commentary: fire upon the walls of Gaza
Commentary on fire upon the walls of Gaza as requested by tidbit2008. Originaly posted here (or in a slightly less edited version here).
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I feel like I should start out by saying that I had known I wanted to do a 'mood piece' of sorts for Memorial Day/Gaza for a LONG time. Then I really wanted to do something for Pam's stocking after she wrote me that awesome Toby + Josh go to a Subway Series piece (which, okay, *technically* I didn't know she wrote until after the reveal, but let's be honest, I knew). And the two kind of merged together.
In his head, there are sirens. They start up the second he sees the news. First things first, referring back to Noel and his PTSD. I really wanted to bring back as much of that as possible. Josh has seen so many terrible things in his life. He really does carry the weight of the world on his shoulders sometimes, you know? Oh Joshua, I love you.
Andy’s on the phone, and on TV, and she’s okay. But Donna. Donna. Donna was in the car.
(He sees the black suburban explode, burst into flames. Over and over.)
No one will tell him anything. I always feel like the not knowing is always the worst, especially for someone like Josh.
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The sirens don’t fade.
He spends the better part of twenty minutes on hold, passed around between doctors and nursing stations and hospitals before he gets any answer at all. Stable enough to move, he hears, and he wants to be encouraged. But really, that sounds ambiguous, uncertain. Ominous.
A shy young intern brings him a post it note and gets snapped at for her trouble. There is only one thing on Josh's mind, and being nice to shy young interns probably isn't it, you know? ;)
Mr. & Mrs. Moss, WI, he dials, and the numbers ring in his ears. Deafening.
“Hello,” a woman picks up. Cheerful.
“Mrs. Moss?” his voice breaks. “Mrs. Moss, It’s Josh. I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
She drops the phone.
The hospital calls back.
This section may be the most disjointed of the four. At least, it's supposed to be. I particularly liked the contrast of Donna's mother dropping the phone in shock, and the hospital coming back.
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It crescendoes.
He follows the senior staff, but he isn’t with them. There are no merits to this discussion on military action, no choice. (This was a callback to Bartlet and Morris Tolliver in the very beginning of the show. Not sure how obvious it was, but that was kind of my intention.) So he, too, explodes like the suburban.
This isn’t an opportunity; this is war.
Kill them. Kill them all, is the only thought he grasps.
In his heart, he believes it. Leo understands.
The President may need him, but she needs him more.
So Leo sets him free.
This is the part where I talk about how much I love that moment where Leo says "If there's somewhere else you'd rather be, everyone would understand" (not the exact quote, but more or less). Guh.
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This time the sirens are real.
He’s on his way to Dulles when he passes an accident on the side of the road. Rescue vehicles everywhere in a scene too eerie to be coincidence. Paramedics load a passenger into the ambulance and he scoffs, silently. Accident is the worst possible euphemism.
LOL FUNNY STORY. I used almost an exact replica of that "accidents" line in a Mentalist fic I wrote at the end of May. Completely unintentionally, I might add. I'm going to plead "Good writers borrow from other writers, great writers steal from them outright" -- or, in other words, it's APPROPRIATE for me to borrow from myself. Not that I'm a great writer by any means, BUT! Sorkin approves of the borrowing from oneself premise. I've noticed quite a bit of overlap, not only in names, but in actual lines since I started rewatching Sports Night.
Four red lights stand between him and the airport.
He doesn’t stop for any of them.
I started the fic from the end lines. I worked from there. I feel like that is somehow important to mention. I'm proud of sticking references to both Noel and 17 People in this. I ♥ those episodes so much.
Final thoughts? I'm not sure what else to say. This is another one of my favorite things I've written/things I'm most proud of. I quite enjoyed going back over it.
Oh, one last note. I came up with the title by googling Bible verses + Gaza, plus some input from greer81. I knew that I wanted to use a Bible verse as the opener/quote thing instead of my usual (song lyrics, most frequently). After I decided on using this particular verse, I decided it fit as the title too.
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I feel like I should start out by saying that I had known I wanted to do a 'mood piece' of sorts for Memorial Day/Gaza for a LONG time. Then I really wanted to do something for Pam's stocking after she wrote me that awesome Toby + Josh go to a Subway Series piece (which, okay, *technically* I didn't know she wrote until after the reveal, but let's be honest, I knew). And the two kind of merged together.
In his head, there are sirens. They start up the second he sees the news. First things first, referring back to Noel and his PTSD. I really wanted to bring back as much of that as possible. Josh has seen so many terrible things in his life. He really does carry the weight of the world on his shoulders sometimes, you know? Oh Joshua, I love you.
Andy’s on the phone, and on TV, and she’s okay. But Donna. Donna. Donna was in the car.
(He sees the black suburban explode, burst into flames. Over and over.)
No one will tell him anything. I always feel like the not knowing is always the worst, especially for someone like Josh.
---
The sirens don’t fade.
He spends the better part of twenty minutes on hold, passed around between doctors and nursing stations and hospitals before he gets any answer at all. Stable enough to move, he hears, and he wants to be encouraged. But really, that sounds ambiguous, uncertain. Ominous.
A shy young intern brings him a post it note and gets snapped at for her trouble. There is only one thing on Josh's mind, and being nice to shy young interns probably isn't it, you know? ;)
Mr. & Mrs. Moss, WI, he dials, and the numbers ring in his ears. Deafening.
“Hello,” a woman picks up. Cheerful.
“Mrs. Moss?” his voice breaks. “Mrs. Moss, It’s Josh. I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
She drops the phone.
The hospital calls back.
This section may be the most disjointed of the four. At least, it's supposed to be. I particularly liked the contrast of Donna's mother dropping the phone in shock, and the hospital coming back.
---
It crescendoes.
He follows the senior staff, but he isn’t with them. There are no merits to this discussion on military action, no choice. (This was a callback to Bartlet and Morris Tolliver in the very beginning of the show. Not sure how obvious it was, but that was kind of my intention.) So he, too, explodes like the suburban.
This isn’t an opportunity; this is war.
Kill them. Kill them all, is the only thought he grasps.
In his heart, he believes it. Leo understands.
The President may need him, but she needs him more.
So Leo sets him free.
This is the part where I talk about how much I love that moment where Leo says "If there's somewhere else you'd rather be, everyone would understand" (not the exact quote, but more or less). Guh.
---
This time the sirens are real.
He’s on his way to Dulles when he passes an accident on the side of the road. Rescue vehicles everywhere in a scene too eerie to be coincidence. Paramedics load a passenger into the ambulance and he scoffs, silently. Accident is the worst possible euphemism.
LOL FUNNY STORY. I used almost an exact replica of that "accidents" line in a Mentalist fic I wrote at the end of May. Completely unintentionally, I might add. I'm going to plead "Good writers borrow from other writers, great writers steal from them outright" -- or, in other words, it's APPROPRIATE for me to borrow from myself. Not that I'm a great writer by any means, BUT! Sorkin approves of the borrowing from oneself premise. I've noticed quite a bit of overlap, not only in names, but in actual lines since I started rewatching Sports Night.
Four red lights stand between him and the airport.
He doesn’t stop for any of them.
I started the fic from the end lines. I worked from there. I feel like that is somehow important to mention. I'm proud of sticking references to both Noel and 17 People in this. I ♥ those episodes so much.
Final thoughts? I'm not sure what else to say. This is another one of my favorite things I've written/things I'm most proud of. I quite enjoyed going back over it.
Oh, one last note. I came up with the title by googling Bible verses + Gaza, plus some input from greer81. I knew that I wanted to use a Bible verse as the opener/quote thing instead of my usual (song lyrics, most frequently). After I decided on using this particular verse, I decided it fit as the title too.
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