr IT, PebblesBamBam, Miss Teacher, Frank, Cutie, Drummer Man, Mr Musician …
We didn’t really fight that night -my calm and mature replies to her comments took her aback I think. I didn’t raise my voice, I smiled at her, I didn’t slam things, I didn’t walk away, I didn’t even stamp my foot lol. And I still hadn’t actually decided whether I was going or not … I was leaning more and more towards going, especially after Mumsy didn’t have a heart attack. I should have known that it wouldn’t have been the end of it though :S
The next day I went to work and booked my flights. I knew I didn’t have my mother’s express blessing, but she hadn’t forbidden it (she used her classic line of “I don’t approve but I can’t stop you”) and she hadn’t laid on the guilt too much. That was good enough for me lol. I booked a really early flight on the Saturday morning out of Brisbane, returning to the Sunshine Coast on Sunday evening. They weren’t the cheapest flights, but they were doable. Still, considering it was only for one night, it wasn’t a cheap getaway (and the price was about the same as what Environmentalist paid when he came up over New Years). I was nervous but excited, and DemonDancer was so happy - he was so supportive he offered to take me to the airport the next morning. Considering the flight left at like 6:30AM or something, that was quite an offer lol. I was riding high all day, but predicted that it wouldn’t have been too smooth that night, and I even said to DemonDancer that I expected mum to have a go at me that night, probably even bring up my father and how he wouldn’t let me go.
And I was right. That night was a showdown. It could have been worse, but she did pull out all the expected comments, like I was killing her emotionally, I wasn’t the daughter I should be, I was ruining my reputation, I wasn’t the Frangelica she raised, I wasn’t the Frangelica I once was, I was whoring myself … and then she commented about my father and how he’d be rolling in his grave and that there was no way I’d be acting like this if he was alive. Out of it all, that hurt the most. I know my father wouldn’t have approved, I also know my father wouldn’t have approved of most things I do - and yes, my life probably would be very different if he was around. His conservatism was much stronger than Mumsy’s and not that I’m going out of my way to rebel or hurt her, but I’m just living my life - a whole lot more conservatively than most people. So hearing that in what was a really happy and exciting moment really brought me down. The guilt was laid on thick and it was laid on fast, but again, I calmly and maturely said that I wasn’t changing, and that if she trusted me, she would know that she had nothing to worry about. Not that that argument helped much, but anyway.
So the next morning, DemonDancer came and picked me up at 4AM (bless him) to take me to meet the 6:30AM flight from Brisbane to Melbourne. I left before Mumsy was due to be picked up (5AMish) and she hardly even said anything to me, she was still in bed when I left (though I woke her up because I was worried she wouldn’t be ready in time). My mood was pretty sombre despite how happy I should have been to be going to Melbourne. DemonDancer did his best to try to cheer me up, and we had a pretty good d&m on the way there and by the time I got on the plane, I was much better. As I was walking down to the tarmac to board the flight, Environmentalist smsd me to wish me a safe flight and that he was so happy he’d be seeing me. That also helped lol. The flight was ok, Virgin Blue are normally ok, and I got to be in the newest plane on the fleet - now with personally-controlled, in-seat, in-flight entertainment.
When I got to Melbourne, Environmentalist was waiting by the window near the gate - he’d been watching me walk across the tarmac lol and I walked into a huge hug as he stepped into my path. Because he knew I’m not huge on unnecessary public displays of attention, he waited until we got to the car before really welcoming me like he wanted to lol. At a certain point I noticed a lady watching us from a few metres away and jokingly said we had a spectator - the classic line response of “well then let’s give them something to watch” was promptly delivered and I had no further choice in the matter hehe. Not that I was complaining. I cut that off after a little while, which was for the best - we’d already paid for the parking and needed to get out of there lol.
We were both very easy going in terms of what we were going to do with our time, so we ended up going back to his place in Elwood so I could drop off my bag and then we headed out to Phillip Island, about an hour and a half away - home of the famous Fairy Penguins as well as motorcycle and car racing. Along the way I saw the signs for the touring car racing - it was going to be on the following weekend - bugger! Anyway, conversation flowed easily on the drive and though he drives a manual, we still found ways to hold hands and it wasn’t a stretch for his arm at all to have his hand on my right knee lol. Phillip Island is gorgeous, the main town of Cowes is small and beachy and quite relaxed. We got some grilled fish and chips for lunch (though it was about 2PM) and sat on a grassy knoll overlooking the bay. We strolled around a bit, acting like those couples you see in the movies lol. We took a drive around the Island before finding a gorgeous little cove in the beach and taking a walk. We found a little secluded spot to hang out for a little while before driving back to his place. We didn’t get to see the penguins unfortunately because they come out at sunset and at that stage, sunset was around 9PM - we didn’t plan on being there at 9PM. Though Environmentalist, being quite a spontaneous person, suggested we check into a hotel somewhere nearby and stay there the night … which would have worked if either of us had any spare clothes etc with us. At some stage during the afternoon, one of his mates rang him and he laughed, remembering that he had said that they might have caught up on Saturday night. I said that he could reply or answer the call, not a problem, even call him back if he wanted, but Environmentalist said there was no need, he’d call him Sunday night - his friend would understand. The implications in that comment made me laugh - “I was with a girl, he’ll understand”.
I think we got back to his place at about 5:30PM, both fairly exhausted (considering I had gone to bed at about 2AM to get up at 4AM, and Environmentalist had stayed up and chatted to me. In hindsight, quite possibly if he hadn’t stayed up, I might have got my packing done a bit quicker and might have gone to be a little earlier. But I doubt by much lol. We sat and chilled for a while (I won’t go into detail about how we chilled, I’ll just leave it as “we chilled” :P) and then decided we would have a nanna nap on the couch. We slept for about an hour, waking up around 8:15PM, I think. We were tempted to order in dinner, but finally convinced ourselves that it would be nice to go out for dinner at a local restaurant on the main Elwood street a few minutes’ walk away. We got changed and headed down the back cobbled alleyway (I loved that alleyway!) - it was quarter to 9 and still light! We wandered along the street, stopping to read the menus along the way. Environmentalist was scouring them more than I was (mainly because I’m so used to it now that I can almost always judge just from the dish’s name whether it’s evil or not), and if he wasn’t happy with the choice for me, he’d announce that we were moving on lol. We found an Italian restaurant that was bustling and we were happy with the options on the menu, so we stayed. We settled into the couch (the only seats available) and ordered a bottle of cabernet sauvignon (2004 Yering Station for those playing along at home), which was just delicious. We both ordered the same thing - eye or rib fillet (can’t remember) and we were both quite impressed with the melt-in-your-mouth steak. After we finished the wine and some coffee, we wandered back to his unit. We proceeded to get to know each other more (that’s the classiest way I can say that lol) before curling up and falling asleep. He was respectful and let me call the shots and draw the line, keeping to his promise of “no pressure, no expectations”, and I’m comfortable with what happened. Mumsy didn’t have to worry about her angel being lost either, and she believed me when I told her that after I got back.
We woke up on Sunday morning still curled up together (something we’d both been looking forward to lol). It took us a while to get out of bed, just having a lazy morning. I packed my bag, he put on a load of washing (how domesticated :P) and we went for lunch at a funky little beachside restaurant close by. It was delicious!. We then wandered up and down Elwood beach esplanade - it was glorious weather again, the sun was shining but there was beautiful crisp breeze. We ambled back to his unit, hung out the washing (well he hung out the washing while I chilled on the couch :P), relaxed on the couch for a little while before heading off to the airport. We had both gone quiet and sombre, but at the same time, were trying to stay upbeat and joke with the other. We went looking for a book for me to read on the flight, spending a comfortable 30 minutes in one of the airport shops flicking through books and comparing notes on them. He found a new one he wanted, and I bought The Celestine Prophecy on his recommendation. We then sat and waited at the departure lounge, both of us still in our weird frames of mind. But something had changed. It might have been a defence mechanism on both our parts so that it made it easier, though it felt deeper than that, but we got even weirder, quieter and a little colder towards each other.
The flight home wasn’t too bad, I read most of the way, I actually found the book quite intriguing. I certainly recommend it - and it also gave me a bit of an insight into Environmentalist’s thought process - he had commented that he’s read it a few times and it fits in with his view on life. It’s a story about an ancient Incan ‘manuscript’ that spelt out the nine “insights” about life- in terms of coincidences, recognising the meaning behind them, the reason why people come in and out of your life etc etc. Very interesting. I fell asleep partway through the flight, I think I just sat there with my mouth open lol. Classy.
DemonDancer and Mr IT were waiting for me at the Sunny Coast airport, filming me and taking photos as I crossed the tarmac. I really wished they wouldn’t, noone ever looks their best after being on a flight, and I wasn’t in the best frame of mind, so my smile wasn’t overly enthusiastic. I turned on my phone and saw that Environmentalist had already smsd me a welcome home message lol. I called Mumsy to say I was alive, she was still in Brisbane and would be home after me. The boys really wanted me to stay for dinner, but I declined, I just needed to be alone and was looking forward to that window of time before Mumsy got home. I especially was glad I said no when I found out that Mr IT’s mum and brother would also be at dinner. We did go via their place though - turned out they’d bought me a big soy caramel latte from Gloria Jeans and they heated it back up for me when we stopped in there lol. Honestly, those boys are so good to me.
DemonDancer dropped me home, and we kept the convo short because I wasn’t in an overly talkative mood and he had to get back to his guests. I pottered around for a little while, not really sure what to do with myself and it wasn’t long before Mumsy got home. We exchanged some stories, but mostly about her trip, I was still mulling over mine. I had a fairly early night that night and battled my way thru work the next day, but my thoughts were pretty scattered. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt - about the situation, about Environmentalist, about us. We hadn’t discussed anything like that, and quite honestly, the fact that the wedding date to his ex had been set for the weekend after the one I went down, it wasn’t really appropriate. In the conversations I had with DemonDancer after my trip to Melbourne, I said a few times that Environmentalist, despite having feelings for me, was not ready for anything just yet. I could feel him pulling away (he’s not the clingy type, I know that and so was not being clingy … I actually don’t think I’m overly clingy anyway) and though I tried to keep my behaviour normal, I was pulling away too. He was going through difficult patch and my involvement in his life probably wasn’t helping much. He was also very busy - moving house that weekend, too, and there was a whole lot of packing still to do when I was there lol. I tried not to worry about it too much, but I wasn’t silly.