001. Video + Audio
[The video feed pops on and shows... sky. More specifically, sky that's kind of wobbling around at a dizzying level (those who get nauseated easily might want to hold their screens a little further away from their faces until it stops). This is because Heather is lousy at expressing her frustrations in productive ways and she's kind of shaking it around until it works.]
Goddamn thi-- ... oh. HELLO~, it's working.
[The sky finally swings out of view and is replaced by a very, very freckly face and a short mop of bottle-blond hair that looks like its owner just rolled out of bed. Further adding to this impression, Heather's eyes are kind of puffy and tired-looking. Truth is they always look like this, but the stress of this whole situation hasn't exactly helped.]
So yeah, I guess this has like, some sort of internet on it? I guess? Because I've gotten videos from other people popping up on here when I press certain buttons, so, whatever, I guess it's recording or something.
If it's not.... well, then I guess I'll just be this place's equivalent of the crazy guys who walk around talking on imaginary cell phones. And it'll be hilarious.
[The camera's jiggling around a little as she speaks-- she's walking with it.]
Anyway, there's actually a couple of important things I wanna mention here so if you're getting this, don't change the channel just yet.
I noticed a lot of you seem to have a bunch of friends here that you've met up with and are traveling with. That's cool, I'm not like, asking to join your little clubs or anything. But... if any of you see a sort of sad-looking old guy with a beard and a trenchcoat, could you let me know? You'll recognize him because he kind of totally looks like a flasher and he kind of smells like fish.
I'd give a shout-out to him myself, but... well, if he's even here at all, I don't think he'd be able to figure out how to work this thing in the first place. I'm pretty sure he like, doesn't even know how to use a computer back home.
[The camera swings around, showing the backdrop of Route 29]
Yeah. Trees and shit. It's awesome.
I have one of these... monster things, but it's not with me right now, so I won't film it.
It's a dog and I hate dogs, so I put it back in that ball thing because it WON'T. STAY. AWAY FROM ME. For fuckin' serious. I swear, this thing is like, a drool generator. I only got one towel in my backpack, people. how on earth am I supposed to be dealing with the mass amounts of saliva this thing creates?
[There's a pause, she seems to have realized that she's been rambling like whoa and there's probably not even anyone watching anymore.]
... Well. I guess this has gone on longer than I meant it to, so I'll wrap it up.
There's just one last thing I gotta mention, and I'll make it quick.
See, I showed up here in this like... tiny-ass skirt, and the only OTHER thing in my backpack was a pair of equally-tiny-ass shorts, so. I don't have anything against tiny-ass skirts, in fact they're awesome, but I'm kind of a fan of, you know, not getting cuts and bloodsucking... things that live in grass that I hate all over my legs. This outfit isn't exactly great for roaming the great outdoors.
[The camera swings back around to Heather's face again, and she's wearing this super-intense expression. Furrowed brows, fire in the eyes and everything. This chick is serious, you guys.]
So I guess what I'm trying to say is... Battle me. And if I win, give me your pants. Ciao.
[The screen clicks off.]
Goddamn thi-- ... oh. HELLO~, it's working.
[The sky finally swings out of view and is replaced by a very, very freckly face and a short mop of bottle-blond hair that looks like its owner just rolled out of bed. Further adding to this impression, Heather's eyes are kind of puffy and tired-looking. Truth is they always look like this, but the stress of this whole situation hasn't exactly helped.]
So yeah, I guess this has like, some sort of internet on it? I guess? Because I've gotten videos from other people popping up on here when I press certain buttons, so, whatever, I guess it's recording or something.
If it's not.... well, then I guess I'll just be this place's equivalent of the crazy guys who walk around talking on imaginary cell phones. And it'll be hilarious.
[The camera's jiggling around a little as she speaks-- she's walking with it.]
Anyway, there's actually a couple of important things I wanna mention here so if you're getting this, don't change the channel just yet.
I noticed a lot of you seem to have a bunch of friends here that you've met up with and are traveling with. That's cool, I'm not like, asking to join your little clubs or anything. But... if any of you see a sort of sad-looking old guy with a beard and a trenchcoat, could you let me know? You'll recognize him because he kind of totally looks like a flasher and he kind of smells like fish.
I'd give a shout-out to him myself, but... well, if he's even here at all, I don't think he'd be able to figure out how to work this thing in the first place. I'm pretty sure he like, doesn't even know how to use a computer back home.
[The camera swings around, showing the backdrop of Route 29]
Yeah. Trees and shit. It's awesome.
I have one of these... monster things, but it's not with me right now, so I won't film it.
It's a dog and I hate dogs, so I put it back in that ball thing because it WON'T. STAY. AWAY FROM ME. For fuckin' serious. I swear, this thing is like, a drool generator. I only got one towel in my backpack, people. how on earth am I supposed to be dealing with the mass amounts of saliva this thing creates?
[There's a pause, she seems to have realized that she's been rambling like whoa and there's probably not even anyone watching anymore.]
... Well. I guess this has gone on longer than I meant it to, so I'll wrap it up.
There's just one last thing I gotta mention, and I'll make it quick.
See, I showed up here in this like... tiny-ass skirt, and the only OTHER thing in my backpack was a pair of equally-tiny-ass shorts, so. I don't have anything against tiny-ass skirts, in fact they're awesome, but I'm kind of a fan of, you know, not getting cuts and bloodsucking... things that live in grass that I hate all over my legs. This outfit isn't exactly great for roaming the great outdoors.
[The camera swings back around to Heather's face again, and she's wearing this super-intense expression. Furrowed brows, fire in the eyes and everything. This chick is serious, you guys.]
So I guess what I'm trying to say is... Battle me. And if I win, give me your pants. Ciao.
[The screen clicks off.]