No Ordinary Love, Part 3, chapter 222
222
“Hey, guys,” my heartedly smile shrunk to small grin at the sight of Kai’s sulken face. Not so good obviously.
“Wonderful,” sang Massa hopping to briefly hug me before she happily trailed off down to the living room.
Kneeling down to Kai’s eye level I put my hands on his shoulder. “Hey, big boy. I’ve missed you.” Kai took a step closer coming in my embrace but his hands seemed unwilling to move, remained to hang on both of his sides. I had my suspicions and predictions for his washed out and spit out look. “I love you, kiddo,” my arms squeezed his tiny frame and he let himself stay locked in them for few moments longer than usual. Pulling myself away from him, my eyes locked with his. His eyes depraved of the usual radiance lingered unafraid to be read. “We’ll get through this. Together,” rolled over my mouth in sympathetic confident manner. Silent understanding passed between us.
“Love you, dad,” he heavily sighed with a tired nod in gratitude.
“Mom will understand if you go to room, you know,” I reminded him that he has every right to do whatever he feels like doing, now when he’s back under our roof. If he’s anything like me, right now he craves for quiet solitude.
“It’s ok,” he assured me starting towards the living room as I closely followed.
Sweetie just finished feeding Kai’s little sister and was wiping Ari’s mouth when we walked into the room. Her eyes almost unnoticeably flickered few times from Kai to me and back. It was all it took her to lessen her excitement.
“Hey love,” soft sympathetic smile graced her lips as her arms opened elegantly for Kai to enter them then closed on his back. With moterhly care she patted his shoulder blade telling him she missed him.
“Missed you,” again that heavy sigh escaped our son’s lips.
Sweetie’s eyes caught mine and we both smirked at his words. Yes, it happening. That one thing we expected in future.
Kai’s head lazily rested on his mother’s shoulder as his left hand reached out without enthusiasm it usually posseses and tickled his baby sister’s little nose.
“You’re lucky you’re just a baby,” he comented watching her frown as her eyebrows furrowed. On any other day that would make him chuckle. But not today.
“Ari biggie,” his sister replied defiantly, jutting her chin and proudly raising her head. She was already in the phase when she no longer allowed to be addressed as a little or small.
“Sure, you are,” he returned sad smile, peeling himself off of his mother’s embrace. “I’m just joking Ri.”
“Kai, Kai bad,” she threatened him with her index finger; a gesture Kat taught her while Kai was away; a motion she now happily used in all occasions.
“Love, you probably want to go have some rest, huh?” Sweetie asked as her right hand soothingly glided over his left upper arm and he nodded.
“We’re here, ok?” I reminded him as he passed me by with his head bowed on his way outignoring my pat of his hair.
Massa nearly bumped into him as she rushed over to us. He just stopped in his pace for a brief moment as she apologized giggling then just continued to walk.
“Someone had a great time for sure,” Sweetie’s voice teasing Massa filled the room with positive atmosphere. Change of heart, that is necessary when kids are in the house.
“Oh, yes,” Massa purred then as girls infatuated with love do she went in length retelling us everything about it. Well, actually she mostly chated about the boy she’s obviously in love with. Basically, he’s a very sweet, charming, cute, intelligent guy who is of course a bit older than her and of course finds her wonderful. Isn’t love a fantastic thing or what?
Of course, he’s sweet, charming and cute. We always fall for people we find being all that. Who the hell falls in love with jealous, envious, greedy, weak, boring personalities? No one. We figure that out later. We fall for nice people, for people that tickle our imagination and grasp our interest. The more time we spend with them the more we really began to see them in their real light. As time passes we witness how the object of our love slowly fades away, how all those things we fell for gradually disappear. No, we think they disappear. We are mistaken to believe how something brought on a major change, when the truth is much simpler. They weren’t never there in that scope we considered them present. It’s our little minds that exgaggerated everything, turned someone modestly nice into someone incredibly kind. It’s our own minds and our own eyes that see things wrong or fail to see properly. Just as we fail to recognize it.
That’s probably the reason for being so defensive when our friends or family tell us that we’re rushing into things or that we should cool down. Remember that? We so refuse to hear them out, we block them and believe them being wrong or not knowing what they’re talking about. But they do know. So do we. Just how many times we had said those same lines to our friends or relatives? But we never see it in such light. We don’t think we’re truly blind when our eyes finally open. No. It’s so wrong to admit you have made such wrong decision, isn’t it? It’s easier to blame it on the other person for dealing with disappointment of unfulfilled fantasies, dreams about future, little trips for the weekend that will never happen is hard in its own right. Basically we help ourselves get over that disappointment by sharing the part of the blame. For it can’t be only our fault, right?
In the spirit of collective support of that infatuating, inevitable blindness Sweetie and I genuinely smiled and shared Massa’s happiness. We fully supported her first or maybe second temporar loss of eye sight and common sense, attentively listening to her endless chatter.
We even agreed to allow that boy to come over when he comes to visit her one of these days. Yes, we did all that, and before anyone tells us we are bad parents for supporing girl over who our own son is now heartbroken let me remind you that we’d rather be bad parents in your eyes than bad people in our own. We live with ourselves not with you. Not to mention we’d rather have them both under our roof than wonder where are they or what’s going on. We were responsible to take care for her, we promised Berta we’ll treat her like she our own and that’s also part of the bargain.
“Thanks guys, you’re the greatest,” Massa rejoiced when we told her she can invite him to our house.
“And Kai? Did he behave himself” I asked playfully trying not reveal what was really on my mind. It’s not her problem nor her business. It’s our thing and shouldn’t affect her moment of happiness.
“Oh, well, no, not really,” she frowned. “He was all quiet, barely even spoke to me,” she explained. “I think he didn’t like any of my friends from there,” she paused.
Oh, heavenly ignorance what bliss you indeed are, I chuckled on the inside. Oh silly little girl it’s not the plural that he didn’t like. And it’s not someone unknown that made him silent but someone he knows all too damn well.
Massa explained how she tried to cheer him up but he refused. Well, of course. She said how she asked him what’s wrong and got nothing in return more than he’s a bit uncomfortable because he’s surrounded with kids he doesn’t know. Yes, a poor attempt at lie that you wish will give you a cover yet so revealing that you’re actually hoping your excuse will miserably fail and you’ll be caught in lie. Another thing we do and that never works.
“He was just so strange,” little pretty head concluded with some worry. “Like he didn’t actually want to be there at all.”
Oh, he did but he had different expectations. He hoped even there he’ll have your undivided attention only to realize he’s not the only boy you hug and kiss on the cheek; that he’s not so special as he believed he is, at least not in the way he wants to be. Oh, sweet, little innocent girl if only you’d know; if only he really knew what you really mean to him; he certainly would even think to go and put himself to such torture. To have a revelation that you’re in love in the same moment when you’re realizing you can’t have the one you love is too much even for a grown up person. I could only imagine how it must be for a little kid who didn’t want to listen.
“I got to make a phone call,” Massa rejoiced, hopped off the sofa and we heard her running upstairs.
“Well, daddy, looks like we’re about to find out what our kid is made of,” Sweetie smiled as I pulled her into hug as Ari scrambled into my lap.
“Yeah,” I sighed watching Ari play with my shirt twisting and turning it in her hand, inspecting her. Or maybe just trying to rip off Iggy Pop’s face off of it and chew it. “You think he had enough of alone time or maybe we should wait a bit longer?”
“There’s only one way to find out,” she shrugged and I nodded. “Ari, love, would you get off of daddy?”
“No, no,” little devil shook her head. Why would she when she had unafinished business to attend and improve my fashion style.
“Kai’s sad darling,” I talked to her and she instantly locked her eyes with mine as I talked. “Want to go cheer him up?”
“Sad?” she didn’t understand, sweet little angel.
“Yes, sad,” Sweetie confirmed mimicking the emotion which Ari instinctively tried to imitate with her own face “Want to make your brother happy?” Sweetie then flashed a smile.
“Yessss,” Ari grinned like a Cheshire cat letting go of my shirt.
“Ok, then we have to walk to his room,” I pointed out. “Do you want daddy to carry you?”
“No! Ari biggie. Ari walk,” she said as she flopped on her belly, pushing herself backwards slowly sliding down my legs carefully holding herself so not to fall. “Ari walk,” she proudly exclaimed when her feet were on the floor. Smiling I thought we got another independent do-it-yourself kind of child.
“Ok, let’s go talk to Kai,” Sweetie got up with me. Slowly and patiently, we followed each step of Ari’s little walk to the stairs. Noticing, she’s still to little to be absolutely sure but, she seemed to share some of her mother’s graceful catwalk, I smiled. Her moves were slowly improving as she was growing more confident, but she surely wasn’t clumsy as Kai was at her age.
When she reached the first step she stopped, holding out both of her hands waiting for us to take them. Sweetie was on her left, I took the right and slowly we watched our daughter conquering each of the steps encouraged with our praise for her efforts. When her feet reached the upper floor feeling stable enough she slipped her hands from us heading to Kai’s door and banged on it.
“Kai, Kai, open, open,” she called for him and made me chuckle.
“Wait darling,” I gently told her as I politely knocked on Kai’s door.
Of course, there was no reply. He never replies no matter what his mood might be. He had a key in the lock on the inside but he never used it. He preferred you coming inside and in case he’s not interested in talking to you to simply say ‘I’d like to be alone’ than let you kiss the door.
So it wasn’t surprise, that when I turned the knob and slowly pushed the door, they opened. Ari run in like a little stampedo and by the time I closed the door behind Sweetie she was already half way up on Kai’s bed. She was a pretty strong little girl, if there was something she could grab and use as a climber you can bet your ass she’ll make it to the top. And Kai’s bed with a bit too big purple sheets reaching to the floor presented no challenge for her.
“Ari, I’m not in the mood to play,” Kai half-heartedly turned on his side to look at his little sister that was now set to climb on top of him. She sat on his belly and flashed a huge grin.
“Kai, happy, happy,” she said as she clapped her hands, like she was instructing him, or ordering him to instantly do as he was told.
“No, Kai’s not happy, happy Ri,” he returned accepting her little hand and pulling her a bit up closer to his chest.
“Sad, sad Kai?” she cocked her head and gazed in his eyes like she’s trying to make a mental imprint in her little head of something she yet couldn’t truly understood. For her her brother was always happy, playful, charming, teasing and prankster, but never sad, sad Kai as she now saw him.
“Yeah, sad, sad Kai,” his heavy sigh confirmed her guess. She remained hypnotized with her brother’s face and continued her own inspection in attempt to understand him. I wondered what the feeling is that she’s experiencing at the moment; how the hell her brain is making all those little connections as she’s trying to learn the definitions of this world.
“Would you like us to leave, darling?” Sweetie asked him and he shrugged.
“It’s ok,” he returned and only then Sweetie and I walked over to his bed and sat. He kept his gaze at his sister as we gave him all the time he needs to decided whether he’s ready to talk to us or not.
Sweetie moved her left hand and placed it over Kai’s hand very gently. He turned it a little so he was holding her now and gently squeezed it.
Ari straightened up her head; a sign she’s done with whatever she was doing and slid from Kai towards me and looked at me with her naïve radiant shade of gray.
“Sing, sing,” she demanded from me turning her head to her mother and demanded the same.
Having in mind it’s my first born’s room so it were his rules, I glanced at Kai and he gave me little nod to go on and fulfill his sister’s wish. Leaning to my side of the bed, I picked up a guitar that slept under Kai’s bed and switched my sitting position to Indian style. One of the perks when your child is playing an instrument is that you know he’ll have them in his room. Kai had several of them. His first custom made drum kit was still set up like someone’s still playing it right next to the one Fritz had gave him that he regularly uses. His first love took special place under his bed, like his daddy used to do when he was child. That one was for special occasions. The other one we bought him later was leaned against the wall.
“Can mommy sing, too?” I asked glancing at Ari as I randomly hit the strings still not begining any particular song.
“Yessssss,” she quickly nodded spunning her head at smiling Sweetie.
“I would’ve given you all of my heart,” I began first chords of good old Cat Stevens and Sweetie joined in. If there’s some song that is more appropriate for first heartbreak than this one let me know and I’ll certainly argue you sensless you’re just plain wrong. And still it amazed me how so fucking good Sweetie’s voice match with mine.
Even that she couldn’t really sing a single word, Ari certainly could sing the melody itself and what was really making both Sweetie and me happy she could hit the tune and remain in it.
“Do it again,” Kai wished somewhat enthusiastically when we finished it for the first time and Ari happily clapped her hands. That first round he spent with eyes focused on his little amazing sister who was rocking herself in the rhythm, making funny faces as she was trying to remain focused on the tune. Yes, she was funny as hell and improved her brother’s mood enough for him to sing along with us. “Last love song, mom you lead,” he instructed for the next one and we did as he told. By the time we got to the first chorus he was behind his drum kit playing it obviously feeling much better. It was his choice and his lead that got us to “A Bad Night”; as well as his choice to play it up the tempo. With that one he enjoyed himself like on any other regular jam.
It wasn’t any more about bad weekend, bad party or the girl he had feelings for falling for another guy. No, now it was all about him enjoying the perfect jamming session with his entire family and having fun doing it. The songs were rolling one after another, he chose them probably wishing to see if Ari will keep up with the rest of us or wondering which one would make her dance more and better. Suddenly I realized that we’re all focused on her, her singing, swaying of her hips, her arms floating through the air following the rhythm. We were laughing and every now and then we’d laugh so hard that one of us would stop playing or singing and just laugh watching her. I’m pretty sure Ari understood it all as her doing everything in amazing way for it only inspired her to work it harder. Little attention craver. Diva in small package.
We were so wrapped in our little musical show and our little dancer, swirling in the centre of the room, that we didn’t hear Kat knocking on the door. When her head and her trade mark Cheshire grin gracing her face appeared through the crack of the door Kai just waved at her to come and join us. Ari got her enchanted and occupied as well. And of course higly entertained. That was until long time later Ari ran out of juice and just stopped in her tracks.
“Ari sleep,” she said looking with her gray eyes at Sweetie holding her hands clasped leaning her cheek on them. She reached out her hand to her mother, a sign she wants to be taken to her bed so Sweetie picked her up in her arms.
“Oh, my beautiful little dancer is tired,” Sweetie said as she showered her with kisses till Ari put her head on her mother’s shoulder.
“Our little ballerina,” I commented looking at my daughter’s sleepy head. “See you later, love,” I blew her a kiss and she tried to return it but failed in exhaustion.
“Sleep well, Ri,” Kai waved at her with Kat before she was out of the room. “Well, no more playing here for the next two hours,” Kai concluded as he was leaving his drumsticks.
“Luckily, there’s always a soundproof basement,” I eagerly reminded him but he shook his head walking over to his bed. I’d lie if I’d say part of me really missed family moments like this so sure I frowned but only when Kai couldn’t see me.
“I think I could use a little nap, too,” he said sprouting himself in the middle of it as I put the guitar back to where it belong parting with her till the next occasion.
Kat was already half-way out of the room when I saluted my son and thanked him for the great session.
“Thank you,” he pointed out with eyes that told me he’s not grateful for me just playing with him. “And say thanks to mom.”
“Will do,” I grinned in manner that told him I understood what he wanted to say and just to make sure it is so I leaned and hugged him one more time before I left him alone and closed the door behind me.
“Gee, this is so awesome, dude,” Kat said when I joined her downstairs in the living room. “You can easily start your own band, the four of you.”
“Yeah,” I sighed as I let myself fall on the sofa.
“You could kick ass the Jackson’s family,” Kat joked.
“That’s really not all that hard,” I returned chuckling. “Sweetie can take them down single handedly but don’t tell her that for she hates all the Jacksons, except Michael. And she even doesn’t like him much outside the Thriller, Billy Jean, Dirty Diana, Liberian girl era. She’d take it as an insult.”
“That’s just four songs,” Kat chuckled.
“She thinks that all that’s worth her attention,” I shrugged then my mind went different way. “Have you seen Ari’s dance?” I giggled grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“Yeah,” Kat laughed. “Oh my god, she’s such cute baby. Where did she get all those moves from?”
“I guess they are kind of attempt to dance like Sweetie, but for now she just looks hilarious.”
“Would you like her to become a dancer? She has a good feeling for rhythm, for sure.”
“Whatever she wants that makes her happy I’m fine,” I simply replied then mused myself with flashes of Ari’s future performances at school recitals, her first, her second, then in my mind she was all grown up, a girl, and performing a lead role in the theatre with Sweetie and me sitting in the first row enjoying her flawless performance proud of such beautiful daughter.
“Gosh I wish, I was a kid and that you and Sweetie had adopted me,” Kat dreamily spoke. “Imagine school,” she nudged me with her elbow giggling. “My dad has a porshe and my mom’s friends with Julia Robert’s PA”, she imitated one of those regular nasty American popular spoiled girls. “Yeah? Well my dad plays in HIM and my mom’s the world’s best selling author. Beat that you dipshit, ha!” she was very amazed with her own fantasy.
“I don’t think that would help you a lot,” I pointed out but I giggled. “For them the finest literature is Cosmopoliten magazine and music is Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.”
“True but still, hot dad in cool band and smoking hot momma coming to pick me up from school, take me on tour or to some gig would be enough of a bonus and satisfaction,” she pointed out.
“If it counts anything to you, you are like kid to us,” I teased. “Just one really overgrown kid.”
She grinned heartedly.
“Like a reminder of what not to do with these two little ones,” I added after a little pause ending it with a chuckle which earned me another elbow nudge landing on my ribs. Only this time it was harder.
“Ok, kids break it,” Sweetie instructed as she walked in the room and sat next to me.
“Kai said thanks,” I locked my eyes with hers. She got the message and gently smiled a little then lightly shook her head as her eyes filled with some great pride.
“Did something happen?” Kat carefully asked noticing there’s been some silent exchange between my girl and me.
“Our little son is suffering from unrequited love,” Sweetie explained in short leaning her pretty little head on her palm.
“Awww,” Kat whined. “So you guys were making him feel better?” she softly smiled at us and we nodded. “Oh, that’s so cool. Aww, poor little kid,” she whined again pouting her lips.
“He’ll be fine,” Sweetie assured Kat. “It’s just the first time.”
“Yeah, it’s not that serious,” Kat mused.
“Don’t underestimate his feelings just because he’s a child,” my eyes turned to Kat. “If it’s something I can guarantee for in this family it’s that we always love strong and suffer hard for it.”
“Well, that’s certainly how it seems to us in given moment,” Sweetie added. “Plus, if he’s more mature about everything else in his life it would be wrong to think he’s otherwise about this. But we’ll see. He knows he’s not alone. For the start.”
I nodded smiling to myself, thinking how our first reaction was much better than we thought it would be. We went there just wishing to remind him we’re there, hoping maybe he’ll talk some but it ended with him and us feeling full of hope, absolutely sure that the world hasn’t come to its end. It’s might be hard for him but he surely is aware it’s not tragic by any means.