no cigars yet, but i’ll take a gin and soda
something about now... it's always tricky. i love being a woman though. because we're used to the circular routine of birth, life, sex, death... we do it every single month. right now, i'm dying. but i will be born again soon.
in the context of a year... as i get older, i realize i'm not the only one who gets weird in a pre-spring funk kind of thing. it really is a confusing time filled with lots of ambiguity. makes sense though... we're all about to be renewed... regenerated. this time is riddled by birth pangs. and contractions hurt. (my friends who are mothers are probably like, "you have no idea, sister.")
and these weeks are always the hardest... extreme fluxuations in weather accompany those in moods, mind and body. i think we just have to roll with it. let the wind knock us around a bit, let the pollen infect our senses, hide out alone while we shed our skin, nourish and fertilize. i think i just need to learn that alcohol is not a proper fertilizer... these are also months of self-destruction. but we all deal with it in our own way
always living and dying though... but right now it's real. i prefer to listen to modest mouse around this time of year. they just have this great way pin-pointing that beautiful ambiguity within the sorrow, solace, and peace of death, and the excitement, intensity and terror of birth... an ambiguity that constantly characterizes life itself because we're always in between the two. sprouts are an inextricable part of my daily diet as well... plant sperm. i love it. how festive, right?!
and then there are moments... much like this one. moments of transcendence? if that's possible. i think i'm finally ready to make this paper happen. i think the crone in me is just the one who has to write it and she is finally here... here to rescue me from my innocent, virginal, childlike disposition who finds comfort in anything but mental stimulation... avoiding it like a frat guy who avoids the library (pardon the analogy, but cu-denver isn't the most, ahem, academically-focused campus). she's here though... the wise old bitch who isn't that nice, but always comes through at the right moment, always on time for the new moon. i'm terrified right now though... two more weeks. not only until the conference, but spring, birth, renewal: the end of contractions, shedding, naked trees, dead grass, coats and snow; the beginning of new fears, feats, winds, sprouts, grass, blossoms, seasonal rituals... riding the circle. i keep coming back to the same question in my mind though: what exactly are we giving birth to?
alright... back to women's empowerment, liars, politics and money...
in the context of a year... as i get older, i realize i'm not the only one who gets weird in a pre-spring funk kind of thing. it really is a confusing time filled with lots of ambiguity. makes sense though... we're all about to be renewed... regenerated. this time is riddled by birth pangs. and contractions hurt. (my friends who are mothers are probably like, "you have no idea, sister.")
and these weeks are always the hardest... extreme fluxuations in weather accompany those in moods, mind and body. i think we just have to roll with it. let the wind knock us around a bit, let the pollen infect our senses, hide out alone while we shed our skin, nourish and fertilize. i think i just need to learn that alcohol is not a proper fertilizer... these are also months of self-destruction. but we all deal with it in our own way
always living and dying though... but right now it's real. i prefer to listen to modest mouse around this time of year. they just have this great way pin-pointing that beautiful ambiguity within the sorrow, solace, and peace of death, and the excitement, intensity and terror of birth... an ambiguity that constantly characterizes life itself because we're always in between the two. sprouts are an inextricable part of my daily diet as well... plant sperm. i love it. how festive, right?!
and then there are moments... much like this one. moments of transcendence? if that's possible. i think i'm finally ready to make this paper happen. i think the crone in me is just the one who has to write it and she is finally here... here to rescue me from my innocent, virginal, childlike disposition who finds comfort in anything but mental stimulation... avoiding it like a frat guy who avoids the library (pardon the analogy, but cu-denver isn't the most, ahem, academically-focused campus). she's here though... the wise old bitch who isn't that nice, but always comes through at the right moment, always on time for the new moon. i'm terrified right now though... two more weeks. not only until the conference, but spring, birth, renewal: the end of contractions, shedding, naked trees, dead grass, coats and snow; the beginning of new fears, feats, winds, sprouts, grass, blossoms, seasonal rituals... riding the circle. i keep coming back to the same question in my mind though: what exactly are we giving birth to?
alright... back to women's empowerment, liars, politics and money...