what to do.
Certain things in life will never be easy. I have to understand that and come to grips with it. I'm not ready to accept a lot of the things that are coming in my life. I feel like I'm trying to hide from life. I dont' know what to do about it. I think coming home this summer will have its good and bad. I think I am not ready for so much. I don't feel like an adult. Why is everyone forcing me to be one? Age has nothing to do with your life stage. Is it possible to feel immature and wisened all at the same time. I feel like I have been through so much and nothing at all. Yes I am scared. And I have every right to be. Sometimes I get in the car and I just want to drive.. and not stop. I want to just have the open road, my music and the assurance that someone is aruond wondering where I am. I dont' think that's a lot to ask. I'm scared of my own thoughts and feelings sometimes. I dont' know how to interpret so much of them.
"A place where I can bid my heart be still, and it will mind me, A place where I can go when I am lost and there I'll find me."
Sounds good to me. I don't know who I am trying to become. I wish I did.
I'm tired of these feelings.. I feel like tehy are the same ones I have had my whole life.. and they are constantly derived from the same issues. How do you better yourself as a person if you feel like you are stuck in neutral. I don't even know if that's how I feel.. I think I feel that way.
And I guess that is the problem. I think about everything to much... I think I stop myself from really living my life because all I do is think abuot what I'm doing, or who I'm talking to ... or what I'm sayng to them, or what they've said to me. I want to be brave and courageous. I want to speak my mind and not care about the consequences. I want to do right by myself and not be scared of failing. And all of this seems easy as just doing it. But when you've functioned for so long the same way. The events themselves are no longer really the scary parts. Its making the change. I can't even give up fully. Dont' get worried I don't mean anything scary by that. But, there are thoughts on life processes that say that sometimes you just have to give control over to G-d. Put things in G-d's hands. But I don't even think I do that to my fullest extent sometimes. I'm stuck I feel stuck. This is where I need G-d. This is where I need to see that he is there listening. Anyway. I thnk I'm going to go to bed now. I'm tired.
"A place where I can bid my heart be still, and it will mind me, A place where I can go when I am lost and there I'll find me."
Sounds good to me. I don't know who I am trying to become. I wish I did.
I'm tired of these feelings.. I feel like tehy are the same ones I have had my whole life.. and they are constantly derived from the same issues. How do you better yourself as a person if you feel like you are stuck in neutral. I don't even know if that's how I feel.. I think I feel that way.
And I guess that is the problem. I think about everything to much... I think I stop myself from really living my life because all I do is think abuot what I'm doing, or who I'm talking to ... or what I'm sayng to them, or what they've said to me. I want to be brave and courageous. I want to speak my mind and not care about the consequences. I want to do right by myself and not be scared of failing. And all of this seems easy as just doing it. But when you've functioned for so long the same way. The events themselves are no longer really the scary parts. Its making the change. I can't even give up fully. Dont' get worried I don't mean anything scary by that. But, there are thoughts on life processes that say that sometimes you just have to give control over to G-d. Put things in G-d's hands. But I don't even think I do that to my fullest extent sometimes. I'm stuck I feel stuck. This is where I need G-d. This is where I need to see that he is there listening. Anyway. I thnk I'm going to go to bed now. I'm tired.