Is this a mess?

[forbidden75]

Well it has been a while since I last posted anything.
So much has been going on in last few weeks that have pushed me to my limits; in fact it was close to pushing me over the edge.

I couldn’t talk to anyone but also didn’t want too! I felt like what was the point, they can’t make it better; they can’t make my feelings/ thoughts go away.
So I sat in my pit of self destruction - which is an old Sheryl obsession.

Then there is the whole relationship situation - that’s not anything new - but I wonder can I really ever have a fulfilling relationship? Can someone ever love me for who I fully am? No lies, pretending, changing, just the frakked up mess that is me!

I let Graham into my world, tore back the flesh and let him see all that I truly am - yes I finally trusted a man. The problem is now I feel weak, frightened and exposed; I get hurt so easily from his words, I worry all the time about what he thinks about me etc…

I have so many thoughts, ideas of what to do but no courage to do them. I feel like the terrified little girl once again!