Rehearsals, Part Four
…Evans, a seasoned performer in East High’s productions, is disappointing as Juliet, playing the heroine shrilly and without empathy. She seems to lack any chemistry with her onstage lover, not even looking at him as she declaims her dramatic speeches. For his part, Bolton seems deeply uncomfortable in the leading role of Romeo, giving the impression during the most intimate scenes that he would rather be anywhere else…
…The whole show is saved from drudgery by the brilliant and original musical numbers, penned by senior Kelsi Nielson, who based the lyrics for most of the songs around Shakespeare’s original text. The songs are brought to life by the extremely professional and high-quality dances, choreographed by Ryan Evans and performed with enthusiasm and skill…
…One of the standout stars of the performance is newcomer Chad Danforth in the role of Mercutio, to which he brings a playful flair. Playing opposite Evans’ Tybalt, the pair have an intense, believable chemistry. The tension between them whenever they are onstage together is compelling, and their final duel/dance, in which Tybalt kills Mercutio, is the most emotionally resonant moment of the performance, far outshining Sharpay Evans or Troy Bolton’s hamfisted deaths…
~
Monday morning, Chad gets two steps inside the front doors of the school and is nearly knocked off his feet by Ryan. Troy and Jason step back in alarm, and Chad has to admit they have a point - Ryan is dishevelled and wild-eyed, looking hunted. “Hide,” he says urgently. “You have to hide.”
“Wha - why?” Chad just blinks at him - woah, Ryan is very close.
“Sharpay,” say Ryan grimly, and grabs him by the arm, dragging him along.
“Oh, no,” says Troy. “She saw the review?” He quickens his steps, keeping pace with Chad.
“I think she’s going to kill him,” says Ryan, distressed.
“Why,” Chad wonders, “would she want to kill me? I didn’t do anything!”
“There was a review of the show over the weekend. In the paper,” Ryan explains.
“Slow news week,” says Troy. He strides ahead and pokes his head around a corner to check it’s clear.
“And the reviewer was very truthful about Sharpay’s performance,” Ryan says, peering through a classroom window. “It was kind of harsh, actually. But she was also pretty honest about your part in the show.”
“Sharpay wants me dead because I was mediocre and dragged her down?” Chad guesses, hopelessly lost.
Troy and Ryan both stare at him. “No,” says Troy slowly. “Because you were really good. Because - listen to this bit, Chad - you were better than her. You stole her spotlight.”
“I didn’t mean to,” says Chad helplessly. “I was just trying to-” make Ryan proud, and he cannot say that.
“We know,” says Ryan. “That’s why we’re hiding you.”
But then they round a corner, and - because somebody up there hates Chad - run smack into Sharpay.
“You,” she snarls. Chad eyes her glittery, sharp nails warily and edges away. “You - you peon. You worthless, talentless ridiculous scene-stealing amateur! How dare you!”
Her voice hits a high, shrill note, and everyone winces. Chad tucks his hands in his pockets. “Should you be saying that to me?” he asks. “Or the mirror?”
There are gasps from the gathered audience - don’t these people have lives? - and people start to edge away as Sharpay turns purple.
Chad pastes on a smile and tunes out the rest of Sharpay’s tirade of wounded fury. He can feel Troy sidling behind him and Ryan kind of angling himself so he’s out of his sister’s view, and wonders when he became the anti-Sharpay. Maybe he should tell them he doesn’t actually have any sequin-repelling powers.
“Okay,” he says, when she stops for breath. “Thanks for your input, always appreciate feedback from a fan.”
Sharpay makes a muffled squeaking noise, apparently enraged beyond words. Chad smiles, the warning bell rings, and he turns on his heel, performs a little soft-shoe for the sake of the audience, and walks off.
Safely in the boy’s bathroom, he leans against the wall and laughs himself sick.
“Did you see her face?” says Ryan, clutching his stomach and looking pained. “The way she - her eyes - I thought she was going have a stroke!” He giggles uncertainly.
Troy snickers. “I’ve never seen that shade of red in nature,” he says, shoving his hair out of his face.
“We’re late for homeroom,” Chad points out, and they go.
~
There’s a math test later in the week, so he meets Taylor in the library at lunchtime. He sees Ryan sitting with Gabriella at a table not far away, also bent over textbooks, and vaguely remembers Ryan saying something about Gabriella tutoring him in English. He doesn’t realise he’s staring until Taylor waves a hand in front of his face. “Looking preoccupied, babe,” she says, ruffling his hair. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Ryan lately.”
He shrugs and looks at the graphs in his books, surprised to realise that he understands them. Taylor’s a good teacher. “Yeah. He’s, uh.”
Taylor smiles. “It must be good to have someone else around to talk to. Someone who knows what you’re going through.”
“Oh, yeah,” says Chad dryly. “He’s been a real comfort.” He doodles in the margin of his notebook.
Taylor takes him through another set of problems. “You seem happy, lately,” she says.
Chad looks at her, but there’s no censure in her tone, only warmth. He lets himself smile, a silly, shy smile. “Yeah.”
At the end of the lunch period, she gives him a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek, tells him to take care. It doesn’t feel like goodbye, more like good luck.
~
He catches Ryan after school in the parking lot. Although Ryan normally gets a ride to school with Sharpay, today he’s leaning against the bonnet of a classic silver Corvette, twirling the keys and smirking.
“Hey,” says Chad. “I wanted to talk to you.”
Ryan raises an eyebrow above his designer - Chad has no doubt that they are designer - sunglasses. “Oh?”
“Yeah,” says Chad nervously. “About. Uh. This thing.” He waves his hands between them.
The eyebrow inches further north. “You want to talk about us,” says Ryan doubtfully.
Chad shrugs. “Look. I was - confused. Really confused. At first. When we started doing this.” He sticks his hands in his pockets. “I wasn’t sure what was going on, and you were there, and you were such a good friend to me.” He stares at the ground. “You really helped me, you know? Helped me to figure things out. And I wanted to thank you for that.”
He looks up. Ryan’s face has gone distant and impassive. Chad’s stomach drops. “I’m not confused anymore,” he says softly.
Ryan looks away. “Okay,” he says. “Thanks for letting me know.”
“I want,” says Chad, bewildered by Ryan’s reaction.
“It’s fine,” says Ryan tightly. He gets in the car, slamming the door closed so hard that Chad flinches. “See you around, Danforth.”
He peels out of the parking lot at an alarming speed, leaving Chad standing next to the empty space, confused. Something just went horribly, horribly wrong, and he has no idea what.
~
He calls Ryan three times before he even gets home, but either Ryan’s phone is off or he really, really doesn’t want to talk. Chad stomps into his room without even saying hello to his mother, throws his phone on the desk, and seriously contemplates drowning himself in the bathtub.
He calls Troy instead. “I think I’ve made a horrible mistake,” he blurts out, before Troy has finished his greeting. “But I don’t actually know what I did.”
“O-kay.” Troy makes a thoughtful noise. “What happened?”
“I don’t know! Didn’t I just say that?”
“So, you’re sure you’ve done something wrong, but you don’t know what it is?”
“He just took off! We were talking, and I was trying to tell him about that thing we talked about on the weekend, and the he just shut down and drove away!”
“Ah.” Troy sounds as if he’s just figured something out. “You’ve done something to Ryan.”
“I didn’t do anything to Ryan!” says Chad, frustrated.
“But you just said you did.” Now Troy is really confused. “What is going on?”
Chad stares at the phone for a long moment. “Nothing, man. I’ll call you later.”
He hangs up the phone and falls face-first onto the bed.
~
He’s hoping to catch Ryan at school the next day, but is stopped when he sees the other boy. For the first time in a long time - perhaps since school started this year - Ryan is trailing behind Sharpay as she storms through the corridors. Chad stares at him for a long moment before he figures out what’s changed. Ryan has been spending the last few weeks in increasingly casual clothes - jeans, t-shirts, sneakers, baseball caps. Today he’s wearing a shirt buttoned up to his throat, pressed slacks, shiny shoes, and a bright pink newsboy cap. Worse: all of his clothes match Sharpay’s.
The worst part, though, is not the clothes or Ryan’s sudden truce with his sister. It’s that fact that Ryan, who hasn’t appeared to have any shame or embarrassment since junior high, who hasn’t ever backed down or failed to meet someone’s eyes, seems to have shrunk. He sidles along behind Sharpay with his shoulders tucked in and his head down, flinching away from contact.
Chad chases after him. “Ryan!” he calls, and sees Ryan stop, but not turn. He steps in front of Ryan and grabs his shoulders, forcing him to look up. “Can we talk? I think we should talk.”
Ryan pulls gently away. “It’s fine, Chad. You’re gonna be late for homeroom.”
“Can’t you at least tell me what’s wrong?” says Chad, despairing.
“Nothing’s wrong. Why would anything be wrong?” Ryan tosses this last question over his shoulder as he walks away.
Chad wonders if you can drown yourself in a water fountain.
~
During free period, he goes looking for Ryan again, hoping to actually have a conversation with him this time, and figure out what the hell is going on.
He heads for the auditorium, figuring it as likely a place as any to find his wayward friend, but instead stumbles across Troy and Kelsi. They’re sitting at the piano, heads close together, Troy’s hands covering Kelsi’s on the keys. Chad takes one look at the scene and turns to flee with dignity, but Troy calls out to stop him.
“Chad! Hey. Looking for Ryan?”
Chad turns back. “Yeah.” He waves. “Hey, Kels.”
Kelsi blushes. “Hi, Chad. Actually, I’m glad I caught you, I have something I wanted to show you.”
Chad sighs and jogs up onto the stage. Troy nudges him. “Did you sort things out with him yet?”
Chad shakes his head mutely. “Can’t even find him.”
Kelsi is rifling industriously through her bag. “I know I had it - here!” She triumphantly produces a sheaf of papers and thrusts them at Chad. “I wrote you a song.”
Chad looks down - yes, it’s definitely sheet music. He never learned to read music and so can’t make head or tails of it, but the notation at the top reads ‘Rehearsals’ in Kelsi’s neat script. “You wrote me a song,” he says, disbelieving.
Kelsi blushes. “You and Ryan. And it’s not finished, I still have to put it into my computer and make it, you know, readable, but.” She rubs the back of her neck. “You think it’s stupid.” She reaches out like she’s going to take it off him, but Chad pulls it away.
“I don’t think it’s stupid,” he says. “It’s just, Ryan’s not exactly talking to me right now. And I don’t know why, and he won’t even talk to me to explain.”
“Oh.” Kelsi deflates, looking glum.
Troy claps him on the back. “We’ll figure it out, man. Don’t worry.”
Chad allows himself to be briefly comforted by the empty but well-meaning sentiment. The doors of the auditorium slamming back and Gabriella storming in interrupt his moment of relief.
“Troy, have you seen - Chad.” She narrows her eyes, puts her hand on her hips, and then comes sweeping down the aisle and onto the stage like the wrath of God. “Chad Danforth, WHAT did you do to Ryan?”
“Nothing!” he squeaks, shrinking back against the piano leg and droppig the sheet music. An angry Gabriella is terrifying. Maybe he can hide behind Kelsi. “I just - he just stopped talking to me! I don’t even know what I said!”
She slams her hand on the piano, causing a slightly musical echo. “You’ve been using him! All this time he thought you actually cared, but you’ve just been using him to figure out if you were gay!”
“Not true!” Chad protests. “Also: what?” He hadn’t said that. He’s sure.
Gabriella glares. “He said that you said - never mind. You two need to talk about this. And I swear if he comes out hurting worse than he is I will end you, Danforth.”
She grabs him by the wrist and hauls him up. “I’d love to,” he tells her, “but every time I’ve tried talking to him, he blows me off. I don’t even know what I did. I never said any of that stuff, I know I didn’t.”
Gabriella frowns, but this time it’s her thinking-hard-frown instead of her scary-angry-frown. “Then why did he tell me you did?”
“I have no idea,” says Chad helplessly. “Also, why is he telling you this stuff at all?”
Gabriella shrugs. “He’s been telling me this stuff for a while. I think he likes having someone to talk to. He and Sharpay haven’t been getting on so great.”
Troy clears his throat. “Wait, you knew about this?”
Gabriella smiles suddenly. “Me and Taylor compare notes.” She looks thoughtful. “Ooh. We need Taylor’s scheming brain.”
“Wait, scheming?” Chad backs away, shaking his head. “I don’t want any scheming. I just want to talk to Ryan.”
“Well, he doesn’t want to talk to you,” says Gabriella firmly. “We need a plan.”
Kelsi tentatively raises a hand like she’s in class. “Could this help?” she asks, offering the pages of music.
Chad covers his eyes and groans. Nothing is ever simple.
~
It takes a little less than a week.
There’s a whole-school assembly on the following Monday and the schemers set this as the date for Chad’s big performance.
Chad suggests a campaign of writing letters to Ryan to make him see reason.
Kelsi prints out the music neatly and schedules times for him to come and practice, as well as making a backing tape so he can practice at home.
Chad points out that he could just stalk Ryan, sitting outside his bedroom window and begging him to listen.
Troy starts reaching out to the kids who inevitably end up organising the microphones, sound, lighting and other accoutrements for the big assemblies, which are too complicated for most of the teachers to comprehend. They’re going to have to be complicit in order for the plan to work.
In a fit of desperation, Chad suggests locking himself and Ryan in a room and letting them talk it out.
As a compromise, Gabriella and Taylor agree to sit on Ryan to make sure he stays in the auditorium and listens to Chad’s song.
Meanwhile, Ryan continues to be remarkably adept at avoiding Chad, switching seats in class so he doesn’t have to sit next to him, dodging away in the halls, sticking close to Sharpay. He keeps his phone turned off, doesn’t reply to Chad’s messages, rushes past him without looking when they happen to meet.
On Friday afternoon, Chad successfully corners him in the bathroom, only to have Sharpay come storming in to shove him roughly aside and drag Ryan away by his starched shirtfront.
The weekend passes in a blur. Chad thinks that if he has to hear the chorus of ‘Rehearsals’ one more time, he’s going to snap. His mother and sisters, predictably, think it’s sweet that he’s learning a song for Ryan, and even Nicole grudgingly wishes him luck. (“But if you guys ever break up he’s mine, okay?” “Sure, sweetie.”)
Monday dawns cloudy. Chad dresses himself with more than usual care, dread knotting in his stomach. If he screws this up he’s going to make a fool of himself, out himself to the entire school, and ensure that Ryan never speaks to him again.
He is so, so screwed.
~
Huddled by the stage door as the rest of the student body files into the auditorium, Chad contemplates his water bottle. Kelsi tells him it’s important to keep hydrated. Chad thinks about the mechanics of drowning yourself with a water bottle.
“I’d have to tip my head really far back,” he muses aloud, and shrinks back against the wall as a shiny, glittery student peels away from the rest of the students and stomps towards him.
No Ryan to warn him this time, and Chad considers running, but Sharpay is in his face with her sharp long nails before he can move.
She just stares at him for a long minute, her face set and angry. “You better,” she says stiffly. “You better not hurt him again, okay?”
“What?” Chad asks stupidly, and she rolls her eyes.
“He was happy, you know.” She’s not looking at him, glaring at the wall like it’s personally offended her. “You - he was happy. You were good for him. So just don’t hurt him again, or - or else.”
She pivots suddenly and stomps away, her high heels clacking dully against the linoleum.
Chad stares after her, a little afraid of how the entire world seems to be conspiring against him.
His water bottle, he decides, does not contain enough water to drown himself in.
~
There’s a strange sense of déjà vu, being behind the curtains in the auditorium, with Troy hanging onto his arm to stop him from running off to be sick.
“You’ll be fine,” Troy tells him firmly, fiddling with a wireless microphone. “Now, the interpretive dance guys are supposed to be on after Principal Matsui hands out the Community Award thingies, so you’re going on then. The stage will be clear, and Taylor talked to the girls and they don’t mind you stealing the spotlight for a little while.”
“Uh-huh,” says Chad, staring at the microphone like it’s a snake.
“So, you go on, and Kelsi will come from the opposite direction. They’re gonna cut all the other mikes except yours so you won’t be interrupted. Go on and do your thing.”
Chad shakes his head mutely. This is a thousand times worse than his moment of stage fright before the musical, because there’s no Ryan here to tell him he’ll be fine, that he knows this, that’s it’s going to be great.
“Yes,” says Troy. “You’ve come this far. It’s going to be fine.” He touches Chad’s shoulder. “Really.”
“Yeah,” says Chad, not really hearing him.
There’s polite applause from the audience, and from his place in the wings, Chad can see Principal Matsui walking off stage. Troy puts the microphone into his hand, straightens his collar, and shoves him out on stage.
The lights are very bright. He remembers this from the musical - face the audience, chin up, eyes on the back of the room. He can’t see much of the audience beyond vague, shadowy shapes at the periphery of his vision, blinded out by the spotlights in his eyes.
To his right, Kelsi clears her throat, nods, and begins to play. Chad raises the microphone with a shaking hand, opens his mouth and starts to sing.
When he plays basketball, part of his brain switches itself off. It comes from a place deep inside him that knows this movement so well that he doesn’t need the interference of his higher functions. Dancing with Ryan he had found a similar groove, learning the steps until they were second nature, until he didn’t need to think to do it, until he could just sit back and let his body do what it needed to.
He doesn’t have that luxury now. A week is not enough time for him to comfortable with this song, not enough time for him to learn it by heart, to know the feel of the mike and rhythm of the music. He has to think incredibly hard about the words and tune, too hard, and he knows his voice is shaking with nerves.
As his eyes adjust to the light, he can see the audience some. About halfway back, he spots Ryan trying to climb over Taylor to get out. She’s hitting him with her bookbag while Gabriella hangs onto his belt and Sharpay kicks his feet out from under him. Chad feels himself start to sweat.
He finishes the chorus with a sense of relief and swings into the second verse, feeling stronger already. He does know this song, and more than that, he means it. As it wasn’t finished, Kelsi had shyly consulted him about some of the lyrics, so these are his words, his emotions. He knows this.
The second chorus leads straight into the bridge, and Chad finds himself stepping forward, to the edge of the stage and staring appealingly out into the crowd, straight at Ryan, who sits back in his seat, defeated.
He closes his eyes for most of the final chorus. The lights are making them sting and he doesn’t think he can watch Ryan keep trying to get away.
As the music fades, there’s thunderous roar of approval. Chad’s eyes snap open in surprise - he’d been so focussed on Ryan, he’d almost forgotten the several hundred other people listening to him. Apparently he wasn’t bad.
The spotlight swings away, leaving him blinking at the sudden dimness. Principal Matsui is storming across the stage, looking thunderous at having his assembly disrupted, but Chad has realised that he can’t see Ryan, that he isn’t where he was. Gabriella and Taylor are standing on their seats, waving and pointing to the back of the auditorium, where he can just see Ryan disappearing out the doors. Running away.
“Young man,” says Principal Matsui, “never in all my years,” and there’s going to be more, and Chad is in so much trouble, but he really doesn’t have time.
“Sorry, sir,” he says, shoves the microphone at the astonished principal, and jumps off the edge of stage. “Punish me later!” he yells, and takes off after Ryan to the sound of applause and wolf whistling.
~
It’s starting to rain as he bangs outside, the door slamming hard into the wall. Ryan is already halfway across the lawn, and Chad chases after him with big fat raindrops splatting down around him. The school grounds are eerily quiet and deserted, the rumble of thunder and soft murmur of the rain the only sounds.
“Ryan!” he yells. Ryan stops, looking tired and small and defeated. He doesn’t turn around, just stands there and waits. “Ryan,” says Chad, puffing up beside him, and touches his shoulder.
With a startlingly sudden movement, Ryan spins around and smacks his hand away. “Don’t,” he hisses. “Don’t - Jesus, Chad.” The look on his face is like something Chad has never seen before. When Ryan is unhappy, he closes off, shutters his expression. But right now he looks raw, wrecked, his eyes red and mouth trembling. It’s like he’s been split open, laid bare, and now is expecting to get smacked in the face for his troubles. Chad knows he put that expression there. He knows he has to fix this now, today, or it will never be fixable.
“Ryan,” he says, spreading his hands. He desperately wants to touch him, but knows he won’t be welcome, and oh, he’s got to fix this. “Please. Listen to me.”
“You’re an asshole,” says Ryan furiously, clenching his fists. “You fucking - why won’t you leave me alone?” He turns away, sharply. “You’ve had your fun. Your little experiment. Just leave me alone.”
“It wasn’t,” says Chad. “I wasn’t experimenting. I was confused, and you were there, and maybe at first that was it, but Ryan. Please.”
Still looking away, Ryan shoves his hands in his pockets and hunches his shoulders. Chad shoves his dripping hair out of his eyes, wishing the rain would ease up. “I ditched my friends to spend time with you,” he says quietly. “I danced in the musical. I-”
“What, you want me to thank you?” says Ryan incredulously. Chad tells himself that it’s the rain that’s making Ryan’s eyes all squinty and his face wet. “You think you get kudos for doing shit that a friend does?”
“No!” Chad’s no good at this, no good at talking about feelings. “I’m trying to tell you - you’re important to me. There are other things in my life, but you’re - I would skip every single basketball practise. I’d blow off my friends. I’d get up on stage in front of the whole school and sing about how I feel.” He can feel the rain spraying from his lips as he speaks, and scrubs angrily at his mouth. This isn’t how he wanted to do this.
Ryan finally turns to face him, looking bewildered and unhappy and wet. “I don’t understand. Why?”
“Because it’s important,” says Chad helplessly. “The first person you fall in love with - it’s important. Isn’t it?”
There’s a long moment of silence in which Ryan’s eyes go round and astonished. “Say that again.”
The bell rings shrilly in the background, and thunder rumbles. “You’re important to me,” says Chad.
To his surprise, Ryan laughs. It’s a helpless, hiccuping kind of laugh, but he’s smiling. “You dork,” he says and reaches out, fists a hand in Chad’s t-shirt and pulls him in.
Chad has no idea what’s going on, why Ryan suddenly changed his mind, but he doesn’t much care when Ryan comes in for a hug instead of a kiss, burying his face in Chad’s neck. “I guess I misunderstood,” says Ryan, muffled. “’m sorry.”
“Guess so,” says Chad, and touches the back of Ryan’s neck, his waist where his shirt is sticking to him in the rain. “I wouldn’t - I wouldn’t use you like that. You’ve gotta know that.”
Ryan just kind of nods. “That was the bell.” He squirms carefully out of Chad’s grasp with an apologetic smile. “Everyone will come out, they’ll see.”
Chad scowls. “Dude, I just got up on stage in front of the entire school and sang a love song for you. You think I care if they see?”
Ryan smiles shyly and bites his lip, and Chad just laughs and kisses him, right there in the rain outside the school. He keeps on kissing him as the front doors open and what must be half the school comes out, keeps kissing him even as they hear the astonished voices, curls his fingers into Ryan hair and kisses him and doesn’t stop until the applause starts and Ryan pulls away, laughing and blushing, to bury his face in Chad’s shoulder.