damn you, homophobic
Oh, man, I'm so mad.
Last night I felt so damn sad, like I lost someone special in my life. I'm pathetic, I know, but what can I say? I cried *pause for laughs* I did! It's something so simple, I mean, I don't cry for no reason. I really don't. But I cried so hard. I don't think I felt this way since Bianca left. Okay, I'll never feel as bad as I felt or cry as much as I cried when that bitch stole Bianca from us, but I did felt bad. I cried quite a lot. And I even feel my cheeks blush while I tell you this, coz is soo stupid. Or not. I'm not sure. I just know I felt like shit. Like someone just dumped me or something. I felt my heart broken, really. It felt really bad.
My dad knows.
Knows what? Well, I don't know... What have I talked about in the last five, six days?
He knows I'm a QaF junkie now.
And he didn't like it. Not even a bit.
It all happened when we both went to therapy. We were talking, when he told me that he saw an episode of 'Will&Grace' and laughed like crazy. Then he said: 'It's so normal nowdays, to have gay couples on television, isn't it? Like that show you and Amanda saw in USA..."
I started to laugh so hard, you have know idea. He got really confused. That's because the show he's talking about, is QAF! And he had no idea I was watching it. Lol.
Then I went inside our therapist room to talk to her, and he waited outside. I told her about QaF and that I was watching it... AND HE HEARD! The idiot heard! Grr. But he didn't say anything. He left me home and went to work.
So, at 9 pm, there I was, watching the 3rd season finale...
*Brian staring at Justin*
Justin: What you're doing?
Brian: I'm using my powers of mind control.
Justin: Drop your pants... Bend over... (*me, laughing*)
*Brian smiles, very naughty*
Justin: You can't you use your powers for something more constructive, huh?
So, yes, there I was, laughing. Then Brian kisses Justin. I when I realized, my dad was back, he was just behind me and saw the kiss.
Dad: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
*Me, acting confused*
Dad: DON'T YOU DARE PLAYING INNOCENT!
*still with the innocent face, closing Windows Media Player, and dad notices my Justin-Brian Wallpaper, hugging each other and with blue hearts on the side*
Dad: YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS? THAT'S A SHOW WITH HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE!
Me: So? It's just one couple in the whole show! (I'm such a liar) Like the two women in Buffy, Willow and Tara, you didn't care about them!
Dad: DON'T YOU LIE TO ME! I HEARD YOU THIS AFTERNOON! IT'S A SHOW WHERE A OLDER MAN DATES A TEENAGER AND HAS LOTS OF GAY FRIENDS! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT *points at wallpaper* MEN HUGGING WITH HEARTS? YOU TAKE THAT AWAY AND TAKE ALL THOSE VIDEOS AND STUFF, COZ I'M NOT PAYING LIVEJOURNAL, CABLE OR ANY OF THOSE CRAP FOR YOU TO WATCH MAN KISSING MAN!
Me: Oh, please! That's so...
Dad: SHUT UP! DO WHAT I SAY OR I'LL TAKE THIS COMPUTER AWAY, FOR REAL! IF YOU DON'T DO IT, I WILL! YOU CAN'T HAVE EVEN A SINGLE VIDEO OR PICTURE WITH THAT MAN AND THAT... BLOND BOY!
Me: B-But dad...
Dad: DO IT!
And he left.
I kept staring at the computer screen for, like, five or ten minutes. I didn't know what to say or think. I was like... argh.
If he knew! If he knew all the slash I read, all the things I watched! ARRGH, I can't believe it. I hate him... Okay, I don't hate him, but that was so fucking pathetic. So fucking selfish. And so fucking homophobic.
I went to the bathroom and cried. I don't know why, it's just... Since Bianca left, I never felt this happy, you know? With this new fandom, I was really having fun, I forgot about my problems and everything. It feels really good to feel this way. I mean, friends of mine, imagine if your parents said "NO MORE HARRY POTTER!" Well, I would be dead by now if he said that. Lol. But, he didn't wanted me to like Harry Potter at first, but when I got crazy about it, he didn't care.
But he never screamed at me like that. Damn him, I mean, I'm not gay and I have to deal with homophobics now!? That's so unfair! When I took a bath and went to my bedroom, I decided to not use the computer anymore, and cried even more. I mean, I had to get over it! Forget about QaF! But I just couldn't! How childish am I? So many problems in the world but, there was I, crying because I don't want to give up on the Queer as Folk fandom?
Anyway. After about half an hour thinking about how was I going to buy the QaF DVDs I want so bad, and crying even more. I'm so lame.
I made a decision when I thought about it. I wasn't going to give up on QaF just because my father is a god damn idiot. I'm going to find a way, maybe ask a friend to buy the dvds for me. I'm going to keep the videos and change only my wallpaper and screensavers. I'm gonna keep it a secret, coz I'm not giving up. Not ever. I mean, honestly! He works a lot. I can watch the videos when he's out. And the dvds too.
My mood is crushed, but actually I'm feeling quite better. I was that crushed yesterday, yeah.
But I'm not going to give up.
SAY IT WITH ME! HOMOPHOBICS SUCKS!
AND I'M KEEPING MY ICON, THAT'S SO BLOODY GORGEOUS, I'M IN LOVE WITH IT! *hugs icon*
Last night I felt so damn sad, like I lost someone special in my life. I'm pathetic, I know, but what can I say? I cried *pause for laughs* I did! It's something so simple, I mean, I don't cry for no reason. I really don't. But I cried so hard. I don't think I felt this way since Bianca left. Okay, I'll never feel as bad as I felt or cry as much as I cried when that bitch stole Bianca from us, but I did felt bad. I cried quite a lot. And I even feel my cheeks blush while I tell you this, coz is soo stupid. Or not. I'm not sure. I just know I felt like shit. Like someone just dumped me or something. I felt my heart broken, really. It felt really bad.
My dad knows.
Knows what? Well, I don't know... What have I talked about in the last five, six days?
He knows I'm a QaF junkie now.
And he didn't like it. Not even a bit.
It all happened when we both went to therapy. We were talking, when he told me that he saw an episode of 'Will&Grace' and laughed like crazy. Then he said: 'It's so normal nowdays, to have gay couples on television, isn't it? Like that show you and Amanda saw in USA..."
I started to laugh so hard, you have know idea. He got really confused. That's because the show he's talking about, is QAF! And he had no idea I was watching it. Lol.
Then I went inside our therapist room to talk to her, and he waited outside. I told her about QaF and that I was watching it... AND HE HEARD! The idiot heard! Grr. But he didn't say anything. He left me home and went to work.
So, at 9 pm, there I was, watching the 3rd season finale...
*Brian staring at Justin*
Justin: What you're doing?
Brian: I'm using my powers of mind control.
Justin: Drop your pants... Bend over... (*me, laughing*)
*Brian smiles, very naughty*
Justin: You can't you use your powers for something more constructive, huh?
So, yes, there I was, laughing. Then Brian kisses Justin. I when I realized, my dad was back, he was just behind me and saw the kiss.
Dad: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
*Me, acting confused*
Dad: DON'T YOU DARE PLAYING INNOCENT!
*still with the innocent face, closing Windows Media Player, and dad notices my Justin-Brian Wallpaper, hugging each other and with blue hearts on the side*
Dad: YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS? THAT'S A SHOW WITH HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE!
Me: So? It's just one couple in the whole show! (I'm such a liar) Like the two women in Buffy, Willow and Tara, you didn't care about them!
Dad: DON'T YOU LIE TO ME! I HEARD YOU THIS AFTERNOON! IT'S A SHOW WHERE A OLDER MAN DATES A TEENAGER AND HAS LOTS OF GAY FRIENDS! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT *points at wallpaper* MEN HUGGING WITH HEARTS? YOU TAKE THAT AWAY AND TAKE ALL THOSE VIDEOS AND STUFF, COZ I'M NOT PAYING LIVEJOURNAL, CABLE OR ANY OF THOSE CRAP FOR YOU TO WATCH MAN KISSING MAN!
Me: Oh, please! That's so...
Dad: SHUT UP! DO WHAT I SAY OR I'LL TAKE THIS COMPUTER AWAY, FOR REAL! IF YOU DON'T DO IT, I WILL! YOU CAN'T HAVE EVEN A SINGLE VIDEO OR PICTURE WITH THAT MAN AND THAT... BLOND BOY!
Me: B-But dad...
Dad: DO IT!
And he left.
I kept staring at the computer screen for, like, five or ten minutes. I didn't know what to say or think. I was like... argh.
If he knew! If he knew all the slash I read, all the things I watched! ARRGH, I can't believe it. I hate him... Okay, I don't hate him, but that was so fucking pathetic. So fucking selfish. And so fucking homophobic.
I went to the bathroom and cried. I don't know why, it's just... Since Bianca left, I never felt this happy, you know? With this new fandom, I was really having fun, I forgot about my problems and everything. It feels really good to feel this way. I mean, friends of mine, imagine if your parents said "NO MORE HARRY POTTER!" Well, I would be dead by now if he said that. Lol. But, he didn't wanted me to like Harry Potter at first, but when I got crazy about it, he didn't care.
But he never screamed at me like that. Damn him, I mean, I'm not gay and I have to deal with homophobics now!? That's so unfair! When I took a bath and went to my bedroom, I decided to not use the computer anymore, and cried even more. I mean, I had to get over it! Forget about QaF! But I just couldn't! How childish am I? So many problems in the world but, there was I, crying because I don't want to give up on the Queer as Folk fandom?
Anyway. After about half an hour thinking about how was I going to buy the QaF DVDs I want so bad, and crying even more. I'm so lame.
I made a decision when I thought about it. I wasn't going to give up on QaF just because my father is a god damn idiot. I'm going to find a way, maybe ask a friend to buy the dvds for me. I'm going to keep the videos and change only my wallpaper and screensavers. I'm gonna keep it a secret, coz I'm not giving up. Not ever. I mean, honestly! He works a lot. I can watch the videos when he's out. And the dvds too.
My mood is crushed, but actually I'm feeling quite better. I was that crushed yesterday, yeah.
But I'm not going to give up.
SAY IT WITH ME! HOMOPHOBICS SUCKS!
AND I'M KEEPING MY ICON, THAT'S SO BLOODY GORGEOUS, I'M IN LOVE WITH IT! *hugs icon*