Hiding From the World
Sometimes I go into stasis. I just float along, living from day to day, using games and websites to forget that the world exists. I just go numb and let the days carry me away. No need to think. No need to feel. I am happy and content and can help my family and others and not care about myself. I just exist, and am happy with the world that way.
Then, sometimes, I'm forced to remember. I'm forced to look around and realize that I've accepted being a drone because it makes the bleeding stop. Everyone else around me in the real world has someone to help them--someone to love them. They have a power I could not imagine, and it makes me bleed to think of how I felt when I thought someone loved me. It's a wound I can no longer close, except by turning off my heart, and my ability to care about myself, or my fate.
So I hide from the world. I'll go to sleep, wake up to go to work, and disappear for another six months. Years will pass, I'll grow old and gray, and some day I'll be released, to be at peace. There is nothing else here for me, except to take care of my family. Just a quiet penance for past mistakes.
Then, sometimes, I'm forced to remember. I'm forced to look around and realize that I've accepted being a drone because it makes the bleeding stop. Everyone else around me in the real world has someone to help them--someone to love them. They have a power I could not imagine, and it makes me bleed to think of how I felt when I thought someone loved me. It's a wound I can no longer close, except by turning off my heart, and my ability to care about myself, or my fate.
So I hide from the world. I'll go to sleep, wake up to go to work, and disappear for another six months. Years will pass, I'll grow old and gray, and some day I'll be released, to be at peace. There is nothing else here for me, except to take care of my family. Just a quiet penance for past mistakes.