How To Write A Good Emo Song Part One
Hello! If you're reading this, you must be interested in writing a song in the style commonly known as "emo". Whatever your reasons: be they cashing in on a trend, trying to get a girl to like you, or actually liking this pathetic genre of music, you've come to the right place! The following rules will assist you in your effort to write the most perfect emo song ever. As an added bonus, you get some helpful advice on making a band. So read on, and learn the secrets to success.
RULE #1: Song Titles
This is something you have to think about before you even start thinking about music, lyrics, or rhythm. You MUST have an interesting title for your song. In fact, some people believe that the title of an emo song is the most important part. I'm not going to say whether they're right or not, but I'll say this: it's very important. When choosing a title, the following rules apply:
-it should be as long as possible -- the best ones are complete sentences
-it does not, nay, should not have any connection to the song
"But," you cry, "shouldn't the song title have something to do with the song, and isn't it not that important?" NO! Don't you know anything? First, the title should not have ANYTHING to do with the song. The lyrics are easy, and we'll deal with them later. The title IS THE HARDEST PART! Here, let me explain with some examples:
Example of a bad title:
"One" by Simple Plan
What was Simple Plan thinking? Normally creators of excellent and varied music, they must have not tried with this one. THE TITLE IS ONLY ONE WORD LONG. It's only three letters! That's barely a title at all! To make things worse, they explicitly use the same word in the song, over and over again. There is a lesson to be learned here, children. You don't follow the rules, you get burned.
Example of a good title:
"Existentialism on Prom Night" by Straylight Run
This title is okay. It isn't very long, which is bad. The good thing is, it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SONG! Straylight Run has learned well. There is no mention of a prom night in the song, and the questionable reference to existentialism adds a touch of intellectualism. This allows every outcast teenager who listens to it, and who has never heard of Sartre or Camus, to believe that they actually know something! This title is just super.
Example of a fantastic title:
"Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued" by Fallout Boy
Are you amazed? You should be. By the time you finish saying the title of that baby, the song's probably already done. It's sixteen words of pure genius. Not only that, the song features no lawyers, or mention of being sued. Incredible! Fallout Boy is truely a standout in their field, with other titles like "Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends." In fact, that title might be even better! You see, it works off a hilarious play on words -- champagne and sham pain are homonyms, meaning they sound the same! In a delicious twist, they have recognized this basic feature of the English language and created what must be the Holy Grail of song titles. Kudos to you, Fallout Boy. Kudos.
So you see, those people who say that the title is the most important part of a song just might be right. If you can strive for Fallout Boy excellence, then you too will ascend to the levels of basic English comprehension, able to form sentences, realize when sounds are the same, and string together barely humourous jokes that rely on their length to make them seem awkwardly funny. Stay tuned for part two of this series, when I contemplate lyrics. I know they're not very important, but My Lawyer Told Me I Have To Do A Bit On Lyrics Otherwise I'd Get Sued. Until then, keep on crying in a corner.
RULE #1: Song Titles
This is something you have to think about before you even start thinking about music, lyrics, or rhythm. You MUST have an interesting title for your song. In fact, some people believe that the title of an emo song is the most important part. I'm not going to say whether they're right or not, but I'll say this: it's very important. When choosing a title, the following rules apply:
-it should be as long as possible -- the best ones are complete sentences
-it does not, nay, should not have any connection to the song
"But," you cry, "shouldn't the song title have something to do with the song, and isn't it not that important?" NO! Don't you know anything? First, the title should not have ANYTHING to do with the song. The lyrics are easy, and we'll deal with them later. The title IS THE HARDEST PART! Here, let me explain with some examples:
Example of a bad title:
"One" by Simple Plan
What was Simple Plan thinking? Normally creators of excellent and varied music, they must have not tried with this one. THE TITLE IS ONLY ONE WORD LONG. It's only three letters! That's barely a title at all! To make things worse, they explicitly use the same word in the song, over and over again. There is a lesson to be learned here, children. You don't follow the rules, you get burned.
Example of a good title:
"Existentialism on Prom Night" by Straylight Run
This title is okay. It isn't very long, which is bad. The good thing is, it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SONG! Straylight Run has learned well. There is no mention of a prom night in the song, and the questionable reference to existentialism adds a touch of intellectualism. This allows every outcast teenager who listens to it, and who has never heard of Sartre or Camus, to believe that they actually know something! This title is just super.
Example of a fantastic title:
"Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued" by Fallout Boy
Are you amazed? You should be. By the time you finish saying the title of that baby, the song's probably already done. It's sixteen words of pure genius. Not only that, the song features no lawyers, or mention of being sued. Incredible! Fallout Boy is truely a standout in their field, with other titles like "Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends." In fact, that title might be even better! You see, it works off a hilarious play on words -- champagne and sham pain are homonyms, meaning they sound the same! In a delicious twist, they have recognized this basic feature of the English language and created what must be the Holy Grail of song titles. Kudos to you, Fallout Boy. Kudos.
So you see, those people who say that the title is the most important part of a song just might be right. If you can strive for Fallout Boy excellence, then you too will ascend to the levels of basic English comprehension, able to form sentences, realize when sounds are the same, and string together barely humourous jokes that rely on their length to make them seem awkwardly funny. Stay tuned for part two of this series, when I contemplate lyrics. I know they're not very important, but My Lawyer Told Me I Have To Do A Bit On Lyrics Otherwise I'd Get Sued. Until then, keep on crying in a corner.