Winds of Change

Oct 07, 2009 22:06

Title: Winds of Change
Pairing: Kris Allen/Adam Lambert (Kradam)
Rating: PG
Summary: It's the night before the Ford Day performance in Detroit, and Kris and Adam are about to be apart for a while. It's time to make some decisions.
Author's Note: I was listening to Kris' studio tracks the other day on the drive to work (thank you christig428 for the CD! <3 ) and a very vivid Kradam scene came into my mind during "To Make You Feel My Love." I probably have listened to the song 20 times in the last few days, and just had to write this story. The song is posted below, if you'd like to listen while reading :)


Adam pulled his iPhone out of his pocket to read the text. Come to my room? He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. He closed his laptop and rose from the desk, checking his face in the mirror before he left his hotel room. He stood in the hallway outside of Kris’ door for two solid minutes, just breathing and steadying himself before knocking on the door. This was their last night together for some time, and Adam was unsure of what words were going to be said. Would any words be said? Or would the last month be swept away like a once-vivid dream forgotten in the bright light of dawn.

It had been both the easiest and the hardest month of his life. Easy, because he finally had Kris; that internal struggle was gone. The lying to himself that cut deeper than lying to someone else ever did. Easy, because it had been Katy that told Kris to figure things out before tour was over and he came home, if that’s what he still wanted. Easy, because Drake had given his blessing, however reluctantly, to Katy before she made that call to Kris, waking him from a restless morning sleep in Hamilton. It was hard because he wasn’t used to keeping his relationships secret. Hard, because he felt guilty and selfish every time utter joy and satisfaction washed over him. And hardest of all because there was not one moment that he didn’t think this would all end soon, and his heart would be more broken than ever before. It would end because Adam, himself, would end it. Somehow, even as he held Kris in his arms on hotel nights, feeling happier and more full of love than ever before, he knew that he would end it. Not because it wasn’t what he wanted; it was becoming more and more clear to him that it was exactly what he wanted. He just could not allow himself to believe that it was what Kris really wanted, what he was ready for. And Adam knew that he loved Kris enough to let him go.

Adam gave Kris a minute to answer the door, and when he didn’t, he pulled the key card out of his pocket and opened the door himself. “Kris?” No response. “Maybe he’s on his way up,” Adam thought to himself as he wandered through the suite. Then a piece of stationary, scrawled with Kris’ writing, caught his attention, resting on the edge of the bed.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I will never do you wrong. I've known it from the moment that we met, there’s no doubt in my mind where you belong.

Adam felt that the words were familiar, and he furrowed his brows and bit the side of his bottom lip while he tried to place it. At the bottom of the paper Kris had written Press play on the CD player xoxo

Adam turned around and stepped to the entertainment console. He bent and pressed play, standing in place as soft piano music began to play. When Kris’ voice poured, heartfelt, from the speakers, he smiled in recognition of the song. He took a few steps backwards, his eyes not moving from the stereo as if he were watching Kris sing the song in person, and sat on the edge of the bed.

He listened to the entire song, every word. And when it ended and there was silence in the room, he stood and played it again. This time, he stood still, his arms hanging at his sides, facing the stereo, just letting the words sink into his mind. He closed his eyes and imagined Kris sitting at a piano, a beautiful, shiny piano in the home they shared, playing and singing the song just for him. It ran through again, and when the silence returned, he reached out and played it for a third time.

When the soft piano began again, gentle arms wrapped around him from behind. Adam was startled, but turned and instinctively put his arms around Kris. He held him at a bit of a distance.

“Where were you?” he asked, softly but somewhat nervously.

“I was hiding. In the closet,” he added, smirking. Adam laughed, and pulled him close and held him as the lyrics began.

“I forgot how beautiful this song was,” he said, simply. Kris didn’t answer; he just snuggled in close to Adam, his face buried in Adam’s shoulder while the song continued.

Then Kris began to sing along softly to the track, looking up into Adam’s eyes. “I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I will never do you wrong. I've known it from the moment that we met, there’s no doubt in my mind where you belong.”

“Did you?”

“I did. Some part of me. I always knew I loved you, somewhere inside of me. It just always felt so easy and right with you.” He sighed. “More than anyone,” he finished, barely a whisper.

Adam smiled, and pulled him in close again, swaying slightly with Kris in his arms.

Looking up again, Kris softly sang along, “The winds of change are blowing wild and free, and you ain't seen nothing like me yet,” he smirked. “I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do, go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you feel my love.”

As the last line of the song played, Adam formed a question in his mind. “You would do anything for me?”

“I would,” Kris answered earnestly, the room now silent.

Still holding Kris in his arms, Adam continued. “Would you go outside right now and tell the first person you saw that you love me?”

“I would.”

“Would you call your boyfriends at MTV and EW and tell them that you love me, and they can tell whoever they want?”

Without hesitation, “I would.”

“Would you tell your mom that you love me?”

“I already have.”

Adam felt some constriction of his throat as he listened to Kris’ words, as he saw the complete, raw honesty in his face. “Would you go on Twitter and tell all your fans that you love me?” he chuckled.

Stone-faced and serious, Kris answered, “I would.”

Staring into his eyes, Adam sought something, anything, that would tell him that Kris didn’t mean those words. That he was kidding himself that this could really be possible. But there was nothing. Nothing but absolute honesty and love.

“I wouldn’t ask you to.”

And that was when Adam realized he had been wrong. Kris did know what he wanted, and he was ready. And there was no chance in hell that he going to let him go. Adam gently pressed his hands to Kris’ throat as he bent down to kiss him. Softly, tenderly, slowly. A kiss that told Kris that he was loved, that Adam wasn’t going anywhere.

~*~*~*~*~

In the morning, finishing the coffee from Kris’ cup, Adam watched Kris from across the room. He fussed with his hair in the mirror, a new habit he picked up recently, before picking up his guitar case.

“So, what do we do next?” Adam asked. Kris stopped, shrugged, and answered, “Dunno.”

“Good, glad to see you’ve got a plan all worked out.” Kris swatted Adam in the back of the head, to which Adam protested, and then laughed.

“But really, I don’t know. I don’t want to make some kind of announcement. It isn’t anybody else’s business. I just want us to be able to be together without everyone in the world knowing. I want something that’s just for us, you know? People know everything about us, but I want this to be ours. But I know how much you hate secrets. I know you try so hard to be completely open, and I get why, but...”

Adam stood from the table and took the guitar case from Kris. He put it on the chair, and took Kris in his arms. “I would do anything for you, baby. This is just for us,” he whispered, running his thumb along Kris’ cheek. “I want that, too. So, that means that, for a while, the show must go on.” Adam knew what that would mean, and the idea of being anything but completely, publicly honest was offensive to him. But this was Kris, and him, and it was worth anything in the world he had to do.

That afternoon, in front of hundreds of people, Adam sang, “If you see me and I’m out with somebody else, seeming like I’m having fun, although they might be cute, there’s no substitute, cause you’re the only permanent one.” Kris caught the spontaneous lyrics change, not quite fitting the melody, and knew what Adam meant. Kris was his permanent one. The one that he had fallen slowly for. The one that he would do anything for. The one that would make the greatest of his dreams come true: to love, and be loved, forever.

image Click to view



When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I will never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There’s no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
Down on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
And you ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love

fan fiction, american idol season 8, slash, adam lambert, kradam, kris allen

Previous post Next post
Up