The disturbing power of words
I've had occasion to ride the busses in San Francisco a few times lately. This is something I don't usually do, since most of what I normally do in the city is at or within a few blocks of work, which is right next to a BART station, so, usually, not much need. In any case, in the past couple of weeks I've had to do a few things that actually necessitated riding the bus, and I've noticed something interesting..
Now, I've developed certain habits over the course of my life, automated responses to things I barely even think about anymore. For example, when I start interacting with somebody, especially somebody I've never met before, I start by saying "hello". It's the polite thing to do, and I do it pretty much without thinking. Likewise, when somebody gives something to me, I say "thank you". It's automatic. I even do it at restaurants, when somebody brings me my food, or refills my drink, or in stores, when somebody gives me the items I've just purchased, or a receipt. I even do it at the gym, when the guy behind the counter gives me back my keys after scanning the little keyfob thing to verify I'm allowed to be there. (Yes, I say "thank you" for somebody giving back my own keys after having been essentially digitally interrogated. It may seem silly, but that's just an example of how thoroughly ingrained and automatic a response it is for me. And in the end, it doesn't hurt anybody, so why not?)
So I'm taking the bus, and in case there are those who've never ridden the busses in San Francisco (or I'm guessing pretty much anywhere else), it goes like this: You get on, put your little money in the little-money-taker-machine, the driver hands you a transfer, and you go sit down (everybody gets a transfer, whether they're planning on transferring or not, because it also serves as a proof-of-payment so you don't get accidentally kicked off the bus). So I'm getting on the bus, just like everybody else, and it gets to be my turn in line, and I climb up the stairs and I look at the bus driver and I say "hello", and I put my money in the machine, and he gives me a transfer, and I say "thank you." Then the driver looks up at me, and then his entire expression changes. Up to that point, he'd been the typical grumpy bus driver that probably everybody has seen before, or if you haven't you can probably imagine: the guy you can just tell is completely fed up with people, and traffic, and his job, and his life, and is just going through the motions because there's nothing else to do. And then suddenly he was a different person entirely. He was actually smiling! And not just at me, he smiled at the next person in line too, and I'm not really sure, but I think he was still doing it as we drove down the street, too. All I said was "hello" and "thank you", and it changed this guy's whole outlook on things. I've been saying this sort of thing to people most of my life, and I don't think I've ever seen a reaction quite like that. It was rather surprising.
So a few days later, I'm taking another bus, and I climb up the stairs, say "hello" to the driver, put my money in the machine, get my transfer, and say "thank you", and guess what? It happens again! Just like the other guy, this woman's expression changed completely from looking like she was downright pissed off at everything and everyone to that of a friendly, smiling person. What's more, that day, by some remarkable timing, I was taking the bus back home the other way, and managed to get on the same bus with the same driver going the other direction, and she recognized me, smiled, and said hi as I got on the bus.
There was another bus, with another driver, who had a similar reaction too, though somewhat more subdued. "hello" and "thank you" and suddenly he's not scowling quite so much at everybody who goes by. It wasn't huge, but it was still there, I could tell.
Now on the face of it, this seems pretty cool, and this is where you're probably expecting me to get to the obvious moral of the story and talk about how people should be nicer because just a few words can make somebody's day and so on and so forth ("This message brought to you by the Church of Latter Day Saints")... But then I got to thinking. This wasn't just an isolated incident. It happened on almost all of the busses I've ridden on in the past few weeks. And I've never seen responses like that in other places, either. What must that job be like, what must it be doing to these people, if every bus driver out there seems to be that starved for a few words of basic courtesy? I can't even really imagine, but it can't be good. They see hundreds of people every day. Can it really be the case that out of all those people, I'm the only one who said anything like that to them? It just doesn't seem believable somehow.
So what's the real point here? I don't know, but to be honest there's something a bit disturbing about all of this. A couple of words, said without even really thinking about it, by some random stranger, should not have that much impact on people's outlook on the world. On the one hand, I feel good that I was able to make a few people's days a bit better, but on the other hand I can't help thinking about all the other bus drivers out there. And I can't help wondering what makes them so different than everybody else I interact with, that this sort of thing would become so much more important to them.
I dunno, I guess the point here is if anybody out there reading this has occasion to take a bus in San Francisco, please be nice to the driver and say hello and thank you and let them know you're glad they're there doing that job, because apparently, from what I can tell, they could really use it about now.
Now, I've developed certain habits over the course of my life, automated responses to things I barely even think about anymore. For example, when I start interacting with somebody, especially somebody I've never met before, I start by saying "hello". It's the polite thing to do, and I do it pretty much without thinking. Likewise, when somebody gives something to me, I say "thank you". It's automatic. I even do it at restaurants, when somebody brings me my food, or refills my drink, or in stores, when somebody gives me the items I've just purchased, or a receipt. I even do it at the gym, when the guy behind the counter gives me back my keys after scanning the little keyfob thing to verify I'm allowed to be there. (Yes, I say "thank you" for somebody giving back my own keys after having been essentially digitally interrogated. It may seem silly, but that's just an example of how thoroughly ingrained and automatic a response it is for me. And in the end, it doesn't hurt anybody, so why not?)
So I'm taking the bus, and in case there are those who've never ridden the busses in San Francisco (or I'm guessing pretty much anywhere else), it goes like this: You get on, put your little money in the little-money-taker-machine, the driver hands you a transfer, and you go sit down (everybody gets a transfer, whether they're planning on transferring or not, because it also serves as a proof-of-payment so you don't get accidentally kicked off the bus). So I'm getting on the bus, just like everybody else, and it gets to be my turn in line, and I climb up the stairs and I look at the bus driver and I say "hello", and I put my money in the machine, and he gives me a transfer, and I say "thank you." Then the driver looks up at me, and then his entire expression changes. Up to that point, he'd been the typical grumpy bus driver that probably everybody has seen before, or if you haven't you can probably imagine: the guy you can just tell is completely fed up with people, and traffic, and his job, and his life, and is just going through the motions because there's nothing else to do. And then suddenly he was a different person entirely. He was actually smiling! And not just at me, he smiled at the next person in line too, and I'm not really sure, but I think he was still doing it as we drove down the street, too. All I said was "hello" and "thank you", and it changed this guy's whole outlook on things. I've been saying this sort of thing to people most of my life, and I don't think I've ever seen a reaction quite like that. It was rather surprising.
So a few days later, I'm taking another bus, and I climb up the stairs, say "hello" to the driver, put my money in the machine, get my transfer, and say "thank you", and guess what? It happens again! Just like the other guy, this woman's expression changed completely from looking like she was downright pissed off at everything and everyone to that of a friendly, smiling person. What's more, that day, by some remarkable timing, I was taking the bus back home the other way, and managed to get on the same bus with the same driver going the other direction, and she recognized me, smiled, and said hi as I got on the bus.
There was another bus, with another driver, who had a similar reaction too, though somewhat more subdued. "hello" and "thank you" and suddenly he's not scowling quite so much at everybody who goes by. It wasn't huge, but it was still there, I could tell.
Now on the face of it, this seems pretty cool, and this is where you're probably expecting me to get to the obvious moral of the story and talk about how people should be nicer because just a few words can make somebody's day and so on and so forth ("This message brought to you by the Church of Latter Day Saints")... But then I got to thinking. This wasn't just an isolated incident. It happened on almost all of the busses I've ridden on in the past few weeks. And I've never seen responses like that in other places, either. What must that job be like, what must it be doing to these people, if every bus driver out there seems to be that starved for a few words of basic courtesy? I can't even really imagine, but it can't be good. They see hundreds of people every day. Can it really be the case that out of all those people, I'm the only one who said anything like that to them? It just doesn't seem believable somehow.
So what's the real point here? I don't know, but to be honest there's something a bit disturbing about all of this. A couple of words, said without even really thinking about it, by some random stranger, should not have that much impact on people's outlook on the world. On the one hand, I feel good that I was able to make a few people's days a bit better, but on the other hand I can't help thinking about all the other bus drivers out there. And I can't help wondering what makes them so different than everybody else I interact with, that this sort of thing would become so much more important to them.
I dunno, I guess the point here is if anybody out there reading this has occasion to take a bus in San Francisco, please be nice to the driver and say hello and thank you and let them know you're glad they're there doing that job, because apparently, from what I can tell, they could really use it about now.