Valentine's Day meme from Onion
Taken from Onion: a Valentine's Day meme with an OC pairing. I just picked Cai Kat, since they're pretty well known, but if you want to suggest some other people (there are a LOT, especially in CF) I'd be happy to fill things in.
1. So, what is your relationship status - dating, engaged, married, or complicated?
Katsuragi: I suppose it’s complicated? I mean, we can’t exactly date-
Caius: I don’t feel like going to prison, thank you very much!
2. Do you know each others' full names?
Caius: Yes.
Katsuragi: (obediently) Caius is his last name: the last name comes first.
Caius: Damn right!
3. What is the one thing you love the most about your partner?
Katsuragi: He’s irreverent.
Caius: He’s different than all those stupid high-born idiots.
4. If you could change one thing about them, what would it be?
Katsuragi: If he could be quiet sometimes instead of shooting off his mouth and pissing people off, he would be great in politics. Then again, if he were in politics it would ruin what makes him unique. Though the image of him insulting the politicians and upsetting the entire senate is very amusing.
Caius: He needs to thwart the system sometimes and stop being such a stickler for rules.
5. Do you get along with your partner's family?
(CF SPOILERS)
Katsuragi: Some of them. I like Andromache and Shohei. I haven’t met Shizuka, and Priam’s…not very nice.
Caius: I haven’t met any of the other Katsuragis and hope it stays that way.
6. How long have you been together?
Caius: About a year and some.
7. Nice! How did you meet?
Katsuragi: He passed me in the hallway and was vaguely disrespectful.
Caius: I was taking apart crates of papers and cursing at them. He had apparently stayed late to work and heard banging noises coming from the storage rooms and thought it was someone breaking in.
8. Do you think it was love at first sight?
Katsuragi: Uh…maybe.
Caius: That’s stupid- there’s no such thing. (turns to Kat) Wait, WHAT?
9. Do you live together yet?
Katsuragi: If by live you mean we spend most of our time slaving over work in the Ministry.
10. How far have you gone together?
Caius: We don’t leave the goddamn building. Oh yes, one time we went around the Consortium Dome at some hellish hour to deliver papers.
Katsuragi: Let’s never do that again.
11. What is your ideal romantic vacation?
Katsuragi: Anywhere but the Ministry.
Caius: Preferably a papercut-free place.
Katsuragi: That would be nice. (holds out hand) Mine are pretty bad.
Caius: (holds out hand) Mine are worse!
Katsuragi: Why are you making this some kind of competition?
12. How do you spend quiet evenings alone together?
Together: Working.
Caius: Sometimes we talk about recent political news.
Katsuragi: And ministers. And we have tea.
13. What is the best gift you've ever gotten from one another?
Caius: I got a cup of tea once when I was sick.
Katsuragi: I got more snide commentary about the ministers and high-born than I ever wanted.
Caius: Admit it, you think it’s funny.
Katsuragi: (glare) I can’t talk to the Tendous with a serious face anymore.
14. Reveal something only you would know about your partner!
Katsuragi: I think his dream was to be a lawyer or sit in the Judges’ Court. Pity his family obligations and position forced him to take the Ministry assistant job.
Caius: He hates social functions.
Katsuragi: That’s all you’ve got?
Caius: You’re actually quite mysterious in ways I didn’t realise.
15. What is your idea of a dream home? Do you have separate ideas, or are you on the same page?
Caius: Never thought about it.
Katsuragi: Maybe a small place somewhere in the city but out of the Consortium Dome.
Caius: Ok-kay, apparently one of us has.
16. Any kids? Any plans for kids?
Caius: (mutter) I already have to deal with a whole clan of Caius children who somehow think I’m the city babysitter.
Katsuragi: (laugh) You’re good with kids. And you look…relaxed when you’re with them. I think we’d be good parents.
Caius: That child would have coffee flowing through its veins!
Katsuragi: Oh, you.
17. How often do you fight, and what sort of stuff are the fights normally about?
Caius: Yes! Whenever he’s wrong!
Katsuragi: I am NOT. I think forming that treaty with Iotna was essential to-
Caius: -Blah blah- nepotism! We could have gotten an equivalent trade for a better price from one of the western provinces if the ministers around here didn’t have their noses so high in the air.
Katsuragi: Some of the ministers here are good people. And Iotna’s one of our allies.
Caius: Doesn’t mean they should get the best of everything.
Katsuragi: Cynic!
Caius: Loyalist!
18. Are you into public displays of affection?
Katsuragi: At times there has been a certain…er, brush of shoulders in the presence of other ministers.
Caius: That was on accident! Do I look like I want to get arrested?
19. Do you brag about each other?
Katsuragi: My family knows Caius is a very talented man who works hard for the Ministry for the good of the country.
Caius: Not really.
Katsuragi: WHAT.
20. Any celebrity crushes?
Caius: Celebrity? Like…Teintsant?
Katsuragi: Teintsant’s a Iotnan negotiator.
Caius: He’s pretty famous! He settled that dispute between-
Katsuragi: Er…I don’t think you understand the full meaning of this word. They mean like Heinrich Agrippus-
Caius: Who would like that pompous idiot?
Katsuragi: Well…I suppose that answers that.
21. Do you have a song?
Caius: There are some interesting concerto pieces on his phonograph.
Katsuragi: Thank you- I’ve worked very hard to build up my collection.
22. Do you like each others' friends?
Caius: I don’t think he has many friends. I like Fujii. And Teintsant.
Katsuragi: (dryly) Should I be getting jealous here? (laugh) I don’t know many of Caius’s friends. Most of the people we mutually know work at the Ministry.
23. Do you think it'll last?
Katsuragi: I hope so.
Caius: I hope so, but I know it won’t.
Katsuragi: Cadmus!
Caius: What? Be rational! You think we’re just going to be working together in some perpetual bachelorhood forever? I can’t say much for myself, but you’re a Katsuragi- you’ve got prospects! And I’m sure your family will want to-
Katsuragi: Please never say such an awful thing ever again.
Caius: I’m…I’m sorry I upset you…(silence) But really, if you think about it-
Katsuragi: NEVER!
1. So, what is your relationship status - dating, engaged, married, or complicated?
Katsuragi: I suppose it’s complicated? I mean, we can’t exactly date-
Caius: I don’t feel like going to prison, thank you very much!
2. Do you know each others' full names?
Caius: Yes.
Katsuragi: (obediently) Caius is his last name: the last name comes first.
Caius: Damn right!
3. What is the one thing you love the most about your partner?
Katsuragi: He’s irreverent.
Caius: He’s different than all those stupid high-born idiots.
4. If you could change one thing about them, what would it be?
Katsuragi: If he could be quiet sometimes instead of shooting off his mouth and pissing people off, he would be great in politics. Then again, if he were in politics it would ruin what makes him unique. Though the image of him insulting the politicians and upsetting the entire senate is very amusing.
Caius: He needs to thwart the system sometimes and stop being such a stickler for rules.
5. Do you get along with your partner's family?
(CF SPOILERS)
Katsuragi: Some of them. I like Andromache and Shohei. I haven’t met Shizuka, and Priam’s…not very nice.
Caius: I haven’t met any of the other Katsuragis and hope it stays that way.
6. How long have you been together?
Caius: About a year and some.
7. Nice! How did you meet?
Katsuragi: He passed me in the hallway and was vaguely disrespectful.
Caius: I was taking apart crates of papers and cursing at them. He had apparently stayed late to work and heard banging noises coming from the storage rooms and thought it was someone breaking in.
8. Do you think it was love at first sight?
Katsuragi: Uh…maybe.
Caius: That’s stupid- there’s no such thing. (turns to Kat) Wait, WHAT?
9. Do you live together yet?
Katsuragi: If by live you mean we spend most of our time slaving over work in the Ministry.
10. How far have you gone together?
Caius: We don’t leave the goddamn building. Oh yes, one time we went around the Consortium Dome at some hellish hour to deliver papers.
Katsuragi: Let’s never do that again.
11. What is your ideal romantic vacation?
Katsuragi: Anywhere but the Ministry.
Caius: Preferably a papercut-free place.
Katsuragi: That would be nice. (holds out hand) Mine are pretty bad.
Caius: (holds out hand) Mine are worse!
Katsuragi: Why are you making this some kind of competition?
12. How do you spend quiet evenings alone together?
Together: Working.
Caius: Sometimes we talk about recent political news.
Katsuragi: And ministers. And we have tea.
13. What is the best gift you've ever gotten from one another?
Caius: I got a cup of tea once when I was sick.
Katsuragi: I got more snide commentary about the ministers and high-born than I ever wanted.
Caius: Admit it, you think it’s funny.
Katsuragi: (glare) I can’t talk to the Tendous with a serious face anymore.
14. Reveal something only you would know about your partner!
Katsuragi: I think his dream was to be a lawyer or sit in the Judges’ Court. Pity his family obligations and position forced him to take the Ministry assistant job.
Caius: He hates social functions.
Katsuragi: That’s all you’ve got?
Caius: You’re actually quite mysterious in ways I didn’t realise.
15. What is your idea of a dream home? Do you have separate ideas, or are you on the same page?
Caius: Never thought about it.
Katsuragi: Maybe a small place somewhere in the city but out of the Consortium Dome.
Caius: Ok-kay, apparently one of us has.
16. Any kids? Any plans for kids?
Caius: (mutter) I already have to deal with a whole clan of Caius children who somehow think I’m the city babysitter.
Katsuragi: (laugh) You’re good with kids. And you look…relaxed when you’re with them. I think we’d be good parents.
Caius: That child would have coffee flowing through its veins!
Katsuragi: Oh, you.
17. How often do you fight, and what sort of stuff are the fights normally about?
Caius: Yes! Whenever he’s wrong!
Katsuragi: I am NOT. I think forming that treaty with Iotna was essential to-
Caius: -Blah blah- nepotism! We could have gotten an equivalent trade for a better price from one of the western provinces if the ministers around here didn’t have their noses so high in the air.
Katsuragi: Some of the ministers here are good people. And Iotna’s one of our allies.
Caius: Doesn’t mean they should get the best of everything.
Katsuragi: Cynic!
Caius: Loyalist!
18. Are you into public displays of affection?
Katsuragi: At times there has been a certain…er, brush of shoulders in the presence of other ministers.
Caius: That was on accident! Do I look like I want to get arrested?
19. Do you brag about each other?
Katsuragi: My family knows Caius is a very talented man who works hard for the Ministry for the good of the country.
Caius: Not really.
Katsuragi: WHAT.
20. Any celebrity crushes?
Caius: Celebrity? Like…Teintsant?
Katsuragi: Teintsant’s a Iotnan negotiator.
Caius: He’s pretty famous! He settled that dispute between-
Katsuragi: Er…I don’t think you understand the full meaning of this word. They mean like Heinrich Agrippus-
Caius: Who would like that pompous idiot?
Katsuragi: Well…I suppose that answers that.
21. Do you have a song?
Caius: There are some interesting concerto pieces on his phonograph.
Katsuragi: Thank you- I’ve worked very hard to build up my collection.
22. Do you like each others' friends?
Caius: I don’t think he has many friends. I like Fujii. And Teintsant.
Katsuragi: (dryly) Should I be getting jealous here? (laugh) I don’t know many of Caius’s friends. Most of the people we mutually know work at the Ministry.
23. Do you think it'll last?
Katsuragi: I hope so.
Caius: I hope so, but I know it won’t.
Katsuragi: Cadmus!
Caius: What? Be rational! You think we’re just going to be working together in some perpetual bachelorhood forever? I can’t say much for myself, but you’re a Katsuragi- you’ve got prospects! And I’m sure your family will want to-
Katsuragi: Please never say such an awful thing ever again.
Caius: I’m…I’m sorry I upset you…(silence) But really, if you think about it-
Katsuragi: NEVER!