(no subject)
The biggest journey of my life started with an empty apartment. I remember it very clearly - we came to Canada, and when we moved into our new apartment and I stood there, looking at the empty, unfriendly rooms in this still seemingly unfriendly country, I wondered how I could ever get used to it. The second biggest journey of my life had also began with an empty apartment - in that same building. I stood, facing the empty, now unfriendly rooms and wondered how I could ever leave it. This was home - the only home I have known for the last 6, most important, years of my life.
With it, I left behind everything I've ever known. My mom had boarded the plain and left with my dog for California, and it didn't take long to dawn on me that that was it - I was all alone, with no one to take care, support, and baby me anymore. I had no family and no home, and almost no friends, if you look at it the way I do.
I said goodbye to the neighborhood. I think it made it easier for me to leave it all behind when I realized I had nothing to leave behind but memories. My high school years have completely changed my life and turned me into the person I was today, but most of the teachers and people that I had treasured within it had also left. In hardly a year all this school will mean to me is walls that have seen me grow there, but wall have no hearts, do they?
As much as it pains me to say it, I've left no friends behind, either. Well, I have left them behind, but just not in a literal meaning of the word. Systematically, all the friends that I had made in high school and in the neighborhood had walked out of my life. Some, because they couldn't catch up to me - I was forced to grow up very quickly and they had chosen to stay children for some time yet, and that's where out roads had become parallel, the life of mommy taking care of me, no financial or any other worries is now barred to me. Others had left simply because they thought they were too important and cool to hang out with me anymore.
I guess life had played a cruel, but at the same time very sparing trick on me. It is easier to move on when you've got everything ahead of you and nothing behind you. And, for all my fears and worries and bitterness, I now realize I'm ready. Perhaps I'm out on my own younger than is usual - 19 still - but it's more exciting than scary. My mom is the only family I have left, and it's high time that she stopped pulling my weight - I future will be brighter if I learn how to stand on my own feet - financially and otherwise - now, and I don't have a choice to speak of. She will not be supporting me at all. I don't blame her. She's off where she had always wanted to be with her fiace and her friends - she's deserved it all - she did, after all, dedicate the last 19 years of her life to raising me as best she could. I think she's done a good enough job.
Well, I can't wait until September. I'm moving into a single-room residence, just like I've always wanted, and beginning the new phase of my life with a clean slate. Sometimes, it's still hard for me, and it pains and scares me to tears, but I'll make it. When have I ever failed to do so? "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." It's time for me to get going. No looking back now. They say the home is where the heart is. I suppose then that for as long as I believe it's so, I have a home anywhere I may end up starting with this small step.
With it, I left behind everything I've ever known. My mom had boarded the plain and left with my dog for California, and it didn't take long to dawn on me that that was it - I was all alone, with no one to take care, support, and baby me anymore. I had no family and no home, and almost no friends, if you look at it the way I do.
I said goodbye to the neighborhood. I think it made it easier for me to leave it all behind when I realized I had nothing to leave behind but memories. My high school years have completely changed my life and turned me into the person I was today, but most of the teachers and people that I had treasured within it had also left. In hardly a year all this school will mean to me is walls that have seen me grow there, but wall have no hearts, do they?
As much as it pains me to say it, I've left no friends behind, either. Well, I have left them behind, but just not in a literal meaning of the word. Systematically, all the friends that I had made in high school and in the neighborhood had walked out of my life. Some, because they couldn't catch up to me - I was forced to grow up very quickly and they had chosen to stay children for some time yet, and that's where out roads had become parallel, the life of mommy taking care of me, no financial or any other worries is now barred to me. Others had left simply because they thought they were too important and cool to hang out with me anymore.
I guess life had played a cruel, but at the same time very sparing trick on me. It is easier to move on when you've got everything ahead of you and nothing behind you. And, for all my fears and worries and bitterness, I now realize I'm ready. Perhaps I'm out on my own younger than is usual - 19 still - but it's more exciting than scary. My mom is the only family I have left, and it's high time that she stopped pulling my weight - I future will be brighter if I learn how to stand on my own feet - financially and otherwise - now, and I don't have a choice to speak of. She will not be supporting me at all. I don't blame her. She's off where she had always wanted to be with her fiace and her friends - she's deserved it all - she did, after all, dedicate the last 19 years of her life to raising me as best she could. I think she's done a good enough job.
Well, I can't wait until September. I'm moving into a single-room residence, just like I've always wanted, and beginning the new phase of my life with a clean slate. Sometimes, it's still hard for me, and it pains and scares me to tears, but I'll make it. When have I ever failed to do so? "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." It's time for me to get going. No looking back now. They say the home is where the heart is. I suppose then that for as long as I believe it's so, I have a home anywhere I may end up starting with this small step.