My so called life
Though I am not one to usually express my "true" emotions or are able to explain even a glimpse of what I am feeling to anyone, I do know that right now I honestly, want to know why do when bad things go wrong...it just gets worse? You think you're at the bottom and you can't get lower, so you think of ways that it COULD be worse and although it never really gets THAT bad...things get worse. Who the hell "up there" hates me right now? What the hell did I do?
Although I had a fun summer, it didn't end nearly even close to the way I had planned it to end. The semester is already in full swing and I still have an ongoing headache and sleepless nights from "yesterday's" misery. I can't get ahead no matter what I do because my brain is always somewhere else. I don't know how to stop it. I don't know what I could possibly do to make it stop thinking, to make it stop spinning in circles, almost similar to the way it looks in the exorcist (the first one).
Lessons I have already learned in the past 2 months...
~~Trust no one...
~~Have YOU time...
~~Negotiate and plan your day BEFORE it starts...
~~Don't date gay men...if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck...even if HE doesn't know it quite yet...he's a gay duck.
~~Write EVERYTHING...
~~CRY...
~~Spend time with friends & family before tomorrow...tomorrow may NEVER come
~~Always expect the unexpected...
~~Get pissed...
~~Never trust SVSU housing, they always change their rules to find SOME way to screw you over, just like most people and organizations in the world today...
~~Wait for NO ONE...
~~Become who you desperately want to be...
~~Give to those less fortunate, sometimes all they need is a friendly smile...
~~Spend quality time with your animals, because they are your family too...
So the secrets are out...at least those most current --->
~~SVSU housing changed policies and now you have to have a permit to have alcohol in your own house, even if you are 21...didn't know that! So, one day they came to check to see if our "fridge was working"...GHETTO...ya, found all MY alcohol...apparently SVSU now thinks I'm an alcoholic who is made of money and has all the time in the world to go to AA meetings and presenations about binge drinking...awesome.
~~I liked this guy at work...he said he liked me...we started "dating" or hanging out and occasionaly doing nothing more than kissing...one day we had a talk...we became "offical"...and 3 hrs. later over AIM, of all places, he tells me that he is GAY. How does one react to that? 2 days later he is "confused" and still wants to date me...and if not me, than other girls. WTF MATE?? LAME.
~~My dad got into a car accident. Nothing major, but it wrecked the side of his car enough to where you can't open either of the passenger side doors for the time being. He got hit by a truck...a truck with a trailor...a truck with a trailor that was carrying a BULLDOZER! The didn't even see him, and if my dad's story is true...they were at a Michigan left and my dad wasn't even moving at the time. How does one just NOT SEE another car right beside you and then proceed to hit the non-exsistant car, not once, but TWICE with a bulldozer attached to you? I'm happy that my dad just got the hell out of the assholes way so he didn't comepletly run him over.
~~A friend of mine from up here was in a drinking and driving accident last weekend. He and two of his friends are decent...they had to go to the hospital to get glass pulled out of them and cuts looked at, but they are thankfully ok. Their friend however, who was the drunk driver, and not wearing his seatbelt, got thrown from the car, that had rolled 3 times. He had many injuries, the worst was a broken neck. He had to be airlifted from a medical building near where they were to a Saginaw hospital. The worst part is the guys joked about it later, and let us know that it probably won't be the last time something like that happens to them. How many stupid things can people do before it finally occurs to them that they could die???
~~The most recent and currently most devastating of my bad luck is that Tiganna passed away today. My beautiful kitty kat who I believe had a form of cancer, died. I saw her this past Friday and knew she would probably be gone by the end of the week. She was so fragile and couldn't walk very well. I spent most of the afternoon just sitting with her and watching her sleep. I couldn't control the tears all day just the same as I can't right now. On Halloween she would have been 14. I've had her since she was a kitten and don't know how to be without her. On Friday, i brought her up from the basement so she could sleep on the couch with me. She was extremely frightened and uncomfortable upstairs so I took her back to the basement after about an hour. I put her on the couch and intended on seeing her later. About another half hour later I heard her, what had become, faint cry. Her extremely small and fragile legs had made it all the way back up the stairs to be with me even though it was difficult for her to walk across the room without stopping 3 times to rest. I cried...a lot. Even though I am not at home, and I havent spent a lot of time with her the past couple of years...she was my cat. She was always there just like any other fixture of the house. Now, she won't be. Now I'm worried about Sam because he has been with her his entire life. He is going to be extremely confused and probably won't know what to do without her just like the rest of the family. Hopefully my dad will cater to him a little more for awhile.
Like I said, all in all...my life could be a lot worse. I could have been in, or had close family or friends in either of the hurricanes, or in Iraq, or in 9-11. But I didn't and I don't. I could not have anyone who cares about me as much as you guys and the rest of my family and friends do. I could not be going to school right now and be a bum on my parents couch. Life could be so much worse and I know that, but that doesn't make anything that is happening or has happened that much easier to bear. I miss you guys so much and the fact that you aren't around everyday to talk to I feel like we are distant and I can't communicate with you and see you as much as I want. I HATE it. All I wanna do is graduate and move. I want to get the hell out of here and start a new life...somewhere else...not here.
Although I had a fun summer, it didn't end nearly even close to the way I had planned it to end. The semester is already in full swing and I still have an ongoing headache and sleepless nights from "yesterday's" misery. I can't get ahead no matter what I do because my brain is always somewhere else. I don't know how to stop it. I don't know what I could possibly do to make it stop thinking, to make it stop spinning in circles, almost similar to the way it looks in the exorcist (the first one).
Lessons I have already learned in the past 2 months...
~~Trust no one...
~~Have YOU time...
~~Negotiate and plan your day BEFORE it starts...
~~Don't date gay men...if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck...even if HE doesn't know it quite yet...he's a gay duck.
~~Write EVERYTHING...
~~CRY...
~~Spend time with friends & family before tomorrow...tomorrow may NEVER come
~~Always expect the unexpected...
~~Get pissed...
~~Never trust SVSU housing, they always change their rules to find SOME way to screw you over, just like most people and organizations in the world today...
~~Wait for NO ONE...
~~Become who you desperately want to be...
~~Give to those less fortunate, sometimes all they need is a friendly smile...
~~Spend quality time with your animals, because they are your family too...
So the secrets are out...at least those most current --->
~~SVSU housing changed policies and now you have to have a permit to have alcohol in your own house, even if you are 21...didn't know that! So, one day they came to check to see if our "fridge was working"...GHETTO...ya, found all MY alcohol...apparently SVSU now thinks I'm an alcoholic who is made of money and has all the time in the world to go to AA meetings and presenations about binge drinking...awesome.
~~I liked this guy at work...he said he liked me...we started "dating" or hanging out and occasionaly doing nothing more than kissing...one day we had a talk...we became "offical"...and 3 hrs. later over AIM, of all places, he tells me that he is GAY. How does one react to that? 2 days later he is "confused" and still wants to date me...and if not me, than other girls. WTF MATE?? LAME.
~~My dad got into a car accident. Nothing major, but it wrecked the side of his car enough to where you can't open either of the passenger side doors for the time being. He got hit by a truck...a truck with a trailor...a truck with a trailor that was carrying a BULLDOZER! The didn't even see him, and if my dad's story is true...they were at a Michigan left and my dad wasn't even moving at the time. How does one just NOT SEE another car right beside you and then proceed to hit the non-exsistant car, not once, but TWICE with a bulldozer attached to you? I'm happy that my dad just got the hell out of the assholes way so he didn't comepletly run him over.
~~A friend of mine from up here was in a drinking and driving accident last weekend. He and two of his friends are decent...they had to go to the hospital to get glass pulled out of them and cuts looked at, but they are thankfully ok. Their friend however, who was the drunk driver, and not wearing his seatbelt, got thrown from the car, that had rolled 3 times. He had many injuries, the worst was a broken neck. He had to be airlifted from a medical building near where they were to a Saginaw hospital. The worst part is the guys joked about it later, and let us know that it probably won't be the last time something like that happens to them. How many stupid things can people do before it finally occurs to them that they could die???
~~The most recent and currently most devastating of my bad luck is that Tiganna passed away today. My beautiful kitty kat who I believe had a form of cancer, died. I saw her this past Friday and knew she would probably be gone by the end of the week. She was so fragile and couldn't walk very well. I spent most of the afternoon just sitting with her and watching her sleep. I couldn't control the tears all day just the same as I can't right now. On Halloween she would have been 14. I've had her since she was a kitten and don't know how to be without her. On Friday, i brought her up from the basement so she could sleep on the couch with me. She was extremely frightened and uncomfortable upstairs so I took her back to the basement after about an hour. I put her on the couch and intended on seeing her later. About another half hour later I heard her, what had become, faint cry. Her extremely small and fragile legs had made it all the way back up the stairs to be with me even though it was difficult for her to walk across the room without stopping 3 times to rest. I cried...a lot. Even though I am not at home, and I havent spent a lot of time with her the past couple of years...she was my cat. She was always there just like any other fixture of the house. Now, she won't be. Now I'm worried about Sam because he has been with her his entire life. He is going to be extremely confused and probably won't know what to do without her just like the rest of the family. Hopefully my dad will cater to him a little more for awhile.
Like I said, all in all...my life could be a lot worse. I could have been in, or had close family or friends in either of the hurricanes, or in Iraq, or in 9-11. But I didn't and I don't. I could not have anyone who cares about me as much as you guys and the rest of my family and friends do. I could not be going to school right now and be a bum on my parents couch. Life could be so much worse and I know that, but that doesn't make anything that is happening or has happened that much easier to bear. I miss you guys so much and the fact that you aren't around everyday to talk to I feel like we are distant and I can't communicate with you and see you as much as I want. I HATE it. All I wanna do is graduate and move. I want to get the hell out of here and start a new life...somewhere else...not here.