detox
ooooooooooooooooo!
they are annoying...these things called parents. argh. so. my mother. darling mother. she thinks that its impolite for me to be on the phone for more than half an hour. and so, because of this, i only get to talk to people for half an hour on the phone, which causes issues. because half of my conversations are laughter, or silence, or weird noises, or (in the case of mike) serious debates about all sorts of theological shit. dammit it makes me mad. and right now, i have all of these feelings stored in me, and i cant get them out, and i dont know how to get them out, and oh! i just wish life wasnt complicated. and i wish that parents werent stupid. and i wish i had my licence so that i could just blow this joint and go drive away towards the horizon. damn that would feel nice. to just up and leave. and not tell anyone, or leave a note, or make a single call. and then, when im somewhere really far away, somewhere where they couldnt follow me, i owuld call, and tell them. and then i would laugh. and then, i would come home, because taht is all i know how to do. come home, and deal with shit. aw fuck. shit. i hate dealing with crap. its just not acceptable. and then everyone thinks, "oh, she can handle it. dont worry. we'll just dump it all on kate" sorry folks, i aint made of teflon. my hair is oily, my skin is so un-clear, my laugh is fractured, my soccer skills are minimal, my heart is fragile, my world is held up under a few tent sticks. i dont know how the fuck to deal with anyone, much less myself. and yet, i reach for the things that i want, and i try to help, because somedays, i wish that someone would reach out and help me, and so i try to help them, so when they get that feeling, someone does. and i can live with knowing that i helped someone, or that i made them laugh or smile. its just not damn fair that i have to watch the hearts ache, or the smiles crack. and dammit! i have no right to feel this way, and yet i do. im happier than ive ever been, and yet, i just cant seem to hitch that smile up right now. damn adults. and now im passing the buck, and not accepting the fact that i put too much pressure on myself, and i generally turn down the help. aw fuck. im just a crazed delusional person arent i? ERGH!
they are annoying...these things called parents. argh. so. my mother. darling mother. she thinks that its impolite for me to be on the phone for more than half an hour. and so, because of this, i only get to talk to people for half an hour on the phone, which causes issues. because half of my conversations are laughter, or silence, or weird noises, or (in the case of mike) serious debates about all sorts of theological shit. dammit it makes me mad. and right now, i have all of these feelings stored in me, and i cant get them out, and i dont know how to get them out, and oh! i just wish life wasnt complicated. and i wish that parents werent stupid. and i wish i had my licence so that i could just blow this joint and go drive away towards the horizon. damn that would feel nice. to just up and leave. and not tell anyone, or leave a note, or make a single call. and then, when im somewhere really far away, somewhere where they couldnt follow me, i owuld call, and tell them. and then i would laugh. and then, i would come home, because taht is all i know how to do. come home, and deal with shit. aw fuck. shit. i hate dealing with crap. its just not acceptable. and then everyone thinks, "oh, she can handle it. dont worry. we'll just dump it all on kate" sorry folks, i aint made of teflon. my hair is oily, my skin is so un-clear, my laugh is fractured, my soccer skills are minimal, my heart is fragile, my world is held up under a few tent sticks. i dont know how the fuck to deal with anyone, much less myself. and yet, i reach for the things that i want, and i try to help, because somedays, i wish that someone would reach out and help me, and so i try to help them, so when they get that feeling, someone does. and i can live with knowing that i helped someone, or that i made them laugh or smile. its just not damn fair that i have to watch the hearts ache, or the smiles crack. and dammit! i have no right to feel this way, and yet i do. im happier than ive ever been, and yet, i just cant seem to hitch that smile up right now. damn adults. and now im passing the buck, and not accepting the fact that i put too much pressure on myself, and i generally turn down the help. aw fuck. im just a crazed delusional person arent i? ERGH!