Settling or Accepting?
I was talking about this with my bob today, and I decided that I wanted opinions, so please feel free!
Most people have a list of priority qualities that they feel a partner must have for them to be truely happy. Not little things that can be done without, or that are wanted but not really needed. These are important and often necessary things. Even if you have never been in a relationship and hadn't thought about it too much, there are probably still some that you could think of, such as trust. And if you have been in a relationship then you know the list, or have at least been in the situation where you discovered what was important to you that was there or lacking.
Lets say that you find someone that has all but one of these quailities. It IS on your priority list, so it is important to you, but its not at the very top of the list like love or trust or respect. Do you stay knowing that they are almost perfect (not perfect in the sense of flawless, because no one is, but in that they have almost all of your qualities), but not? Could you be truly happy with them even without this thing? Or would you continue to look for that one person that had everything? Would being with the person with everything minus one, be settling? Settling because its the closest thing you can have to that 'perfect' person without actually having it? Or would it just be accepting that no one is perfect? What if you didn't believe that 'perfect' person existed? Would you give up and be with the person because you don't believe there is better? Or that you couldn't find it? (this isn't to say that the one quality doesn't exist, meerly that you can't seem to find someone with ALL of them).
With that said, lets make it a little more focused.
Would you be with that one person if that lacking quality didn't make you feel completely appreciated or understood? If its something that can be agreed to be worked on, but will never be exactly the same as if it were there to begin with, naturally?
Would you be with that one person if that lacking quality wasn't something that could be worked on? If it was something that was either there or not? What if it was an emotional quality? Not loving or respect or anything like that, but something else that you feel is important? What if it was passion, for example (not necessarly sexual. and Im not sure of thats actually a workable thing or not...)?
In any of these cases, would accepting that the thing isn't there be just accepting, or would it be settling? Would it be fair to you to settle/accept when there is the possibility of that one person out there actually having all the qualities? Would it be fair to the other person knowing that for you something is missing within the relationship? If you didn't believe that 'perfect' individual existed, would it be accepting that no one is in fact perfect, or settling for the best you can find in an attempt to be happy? If you do believe that such a person can exist, but that you just can't find them, would it be accepting what happiness you found, or settling for what you could find, so that you aren't lonely?
Most people have a list of priority qualities that they feel a partner must have for them to be truely happy. Not little things that can be done without, or that are wanted but not really needed. These are important and often necessary things. Even if you have never been in a relationship and hadn't thought about it too much, there are probably still some that you could think of, such as trust. And if you have been in a relationship then you know the list, or have at least been in the situation where you discovered what was important to you that was there or lacking.
Lets say that you find someone that has all but one of these quailities. It IS on your priority list, so it is important to you, but its not at the very top of the list like love or trust or respect. Do you stay knowing that they are almost perfect (not perfect in the sense of flawless, because no one is, but in that they have almost all of your qualities), but not? Could you be truly happy with them even without this thing? Or would you continue to look for that one person that had everything? Would being with the person with everything minus one, be settling? Settling because its the closest thing you can have to that 'perfect' person without actually having it? Or would it just be accepting that no one is perfect? What if you didn't believe that 'perfect' person existed? Would you give up and be with the person because you don't believe there is better? Or that you couldn't find it? (this isn't to say that the one quality doesn't exist, meerly that you can't seem to find someone with ALL of them).
With that said, lets make it a little more focused.
Would you be with that one person if that lacking quality didn't make you feel completely appreciated or understood? If its something that can be agreed to be worked on, but will never be exactly the same as if it were there to begin with, naturally?
Would you be with that one person if that lacking quality wasn't something that could be worked on? If it was something that was either there or not? What if it was an emotional quality? Not loving or respect or anything like that, but something else that you feel is important? What if it was passion, for example (not necessarly sexual. and Im not sure of thats actually a workable thing or not...)?
In any of these cases, would accepting that the thing isn't there be just accepting, or would it be settling? Would it be fair to you to settle/accept when there is the possibility of that one person out there actually having all the qualities? Would it be fair to the other person knowing that for you something is missing within the relationship? If you didn't believe that 'perfect' individual existed, would it be accepting that no one is in fact perfect, or settling for the best you can find in an attempt to be happy? If you do believe that such a person can exist, but that you just can't find them, would it be accepting what happiness you found, or settling for what you could find, so that you aren't lonely?