THING'S I'VE LEARNED FROM HORROR MOVIES
I was sent this by my friend Nithia. Only I added a few things which are hilighted in blue.
01. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
This is a very good tip. I also want to add... never assume they are dead either. Pick up the nearest weapon and shot it/ smash/slash it into the thing's HEAD until it is a bloody/slimy pulp. And when I say "grab the nearest weapon" that does not include the one that is in the monster/killer's limp hand. Are you crazy?
02. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house -- move away immediately.
Yeah, next time you go house shopping be sure to ask the realtor a list of questions like this. Example: "Has anyone commited homocide/suicide/satanic rituals/sacrifices in this house previously?" or "Is this house built, perchance, on a Native American Indian burial ground, or any burial ground for that matter?"
03. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Not even if it is on a bereavement card! Or a fortune cookie. Or on a bathroom wall. Ah fuck it, NEVER EVER read anything out loud unless you know what it fucking says.
04. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
Make sure you have candles and flashlights in every room though so you don't have to sit in the dark. Because don't forget about the shadow monsters!
05. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
Don't forget, children are fast and will also try to trick you into thinking they are your darling angels once again. I say, shoot them anyway. Children make scary monsters.
06. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
Unless you don't like someone, then send them off by themself... just be prepared for them to come after you later on and try to kill you as some zombie/demonic force.
07. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Even if you are mentally retarded or autistic.
08. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other place of the dead.
Being a grave robber is definitely a bad career choice.
09. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
Oh, shit. Never have there been truer words written.
10. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
And don't allow yourself to believe that claptrap about "planes flying overhead interfering with the electronics". I live near Tinker AFB and MY appliances don't do that nonsense!
11. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
I'll say it again... being a graverobber is a hazardous carreer choice.
12. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
Also, if you've just waken from a coma, and start walking around the hospital seeing blood all over the floors and walls with not a living soul in sight, then proceed to go outside and see cars abandoned and crashed... everything in chaos... please, DO NOT YELL AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS, "HELLO!! IS ANYBODY THERE!!!???" You are a dumbass and deserve to die and you will just get anyone else killed that you encounter along the way.
13. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
And if you encounter a doctor that resembles Jeffrey Combs in any way, shape, or form DO NOT TRUST HIM if you value your life as it is!
14. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
I'd like to add, for the ladies: If you are wearing high heels and keep running in them, you are the dumbest, most worthless female ever - and I would leave your ass behind in a millisecond. However I will say this - use those heels to stab your pursuer in the eyeball when he/she/it gets close enough - and it WILL get close enough if you insist on running in those heels.
15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
But play it cool. "Hey, dood, you want a beer? I think I saw some in the cooler outside. BRB." [Then run like all hellfire]. And don't hide where your friend expects you to hide, fool.
16. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
Also if it is not listed on the map, DO NOT GO THERE! What're ya - crazy?! It is clearly some alternate reality hell town. And if some gas station attendant tells you "Don't stop between those two trees" you best listen to the man!!
17. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
I think the best thing to do in this situation if you don't have a mobile phone, would be to either stay in your car with the doors locked until morning, or go to the side of the street and climb up the closest tree and hide in the branches to where you can't be seen but can see everything that's going on around you. Now, if you start hearing whispers or noises coming from the woods.... I'm sorry but the outcome doesn't look good for you, dood.
18. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
And if the person looks fucked-up [scars, open sores, or mutated features] then they usually are fucked up.
19. If you're being chased and you get into a car to escape, you can expect the car to stall and not start immediately. In fact, you will probably have better luck of escaping if you just keep running, unless of course if you trip and fall (see #14).
This is why it is good to have skills in hot-wiring a car, or fixing a car. I wish I had any interest whatever in learning mechanical skills.
taken from: http://www.commonplacebook.com/culture/movies/movie_lists/