(no subject)
i am ill and have been eating a variety of foods to get myself in better health.
i read these ana communities this evening and i miss how strong i used to be.
some people would say that being strong does not include anorexia or any form of an eating disorder...
and part of that may be true..
but i have realized how many more good looking people are out there and just how mediocre i have become.
i wear a size 6 now ...
that is normal.
that is not the size 4 that i was at the beginning of the year....
and that is not the size 2 or 0 that i strive to be.
some tell me...many console me on how important it is to be confident no matter what your weight is.
that is bullshit.
there are health risks for lack of caloric intake such as osteoperosis and heart problems but you know what?
there are health risks for everything.
if i live in america, i feel as though i have to act american. I have to reach for what is the apparant
"american dream" until i am strong enough to truly believe and feel that some other way of thinking is important.
thus...
i am starting my diet tomorrow. I am regaining trust in beauty that is on the surface.
I am superficial and tonight i am admitting it completely
its nice to be intelligent...but its so much easier to just be fucking flawlessly thin. the rest just seems to fall into place, you know.
i read these ana communities this evening and i miss how strong i used to be.
some people would say that being strong does not include anorexia or any form of an eating disorder...
and part of that may be true..
but i have realized how many more good looking people are out there and just how mediocre i have become.
i wear a size 6 now ...
that is normal.
that is not the size 4 that i was at the beginning of the year....
and that is not the size 2 or 0 that i strive to be.
some tell me...many console me on how important it is to be confident no matter what your weight is.
that is bullshit.
there are health risks for lack of caloric intake such as osteoperosis and heart problems but you know what?
there are health risks for everything.
if i live in america, i feel as though i have to act american. I have to reach for what is the apparant
"american dream" until i am strong enough to truly believe and feel that some other way of thinking is important.
thus...
i am starting my diet tomorrow. I am regaining trust in beauty that is on the surface.
I am superficial and tonight i am admitting it completely
its nice to be intelligent...but its so much easier to just be fucking flawlessly thin. the rest just seems to fall into place, you know.