(no subject)
Well Iam not any better yet. I dunno what it is exactly, but something isn't right inside. Iam just so pissed off. I want to scream, yell and explode on someone or something, i've been a bitch all day and left work after 3 hrs. I think that was a good call. I hate not knowing the future and i feel stuck and like iam waiting and waiting for my life to finally unfold and be the way i want it to be. I feel like a prisoner right now, living with my asshole selfish parents, and bro. All they ever do is make my life more miserable. I hate how much bills i have to pay mostly the fucking student loan, i hate being in this debt, i mean without just that one payment alone i could move out and get my own place with someone, and maybe be happier. Well hopefully. That is what iam definitely counting on. I want some peace of mind, i really need it, i need peace, i feel so drained and tired of everything, anger really eats you, as if being sucked out from the inside out. I hate not getting what i want, and i have grown so impatient, and dealing with that is a pain, but iam trying to change. I used to be patient, and carefree, not much ever bothered me like things do now. I dunno what it is, why i changed for the worst so much, prolly cause of all the stress i have to deal with at home and now work. I hope it goes away.
So i did work my regular 7 hour shift on Friday but i was still pissed about Thursday. I wasn't even sure if he was going to send me home earlier again, i took my time though maybe that is why he didn't, iam always going to take that route from now on, cause i don't give a fuck, i come in expecting to work 8 hrs not five or six or fucking four. It's like hello i want and need full time work not part time. And he knows that, but doesn't give. I think this week will be fine, i mean it should be ok if i take my time when there isn't that much work at times. It's a sunny day but it was cold in the morning, the wind chill sucked. It got a little warmer now. Iam not sure if i want to go out anywhere. I feel tired and bitchy, maybe i should just stay in and keep to myself. I dunno if going out anywhere or seeing Wayne will make me feel any better. Hmmm maybe i should go see a movie for a change cause i hardly ever go and have a free pass. Well i'll check what's playing first. Or maybe go to the mall and just look at things, just check out my fav stores and see what's new, and i think there's a lot of clearance going on rigt now. Yeah ok there's nothing playing in this city that interests me at this time, i mean it's mostly kid movies what the hell. I think Babel looks good but i don't know why it isn't playing yet oh yeah it's coming out in February. Well ok then fine, i think i'll just stay home have dinner here (cause my dad is home and making it woopie- without him there would be nothing- no dinner made ever) and then maybe go out, wherever, prolly just hang out, i think everyone is working right now though, gotta wait.