God Protect Me From My Friends
You know the scary thing about bicycling in Zurich? The really scary, unnerving thing? No, it's not the cars, and it's not even the tram-tracks.
It's the other damn bicyclists.
I'm sure that at this point, plenty of my car-driving friends will chip in with their ire about two-wheeled pests and their awful, anarchic and quite often openly reckless behaviour. Bring it on. I too had a wild, anarchic and often reckless youth, so it's not like I have anything to deny.
It's not that Zurich cyclists are especially awful by objective standards. It's more a problem of relative degree. In London, say, where the streets are nothing but a huge sick Darwinian experiment, cyclists can excuse at least half of their horrible behaviour on the grounds of simple survival. In Zurich, that tactic just doesn't wash, since-for the most part!-Zurich car drivers are actually quite tolerably patient and accommodating.
So far in Zurich I have had many cases where car drivers have anticipated my needs (braking to let me manoeuvre around badly-parked cars, letting me cross traffic lanes, slowing down until it's safe to overtake me). I've had very few instances of people doing anything stupid or dangerous. In short, as a rule, there's very little need for bicycle-riders to be rude, dangerous or obstructive in order to get around in Zurich.
Yet of course they are. Bloody hell, are they. Red lights?-they laugh in the face of red lights. Undertaking and overtaking are for amateurs; these kamikazes seem bent on whole new ways of car-taking-orthotaking, perhaps, or prætertaking. And let's not get started on the wild looping zigzagging paths they take through junctions.
It must be said that the road-building people don't help matters. The bicycle paths in central Zurich are a nightmarish, disorienting hodgepodge of kinked yellow arrows painted on the ground, often directing the unwary cyclist headlong into knots of pedestrians, other cyclists, or terrifying maelstroms of traffic where the only sane course of action is to close your eyes tightly, lift both feet out to the sides, and pray at the top of your voice in Hindi. More often than not, the bicycle markings guide one admirably through down the safe and boring bits of road, only to peter out in bewildering vagueness exactly where they're most needed, where the traffic gets complicated and dangerous. The sane cyclist learns to treat them at best with suspicion and at worst with outright contempt, an attitude which is not conducive to responsible and compliant roadcraft.
I've tried to be a good and compliant cyclist. In fact, in roleplaying terms, I've had a good ol' college try at being a Lawful Good cyclist, both considerate of others and scrupulously observant of the rules of the road. It just doesn't work. Not only is it depressing to see all the rogue cyclists zipping past me, but a lot of the time it's actually more dangerous-partly because the sight of a well-behaved cyclist appears to actually confuse other road users, but also not least because of those bloody road markings.
So today I finally gave up, and I hopped up onto the pavement and started bicycling down it. Then I used the pedestrian route to circumvent a red light, pedalled through a "no traffic through here" sign, and went merrily upon my way. And bloody hell, was it a relief. I guess that makes me Chaotic Good.
On the other hand, I didn't commit any gross traffic infractions, I didn't disturb or endanger any pedestrians, I didn't alarm or inconvenience any other road users, and (not least) I actually reduced the risk to myself. Apart from the minor issues of road law, I call that a win, which means that the rules of the road are basically inimical to cyclists and deserve to be treated with a certain amount of contempt. Stuff 'em.
It's the other damn bicyclists.
I'm sure that at this point, plenty of my car-driving friends will chip in with their ire about two-wheeled pests and their awful, anarchic and quite often openly reckless behaviour. Bring it on. I too had a wild, anarchic and often reckless youth, so it's not like I have anything to deny.
It's not that Zurich cyclists are especially awful by objective standards. It's more a problem of relative degree. In London, say, where the streets are nothing but a huge sick Darwinian experiment, cyclists can excuse at least half of their horrible behaviour on the grounds of simple survival. In Zurich, that tactic just doesn't wash, since-for the most part!-Zurich car drivers are actually quite tolerably patient and accommodating.
So far in Zurich I have had many cases where car drivers have anticipated my needs (braking to let me manoeuvre around badly-parked cars, letting me cross traffic lanes, slowing down until it's safe to overtake me). I've had very few instances of people doing anything stupid or dangerous. In short, as a rule, there's very little need for bicycle-riders to be rude, dangerous or obstructive in order to get around in Zurich.
Yet of course they are. Bloody hell, are they. Red lights?-they laugh in the face of red lights. Undertaking and overtaking are for amateurs; these kamikazes seem bent on whole new ways of car-taking-orthotaking, perhaps, or prætertaking. And let's not get started on the wild looping zigzagging paths they take through junctions.
It must be said that the road-building people don't help matters. The bicycle paths in central Zurich are a nightmarish, disorienting hodgepodge of kinked yellow arrows painted on the ground, often directing the unwary cyclist headlong into knots of pedestrians, other cyclists, or terrifying maelstroms of traffic where the only sane course of action is to close your eyes tightly, lift both feet out to the sides, and pray at the top of your voice in Hindi. More often than not, the bicycle markings guide one admirably through down the safe and boring bits of road, only to peter out in bewildering vagueness exactly where they're most needed, where the traffic gets complicated and dangerous. The sane cyclist learns to treat them at best with suspicion and at worst with outright contempt, an attitude which is not conducive to responsible and compliant roadcraft.
I've tried to be a good and compliant cyclist. In fact, in roleplaying terms, I've had a good ol' college try at being a Lawful Good cyclist, both considerate of others and scrupulously observant of the rules of the road. It just doesn't work. Not only is it depressing to see all the rogue cyclists zipping past me, but a lot of the time it's actually more dangerous-partly because the sight of a well-behaved cyclist appears to actually confuse other road users, but also not least because of those bloody road markings.
So today I finally gave up, and I hopped up onto the pavement and started bicycling down it. Then I used the pedestrian route to circumvent a red light, pedalled through a "no traffic through here" sign, and went merrily upon my way. And bloody hell, was it a relief. I guess that makes me Chaotic Good.
On the other hand, I didn't commit any gross traffic infractions, I didn't disturb or endanger any pedestrians, I didn't alarm or inconvenience any other road users, and (not least) I actually reduced the risk to myself. Apart from the minor issues of road law, I call that a win, which means that the rules of the road are basically inimical to cyclists and deserve to be treated with a certain amount of contempt. Stuff 'em.