(no subject)
I haven't written anything in a while. Mainly because I don't really do anything anymore, well atleast I haven't in the last six months. My life has honestly just withered away from me and alls I've done is sit down to watch it. My life has been so time consuming, but for all the wrong reasons. I haven't hungout, like really hungout with my friends in a while. and I'm really regretting that more and more now because in seven months, they aren't going to be around anymore. I haven't made much time for my mother, who does absolutely everything for me. I haven't helped around the house or done anything. Granted I go to school and work, but I don't even like school anymore. I'm so ready to be out of it, but at the same time I'm too sheltered. I dislike so many people, that it's starting to scare me. I worry more than any seventeen year old girl should. I have terrible trust issues for reasons among reasons. I'm so miserable that alls I want to do is sleep. I've pushed people away, ignored them, and now they've just given up on me. And I don't blame them. I make my own decisions but I'm realizing now that I've been making all the wrong ones. I've dreamed of going to Albany or Rhode Island for college, and come next fall I'll be attending Dutchess. And that decision is killing me more and more because I just want to get the fuck away from here. As far away as possible. I'm not happy anymore. I don't have a life anymore. My life has become so revolved around one thing. I become so quickly dependent on people and I'm now finally realizing that I don't need anyone but myself. I am the only person I can trust, and depend on. Though I've been royally fucking up lately, I can make mistakes. I'm not perfect, nor close to it. I'm just so sick of feeling like this. I'm so sick of crying, I'm so sick of fighting. I just want nothing to do with it anymore.