(no subject)
"...And suddenly a calm washed over me.
I'd like to believe I had been doing very well.
When my knees went weak, my tongue kept silent.
When my anxiety got the best of me, I didn't say
something for the sheer need to 'say it' to satisfy
my need. I set rules for myself, and so far, hadn't
broken a single one of them. I had to admire
my self-discipline.
And in doing so, I felt a warm, comforting
hypothetical embrace around me.
I felt what I wanted to feel and heard what I wanted to hear,
without manipulation or anxiety-driven speeches about
'needing answers.'
I swore the truth would be too much to handle, but I had
learned a lot about what I could handle the past few
months. So I decided I was done setting limits for myself.
Plan as I may, try as I might,
shit changes rapidly, like wildfire.
And any chance I have at getting through this,
is to ride the wave, enjoy it while I can,
and when the time is right try to gain some
direction. But today is not that day. When
that day is here, I'll know.
But not today..."