bitter sweet
Well, My birthday happened... woohoo. I drank a few beers to stay cool, Hung out with arisse for the night. which i felt bad cause she was in pain from her ear surgery so she didnt completely enjoy herself.
Ive tried different beers, But i dont really like to get very drunk. Just a slight buzz, help me loosen up a bit.
Not too long ago i told my ex-girlfriend Ali, that I regretted meeting her. Due to the fact that she was marrying some guy very soon after our relationship ended. I acted out of anger, and stayed angry for a long time. Although it seemed to help me cope with the fact that we were no longer together, i never really had closure on that part of my life. Which was so pointed out to me by arisse one night. So, I decided i was going to text or email Ali, in order to get some closure, and maybe regain an old friend. Well, i texted her apologizing, She accepted and eventually asked if i wanted to hang out, I said sure. She came over and we drove around for a bit. At some point we got to talking about sex, and how great the sex we had was. I was picking up on the hints she was dropping about us sleeping together.. and eventually i kissed her. We started making out at a school at like 9:30, and then moved to her old apartment she had just moved out of. We ended up having sex on the floor a few times. which btw is painful on carpet, but well worth it. Shortly after i left. We texted back and forth, she lied to her fiance etc etc. We had sex again the next morning, and again the next day. Maybe once more, It's already quite foggy. Anyway, I eventually came to the conclusion that what i was doing was wrong. I mean, maybe not the worst thing in the world you could do, but i like to live by the rule 'do onto others, as you would have them do onto you' Which, at first i didnt realise i wasn't following that rule. But i wouldnt want some guy sleeping with my fiance, so i realised i was doing somthing i felt was wrong.
Ali broke up with her fiance, we hung out. Had a good day. I come to a possible conclusion that im still in love with her, and what went wrong before was that i was just afraid of commitment, and too much of a pussy to handle it.
Ali gets back together with her fiance, and still wants to continue what we had.
what to do dear journal, what to do.
I don't think i'm still in love with her, but who knows.. I do enjoy sleeping with her. being with her. kissing her... I don't think i can continue with her being in a serious relationship. I guess that means i have to call it off.. but im afraid ill be weak.. im afraid ill get in the mood and make the call.. When the wrong head starts thinking, its easy to justify sleeping with somone who is in a relationship. (this is not to be confused with me being able to cheat on somone im in a relationship with.)
I wonder...should i call her fiance? Apparently this dude wants to get to know me.. who knows why. so anyway, i guess this is mostly just to get it into writing, and for my own memories.
Ive tried different beers, But i dont really like to get very drunk. Just a slight buzz, help me loosen up a bit.
Not too long ago i told my ex-girlfriend Ali, that I regretted meeting her. Due to the fact that she was marrying some guy very soon after our relationship ended. I acted out of anger, and stayed angry for a long time. Although it seemed to help me cope with the fact that we were no longer together, i never really had closure on that part of my life. Which was so pointed out to me by arisse one night. So, I decided i was going to text or email Ali, in order to get some closure, and maybe regain an old friend. Well, i texted her apologizing, She accepted and eventually asked if i wanted to hang out, I said sure. She came over and we drove around for a bit. At some point we got to talking about sex, and how great the sex we had was. I was picking up on the hints she was dropping about us sleeping together.. and eventually i kissed her. We started making out at a school at like 9:30, and then moved to her old apartment she had just moved out of. We ended up having sex on the floor a few times. which btw is painful on carpet, but well worth it. Shortly after i left. We texted back and forth, she lied to her fiance etc etc. We had sex again the next morning, and again the next day. Maybe once more, It's already quite foggy. Anyway, I eventually came to the conclusion that what i was doing was wrong. I mean, maybe not the worst thing in the world you could do, but i like to live by the rule 'do onto others, as you would have them do onto you' Which, at first i didnt realise i wasn't following that rule. But i wouldnt want some guy sleeping with my fiance, so i realised i was doing somthing i felt was wrong.
Ali broke up with her fiance, we hung out. Had a good day. I come to a possible conclusion that im still in love with her, and what went wrong before was that i was just afraid of commitment, and too much of a pussy to handle it.
Ali gets back together with her fiance, and still wants to continue what we had.
what to do dear journal, what to do.
I don't think i'm still in love with her, but who knows.. I do enjoy sleeping with her. being with her. kissing her... I don't think i can continue with her being in a serious relationship. I guess that means i have to call it off.. but im afraid ill be weak.. im afraid ill get in the mood and make the call.. When the wrong head starts thinking, its easy to justify sleeping with somone who is in a relationship. (this is not to be confused with me being able to cheat on somone im in a relationship with.)
I wonder...should i call her fiance? Apparently this dude wants to get to know me.. who knows why. so anyway, i guess this is mostly just to get it into writing, and for my own memories.