Whilst Generally Feeling that Everything is Right with the World...
Author Note: Semi-follow on from what I wrote before, but since I forget what I called it already, and don't have a link to hand, let's just say that John missed a date with Sarah, and leave it at that!
I am on a roll today!
BBC Sherlock
Type: Friendship and Humour
Characters: John and Sherlock, mainly. With Sarah added in for effect over the phone.
Rating and warnings: I don't understand the rating system, but this is me, so expect some language! Also, will be unbeta'd because I have no one to do it for me. I do have a spell check, but that doesn't always stop the typos!
Disclaimer: Oh, and of course Sherlock isn't mine. It's the BBC's. And Mr Moffat's. But I'm allowed to adapt it, right?
Sherlock was in the kitchen, feeling thoroughly happier than he had for a few days, as he and John had spent last night... well, being friends, he supposed. They got pizza and watched Top Gear and Mock the Week on Dave, and for once he didn't find it mind-numbingly dull. They had gotten drunk, John from his collection of beer in the fridge, and Sherlock from the bottles of wine which he had stashed away somewhere and only just remembered about when John had offered him a can, which had made him feel sick just smelling it. John had called him a 'pansy' when he had almost retched at the smell, and when he'd gotten the wine bottles 'delicate princess'. Sherlock called John an 'oik' and left it at that, both of them finding it much funnier than it actually was. They had at one point danced around the living room to some God-awful dance music on Radio 1 until they were worn out and collapsed on to the furniture. They then watched a DVD at about 3 in the morning, which was admittedly Scooby Doo and made primarily for an audience of children. But there is literally nothing better than watching Scooby Doo drunk. And Sherlock liked Scooby Doo, which was completely out of character for him as John had pointed out when he produced the DVD, and no matter how many times he had watched it before (mainly when he was in one of his darker moods) it was a hell of a lot better while drunk. And it was also nice to watch it with someone else. Especially an initially skeptical adult male, who ended up giggling whenever Scooby came on screen.
It was only after the film had finished that they heard John's phone vibrating from under his chair. John had gotten worried by the sound at first, and it took almost 4 minutes for Sherlock to regain enough composure to tell him that it was a phone vibrating and not some kind of dangerous device that had been stashed under his chair. To this John responded with only one word - "Shit!" - and dived for the phone, almost crying when he saw all of 9 missed calls, and a series of texts which in their early stages were full of concern, and in the end were very, very abusive. Sherlock had tried to console John, and told him that he didn't need a date, because they had just spent the night having fun, and wasn't that what he had said a date was? John had sworn at him at that point, saying that wasn't the point at all, and Sherlock had gone in the huff and gone to bed, leaving John alone on the armchair.
Apparently he must have also text Sarah in his drunken state, which had woken her up, because she would have, of course, left her phone on loud incase something bad had happened to him, as she was worried thinking he was in the bottom of a canal or something, rather than sitting in the flat, drunk, watching a child's film with his flatmate. Sherlock could only hear parts of the conversation, the odd phrase washing over him as John attempted to worm his way out of the situation, but he could put it all together. He almost laughed out loud when he heard the words "personal crisis" and then had to go on to explain how said crisis ended in him so drunk he couldn't text coherently and had no concept of time. Sherlock wondered how long it would take for him to get the blame, and just as the thought popped into his head, he heard something that sounded suspiciously like, "well not exactly his fault, no. He does have a genuine condition, you know. He is honestly a sociopath..." Sherlock laughed at this, and then stopped deliberately listening to John's awkward conversation, and started to busy himself with the microwave.
He turned the dial to four minutes, and watched the plate spinning round inside, cataloguing every change which occurred to the contents. John hadn't spoken in a while, and Sherlock suspected that Sarah was having a real go at him. He was using John's distraction to his advantage, of course. Normally as soon as the microwave was switched on...
"Sherlock?" John's voice was suspicious, and he had probably just cut across Sarah's rant, which would more than likely cause her to have even more of a go at him, and therefore put him in an even worse mood than he was in already. "What are you doing?"
Damn it. I'm exposing an eyeball on a plate to the radiation emitted by a microwave to examine whether or not the eyeball shrivels before it explodes, and, less scientifically, but more to the point, how impressive said explosion will be if that happens.
"Nothing."
He hears John getting up, and knows that he's about to be discovered. That John will try and make him feel guilty, and, most importantly, that he will miss the exact moment where the eyeball explodes because John will insist on distracting him by telling him why a microwave should not, under any circumstances, be used to heat up anything that won't be eaten. Or that will have to be cleaned from the inside of the microwave. And then that will lead on to how Sherlock never cleans it up for himself, and that John is stuck with the mess. And... Oh, the eyeball is starting to bubble!
"No, Sarah, I'm not distracted by him again. I'm listening to everything you say, I just don't trust the fact that he is in the kitchen, with the microwave on. It's never a good sign, trust me. Yes, I know he isn't a child, but you don't have to live with him!"
Sherlock smiled at the side of the conversation he could hear. John must have sat back down. Saved by the Sarah. Maybe she does have some uses. Mainly to stop John from disrupting his experiments by making him stop. Or at least attempting to make him stop. Which usually ends in the microwave plug being pulled out, destroying the controlled conditions completely, and rendering simply plugging it back in to the socket and continuing pointless. He hated it when John did that. Sherlock watched the plate go round, and round, as John floundered his way through a 'I-don't-pay-more-attention-to-my-flatmate-than-you' speech, and once again, laughs out loud when he hears, "No! I am not gay! Why would I be with you if I was gay?" A pause. "Well yes, but that was different. It was a crisis." Another pause, "No we did not! If you think that then you might as well..."
There was a loud bang as the eyeball in the microwave finally just gave up and exploded, causing rather a lot of mess and a fair bit of smoke. And a rather large amount of glee from Sherlock, who was standing up straight now, rubbing his hands together and laughing, grinning madly.
"Sherlock! What the hell!?" John said, getting up, and rushing into the kitchen with the phone still attached to his ear. Sherlock saw John look from his overly-amused expression, to the mess in the microwave and the smoke, and tried not to chuckle as John's own expression went from shocked, to angry, to pure downright exasperation. Sherlock was still practically dancing round the kitchen, and John did nothing to dampen this, which he knew as he stood in the doorway with his mouth open, just staring. John also seemed to have forgotten about his phone, and was seemingly oblivious to Sarah now yelling down it. Her tinny little voice saying things like "Might as well what, John?" and "Fine, go and be preoccupied with Sherlock then. See if I care!"
John hung up on her without lifting the phone back up to his ear, too hungover and worn out by Sherlock's general madness to care anymore. He was thinking something along the lines of 'Why bother to even try for normality when this is what you flatshare with?'. Sherlock's brain was going at about a thousand miles an hour, and he was still completely overexcited by the whole I-just-blew-up-an-eyeball! thing, running his hands through his hair and making it stick up, while muttering to himself and smiling; which effectively proved John's point completely. John looked at the mess again, and said, "If you think I'm cleaning that up, you're wrong."
Sherlock laughed, his face still completely lit up, knowing that John was wrong, and knowing that John knew that he was was wrong. He opened the microwave, letting out one of the most hideous smells that you could possibly imagine, one which made John gag, but Sherlock merely to cock his head and say, "Hmm, interesting." before closing the door again, realising that the full four minutes weren't up. The mush inside bubbled again, and Sherlock went back to watching it, still grinning like a madman, as he created an even sticker mess which would be even more difficult to clean up.
John sighed, and said, "You're disgusting." before returning to his chair, the smell thankfully not reaching there yet. The microwave pinged. Sherlock grinned, walking over to the window to push it open, whilst generally feeling like everything was right with the world.