I did it...
I finally did it. Although probably not in the best of situations but hey, I told people that I am bisexual.
So, New Years Eve, a group of us had been drinking since 6, we head over to another friends and drink more, then when we are walking to the pub I for some reason believe it would be a good idea to tell my best friend that I am bisexual, burst into tears and try to explain myself.
All I can remember is everyone saying how they had no idea and why couldn't I have told them already! I explained about wanting nothing to change, like staying in beds together and things. My best friend then said the best thing ever. I don't care who you like but you are welcome to sleep in my bed whenever, you get that? Everyone was just being super nice and sweet. So I cried more, as you do :P
Other interesting conversations from last night include, my best friend saying she was unsure for a long while as she hadn't been with anyone before, like not even kissed, so she wasn;t sure if she was straight, she has now and told me that she has figured out she is straight now. Another interesting thing was another friend partly coming out too, saying how she has kissed girls and fell in love with her best friend when they were like 12/13, she then cried too. Then weirdly we had like a moment where she was telling me I was really sweet and that I shouldn't care what people think and that I'm so lovely. You know one of those moments where it just takes a shift forward from you both and you would kiss, I decided to break the moment as she was upset, me too, and plus, I'd already had a massively important night to me without having to complicate it further by kissing her.
Then the inquisiton started, about who I liked and things like that. I honestly can not remember what I replied. Then an obvious lesbian came over and asked me for a lighter, which I didn't have and after my friends were like, so you'd like her, I was like noooo I didn't like her at all. I don't like everybody just because I'm bi!
When I uttered the words at first I had never been so scared in my life. Like physically shaking and having to psyche myself up to murmer them. Boy am I glad I have though. I know 5 people is only a drop in the ocean of how many people that are in your life but hey it is a start.
Thinking about it I have moments of regret and then a surge of relief wipes over me as I texted them all today saying thank you so much for your reaction and things. They all seem fine with it, more disappointed that I felt I couldn't talk to them about it.
Well I just rambled for a long time, but this is truly important to me and I am ridicukously relieved, happy and feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No longer having close off a part of me to others.