Lingered Irritation
I'm irritated, pissed off. Someone was supposed to tell me some news only to have it lingering above my head like a fucking cat toy! I know what the news involves, but if someone was just going to keep it hanging above my head like some novelty, it would just be best if it wasn't mentioned at all, except it apparently affects me somehow, and that just makes me even more pissed off.
Somehow, telling me this news is all in the timing as well. Except, when is the best time to tell me? When I'm in a good mood? Or better yet, when I'm in a pissed off mood? Either way the reaction will probably be the same. Now I'm probably at that point where I just don't care.
But...
In the event of being supremely pissed off, I made a mistake. I made a mistake of making an analogy and a comparision which for the most part would make sense until I tried to apply the analogy into this situation. I tried to compare it with my relationship with God.
I realized that when I'm asking God for some answers, I sometimes don't get answers right away. Do I get irritated at God when he does that? I do, but not to the point of being pissed off. Actually, its more like I do one of two things:
1.) I forget about it figuring that the answer will just come to me one day
or
2.) Be patient that the answer is one that involves time
This is probably a rare case where I found that what I apply to God, I don't apply to people. Its extremely common that anything that is applied to people is rarely applied to God. Why is it that this time around I can wait for God but I can't wait for the people around me? Yes, I actually felt guilty when I came to this realization. I stopped being pissed off, inhaled, exhaled, a deep breath, and cleared my mind.
I made a realization that one of the biggest questions I ever had for God was just recently answered. It took God almost 24 years to answer, but it was the best answer that I could ever ask for. I realized that throughout my life, all these dreams I had, all these events I partook in, all the situations I had to endure all had a meaning. Random events and memories that should NOT have had a reason to be remembered but was, only to put them together like pieces of a puzzle and I saw the best picture that was made from that puzzle.
Perhaps its just that as of recently, so many questions I've been looking for have been answered, but I'm looking for the rest of the answers, and hoping they would be answered at the same time, but I need to remind myself that not all the answers WILL be answered immediently. Time does have a reason and a permanent place to stay.
Gah, I feel a bit awful now.
Somehow, telling me this news is all in the timing as well. Except, when is the best time to tell me? When I'm in a good mood? Or better yet, when I'm in a pissed off mood? Either way the reaction will probably be the same. Now I'm probably at that point where I just don't care.
But...
In the event of being supremely pissed off, I made a mistake. I made a mistake of making an analogy and a comparision which for the most part would make sense until I tried to apply the analogy into this situation. I tried to compare it with my relationship with God.
I realized that when I'm asking God for some answers, I sometimes don't get answers right away. Do I get irritated at God when he does that? I do, but not to the point of being pissed off. Actually, its more like I do one of two things:
1.) I forget about it figuring that the answer will just come to me one day
or
2.) Be patient that the answer is one that involves time
This is probably a rare case where I found that what I apply to God, I don't apply to people. Its extremely common that anything that is applied to people is rarely applied to God. Why is it that this time around I can wait for God but I can't wait for the people around me? Yes, I actually felt guilty when I came to this realization. I stopped being pissed off, inhaled, exhaled, a deep breath, and cleared my mind.
I made a realization that one of the biggest questions I ever had for God was just recently answered. It took God almost 24 years to answer, but it was the best answer that I could ever ask for. I realized that throughout my life, all these dreams I had, all these events I partook in, all the situations I had to endure all had a meaning. Random events and memories that should NOT have had a reason to be remembered but was, only to put them together like pieces of a puzzle and I saw the best picture that was made from that puzzle.
Perhaps its just that as of recently, so many questions I've been looking for have been answered, but I'm looking for the rest of the answers, and hoping they would be answered at the same time, but I need to remind myself that not all the answers WILL be answered immediently. Time does have a reason and a permanent place to stay.
Gah, I feel a bit awful now.