Yeh yeh.
I blocked you. And told you I'll unblock you in half an hour.
This is the longest half hour of my life. 8 minutes left.
I constantly look at the time. At your msn name. See if you fb or text me at all.
But you don't.
You didn't.
Not that I mind, I probably would do the same thing if you blocked me. But still. It'd be nice.
But I'm not expecting.
All that I expected of you ended in failure. In disappointment.
Every time.
It's about time I accept it. I'm trying my best.
And as much as I wanna push you away. I can't.
Look, I unblocked you. And I still had 5 mins left.
This is stupid. I always think that I can ignore you for a whole weekend, a whole week, a whole month..
But who am I kidding? I can't even ignore you for a mere half hour. I feel so weak.
You've got me. You've fucking got me.
And it gets me so scared.
Because I was planning to tell you I need to distance myself away from you. This weekend.
I planned to tell you that in order for me to be fully happy, I needed to stop being your closest friend.
Because I won't find him, if things stay this way.
I'm so sorry. But it's killing me. I can't take it anymore.
I die a little more inside whenever I get reminded you can't be that person for me.
You're hindering me from finding him.
I'm sorry.
But sometimes, not really.
But now, I'm scared I might consider never telling you.
And I'd be stuck. Like this.
Wishing. Expecting. Hurting. Every fucking day.
I don't want to. I can't convince you enough to make you see me.
To choose me.
I've tried being patient. But everytime.. everytime.. she always ends up on top. Without doing much at all.
I need to move on. I need to.
And that can't happen if we're this close.
Question is, what's more important?
Is moving on and getting over you so important that I'm willing to sacrifice the friendship I've worked so hard to build with you?
Because either way, it'll hurt.
I just needs to know which will hurt less.
I really don't want to lose our closeness :( But I really want to get over you.
You always take me for granted.
:(