(no subject)
This is the first occurence of a extended run of consecutive terrible weekends in about as long as I can remember. I work my ass off all week so I can have enough money to go out and have a good time and then either everything goes wrong or everybody bails on me at the last minute constructing counterfeit unimaginative excuses for not wanting to do anything. It frustrates me so much. This may seem like I'm utterly consumed by my own needs and feelings (and maybe I am), but it just feels like I wear my heart on my sleeve and put everything else in my life on hold for people that are either incredibly naieve or just really don't care about me as much as I do for them. Of course, this doesn't apply to my well established relationships with close friends, but to others that I find I have things in common with, or similar tastes and personalities. About a month ago I met up with some people at from work at The Elephant as a last resort after being abandoned with no warning at Church of all places (it wasn't my idea to meet there - really), and there was a moment during the night when I was able to give them all cigarettes simultaneously, and then light them all, and I was overcome with a strange euphoria. They asked why I was so happy and I told them that it brings me pleasure to be able to give something to someone without being asked and see flickers of happiness glide over their expressions (or something similar), and no matter how many different ways I tried to explain my actions they were unable to fathom how this brought me joy. Are people that fucking cold? I'm so sick off all this shit, it just feels at times that it's really not worth it anymore. Depressing post, how fucking mundane and stereotypical.