just cause you feel it doesnt mean its there
Things seem to be looking up. i havent purged in 3 days....its been hard, i got kind of addicted to it. i feel much healthier though....and much more sane. i feel like im in control of everything when i do it....but in reality, i am far too out of control. i told JJ, and he got angry with me....but he didnt yell. after we both drank a little bit on saturday night, i told him the whole story, about how its something that i seek solace in,when in reality it is a huge discomfort. he started the new job this week....and seems to be a lot happier. i think im going to start writing songs again.....i think there is enough upheaval in my life right now to start writing again. not that im in pain....but sometimes it does hurt to get up in the morning. i got a B on my first test...the one i studied 10 hours for, i am quite proud of myself. hopefully the grades just go up from here. i have 2 tests tomorrow.....neither of which i have studied for yet.....but i just am not in the mood. i would rather read my copy of vogue, and listen to radiohead right now. i am completely craving tacos too. perhaps i will break down and get some taco bell in a little bit. anyways.....i better go and study against my will. things will be better....im sure.