(no subject)
I literally overworked to the point of a mental breakdown. 65 hours a week is kicking my ass. AND I still don't see any money. I find myself randomly breaking down and crying for the stupidest things or for no reason at all. I find I can't sleep even though my exhaustion has hit a point where it's numbing. I find myself wondering a lot about the decisions i've made in my life and wondering if they were for the best or not. I wish I could just get through this awkward moment in my life. Moment being more then just a strange pause in my life but more like a indescribable feeling that sticks to you like glue. My body hurts. My heart hurts. I need to get away. Away from it all. Away from mind numbing nothingness that is me. I'm so alone inside that I don't even feel lonely. As hard as it seems to understand that, that is how I feel. I broken down and shattered to pieces. My energy has been limited to that of work. And that is really even energy. It feels too redundant and lifeless. Like I don't even need to think. It feels as if my mind has gone to waste. The only thing to soothe me now is a hot bath and cigarette. To which I should not be doing. But I cannot get out of this mindless, lifeless routine.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.