Windfalls, Chapter Thirteen
I'm sorry I didn't get anything posted last week; I just wasn't in the right headspace to write. To make up for it, I'll be posting two chapters today.
TITLE: Windfalls, Ch. 13
RATING: PG to be on the safe side.
WORD COUNT: 2,353
PAIRING, IF ANY: Horatio Hornblower/Captain Amelia
SPOILER WARNING: None.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing here.
SUMMARY/NOTES: A few talks are in order…
Hornblower wasn’t sure how to respond to the kiss. Part of him, of course, was shocked that she had done such a thing. But the other part of him-the part that had responded when he’d seen her bathing-couldn’t help but feel a little satisfied.
Drake pulled away a moment later, her face flushed. “My deepest apologies, Hornblower,” she said, turning away from him and running her hands through her hair, “I was…overcome.”
Hornblower took her wrist gently. “Look at me, Captain. Please.”
She looked back at him. He smiled a little. “I was not opposed to that kiss.”
Her expression was completely unreadable. “You weren’t?”
“I…” Hornblower couldn’t quite look her in the eye as he said it, “I’ve found myself of late…thinking about you.”
She seemed to grasp his meaning, because when he looked at her again, her eyes had widened slightly. “Do you mean that?”
“Yes,” Hornblower answered, feeling himself blush, “I wasn’t entirely sure what I should do about it. But now that you’ve made the first advance, I suppose that makes it easier to talk about.”
Drake gestured to his desk. “I think we should sit down for this.”
Hornblower agreed and took a seat. Drake took the chair opposite and leaned forward, folding her hands. “It seems only fair to begin by saying that I’ve grown fond of you as well.”
“I’m honored.” Hornblower said, unable to stop himself from admiring the new blush on her cheek. Drake raised her head a little and looked directly into his eyes. Her expression was surprisingly stern. “How far does your fondness go?”
“Pardon?”
“Is this a pleasant diversion for you until your next shoreleave? Or are you serious enough that you would consider courtship?”
Hornblower cleared his throat, giving him time to choose his words. “I am not a man who enters into these sorts of things lightly, Captain Drake. I would not have even brought the subject up if I wasn’t willing to enter some sort of commitment. So yes, I was considering courtship.”
Her eyes actually narrowed. “Are you sure you want to go down this path, Hornblower?”
He reached out and lightly touched his fingers to her arm. “You’re hesitating, Captain Drake. Voice your concerns all at once and let’s not drag this out.”
She nodded. “Yes, you’re right. I’m sorry, I’m still trying to fully grasp our situation here.” Hornblower nodded and looked at her, waiting for her to begin. After a minute’s silence, Drake spoke, her eyes fixed on a point over Hornblower’s shoulder.
“It’s not that I’m disinclined towards you-far from it-but I need to think of the future, yours as well as mine. Here, on the trade routes, with no other ships around, it may seem simple. But there are two forces at work that would make the reality of what we’re suggesting much more complicated. To begin with, there’s the Admiralty. They have charged me to behave as a proper, male, British officer. I must follow the same rules, and face the same consequences. That is especially true when it comes to the Articles of War.”
Hornblower knew at once what she was referring to. “That wouldn’t stop us from writing letters to each other. We’d have to do that anyway, once we went our separate ways. And when the war ends…”
“…then we encounter the second force, one which is much more powerful than any Admiral of the fleet. Society is not kind, Horatio, not to those who violate it in some way. I’m tolerated out here because I’m successful. When I resign, I will have two options; retire quietly to some country home and live out my days on my prize money, or hope that my fortune and my former name is enough to allow the world to overlook my defects. Because I will not put on the wig and live a lie again. Better to raise my head, take what comes, and hope for a happy outcome than live in perpetual fear of my secret being discovered. And if I have you…then that makes my future a little safer.
“Your future, however, would be at risk. I need you to understand this, Hornblower. You’re a rising captain, and you’re damned talented. You’re almost certain to get ahead in the Navy. But all that means is that, once on land, you’ll have more duties and obligations to Society. And Society will look much more kindly on you if you have a wife gracefully hanging off your arm. While I would be more than willing to fulfill that duty, Society would be horrified. A man of such fine standing and promise, willingly chaining himself to a…a damaged individual such as myself? Unheard of! The Admiralty may not think less of you for it, but Society most certainly will. No matter what you and I tried to do, they would always look at us askance. We would never be fully accepted. I am prepared for that, but I am not willing to drag you down with me. I care too much for that.”
She lowered her head again and looked down at her hands, her shoulders falling. Hornblower watched her, his mind processing all that she’d told him. Then he stood up and came round to her end of the desk. “Captain-Amelia-I understand your arguments, and I understand and sympathize with the things you’ve endured that make you feel that way. I also firmly reject them.”
She gasped audibly and looked up at him. He crouched down and took her hand. “When I first joined the Navy as a skinny, seasick boy of seventeen, I was painfully shy. Friends were not easy to come by. If it wasn’t for Archie Kennedy, I might have driven myself mad.”
She smiled a little at that. Encouraged, Hornblower pressed on. “But when Archie was gone, I had to learn, quickly, to overcome my shyness, because the Navy had no patience for that sort of behavior. I don’t deny that I still have some of those tendencies, but it’s become easier and easier to keep them at bay. Do you understand my point?”
There was a moment’s silence. Then Amelia slowly got to her feet, dragging Hornblower up with her. “I understand you, Hornblower, I really do. But Society…”
“You took off your wig here in the Navy, and most everyone seems to accept you for who you are. I think society is just going to have to get used to you, because you have just as much right to be there as I do.”
Amelia’s smile warmed him to the core. “Thank you, Horatio. You have a way with words.”
“I just felt they needed to be said,” he answered, his heart starting to pound again as Amelia slid her arms around his neck and drew herself close, “And now that they’ve been said, what do you want to do?”
“I make no promises,” she said as she put her lips against his again, “But I believe a courtship is worth trying out.”
***
Amelia eventually left Hornblower’s cabin to pay a visit to Archie. Hornblower remained at his desk, mulling over everything. She was right, of course, that there would be consequences, but at the moment, there was no need to worry about them. First and foremost, they needed to decide how much they were willing to invest in each other. It was all well and good for them to feel romantic towards each other when they were in such close proximity, but distance and time might change their feelings. Amelia knew it as well as he did. Despite their displays earlier, they’d both agreed to take it slow. Satisfied, for now, Hornblower got up from his desk and rang Polwheal for a cup of coffee. He’d make another tour of the ship to check on repairs, then perhaps he’d look in on Archie for himself.
When he got to the infirmary, he heard Amelia’s voice and refrained from opening the curtain. He couldn’t help but eavesdrop, however. “…totally irresponsible of you, Kennedy, which I’m sure you well know.”
“Yes, Captain,” Archie said, sounding appropriately shamed, “I’m aware of it.”
“Would you mind telling me why you never said anything about it to me or Dr. Olster? I checked with him, and he says he’d never heard of your condition, although it’s now blatantly obvious in hindsight. Was it really so important to keep it a secret?”
“It didn’t seem like much of a hindrance when I rejoined the service. And what did it matter if I was more breathless than the rest of the crew after a battle? Other sailors have coped with injuries much worse than mine.”
There was silence for a few minutes; Hornblower had the distinct impression that Amelia was looking Archie over. Then she spoke again. “This cannot happen again, Kennedy. With this injury, and your temperament, it is unwise to keep you as my first lieutenant.”
“Captain!” Archie gasped, sounding horrified, “You’re not going to discharge me?”
“No,” Amelia answered, “I’m recommending you for promotion to commander.”
Hornblower was taken aback. So was Archie, apparently; “You…what?”
“A commander is able to set his own pace, and is generally smart enough to stay out of harm’s way in the midst of battle, my own example notwithstanding. You’re less likely to run into trouble with your breathing if you’re just shouting orders from a quarterdeck. And since you seem capable of controlling your fits, I believe you’re long overdue for a new position.”
“But your crew!”
“I’m sure I can find a new junior lieutenant to join the Legacy, and the rest can gain a rank. They won’t object, I assure you.”
Another silence. Then, “Thank you, Captain,” Archie said quietly, “It’s kind of you to do this.”
“I owe you, Archie,” Amelia answered, her own voice soft, “You took on the job of first lieutenant despite the fact that you were with a chained captain. And you’ve always been willing to accept me as I am. In the early days, that meant a lot to me. I…I don’t know if I ever told you that.”
“It was my pleasure, Amelia. You’re not the only one who had a lot to overcome.”
Hornblower smiled and crept away; this was a conversation best left to the two of them. He’d look in on his old friend later.
***
Another two weeks passed, during which the two ships encountered nothing of interest. It was what went on between the ships that was interesting. Archie recovered enough for him to be moved, gingerly, back to the Legacy, where he was confined to light duties until he could lift his arm without wincing. The Sutherland’s repairs were finally completed. And the signal flags for “Captain requests permission to come aboard” went up nightly.
Hornblower and Amelia took turns hosting each other for dinner. Sometimes the first lieutenants joined, sometimes it was just the two of them. But it always ended the same way; the two of them sitting next to each other, hands touching, as they talked. Their conversations were personal but inconsequential-interests, favorite books, education-yet both of them knew that it was a form of courtship, and treated it with respect. At the end of the evening, before they left the cabin, they would kiss, carefully, and press hands before they opened the door. Hornblower was quite sure both crews knew what was going on, but as long as they made a pretense of being discreet, he refused to let himself get embarrassed.
As they entered the third week, another supply ship arrived. In addition to fresh water, fruit, and letters from home, both captains received a new set of orders. Hornblower opened his as soon as he was back in his cabin, and learned that he was to set out the next day and rejoin the fleet. They needed him back with the fleet to provide a little firepower. Hornblower had known an order like this was inevitable, but it still stung to read the words.
Amelia’s expression when she came forward to greet him that evening told him that she already knew what the orders said. “When?” she asked, once her door was closed.
“Tomorrow.”
She nodded. “I’m to leave tomorrow too. I have to recover the crewmen I sent off on the prize ships, and then I’ve been given two weeks leave. After that…I’ll probably be sent back here, unless the situation with France becomes desperate.”
Hornblower wasn’t sure what to say. Amelia gave him a small smile. “Well, no use complaining about it; it was bound to come eventually.”
“We write?”
“We write,” Amelia agreed, “And we wait and see. And until then…”
She moved to her desk, where she picked up her ornate chest. “Take it,” she said, placing it into Hornblower’s hands, “Keep it as a reminder. Maybe it’ll bring you good luck too.”
“Amelia, I couldn’t possibly…”
“It’s mine to do with as I see fit. And I’m giving it to you. All I ask is, if we decide to end the courtship, that you send it back to me.”
Hornblower knew that he shouldn’t argue. “As you wish, Captain Drake. I suppose I should give you something of mine as well.”
“If you want to, that’s lovely. But it isn’t necessary. I have a reminder of you pacing my decks, going slowly mad over his lack of duties.”
Hornblower laughed lightly. Amelia took his hand and led him to the table. “Well, shall we have dinner then?”
Dinner passed much as the others had. It was the ending that was a little different. As they stood to leave, Amelia pressed her hand to his cheek and gave him a much deeper kiss. He returned it, hands resting against her back. When they broke apart, she looked him directly in the eyes. “Be careful, Horatio.”
“I will. Promise me you’ll do the same.”
“Of course.”
Hornblower took her box and tucked it under his arm. “Godspeed, Captain Drake.”
She leaned against her doorframe, watching him go. “Fair winds, Captain Hornblower.”
Also, in accordance with the new rules on despatches, all previous chapters can be found by clicking on the "author: Ioanite" tag, and I'll make a masterpost of all the chapters when the story is finished.
The second chapter should be up in an hour or two.
TITLE: Windfalls, Ch. 13
RATING: PG to be on the safe side.
WORD COUNT: 2,353
PAIRING, IF ANY: Horatio Hornblower/Captain Amelia
SPOILER WARNING: None.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing here.
SUMMARY/NOTES: A few talks are in order…
Hornblower wasn’t sure how to respond to the kiss. Part of him, of course, was shocked that she had done such a thing. But the other part of him-the part that had responded when he’d seen her bathing-couldn’t help but feel a little satisfied.
Drake pulled away a moment later, her face flushed. “My deepest apologies, Hornblower,” she said, turning away from him and running her hands through her hair, “I was…overcome.”
Hornblower took her wrist gently. “Look at me, Captain. Please.”
She looked back at him. He smiled a little. “I was not opposed to that kiss.”
Her expression was completely unreadable. “You weren’t?”
“I…” Hornblower couldn’t quite look her in the eye as he said it, “I’ve found myself of late…thinking about you.”
She seemed to grasp his meaning, because when he looked at her again, her eyes had widened slightly. “Do you mean that?”
“Yes,” Hornblower answered, feeling himself blush, “I wasn’t entirely sure what I should do about it. But now that you’ve made the first advance, I suppose that makes it easier to talk about.”
Drake gestured to his desk. “I think we should sit down for this.”
Hornblower agreed and took a seat. Drake took the chair opposite and leaned forward, folding her hands. “It seems only fair to begin by saying that I’ve grown fond of you as well.”
“I’m honored.” Hornblower said, unable to stop himself from admiring the new blush on her cheek. Drake raised her head a little and looked directly into his eyes. Her expression was surprisingly stern. “How far does your fondness go?”
“Pardon?”
“Is this a pleasant diversion for you until your next shoreleave? Or are you serious enough that you would consider courtship?”
Hornblower cleared his throat, giving him time to choose his words. “I am not a man who enters into these sorts of things lightly, Captain Drake. I would not have even brought the subject up if I wasn’t willing to enter some sort of commitment. So yes, I was considering courtship.”
Her eyes actually narrowed. “Are you sure you want to go down this path, Hornblower?”
He reached out and lightly touched his fingers to her arm. “You’re hesitating, Captain Drake. Voice your concerns all at once and let’s not drag this out.”
She nodded. “Yes, you’re right. I’m sorry, I’m still trying to fully grasp our situation here.” Hornblower nodded and looked at her, waiting for her to begin. After a minute’s silence, Drake spoke, her eyes fixed on a point over Hornblower’s shoulder.
“It’s not that I’m disinclined towards you-far from it-but I need to think of the future, yours as well as mine. Here, on the trade routes, with no other ships around, it may seem simple. But there are two forces at work that would make the reality of what we’re suggesting much more complicated. To begin with, there’s the Admiralty. They have charged me to behave as a proper, male, British officer. I must follow the same rules, and face the same consequences. That is especially true when it comes to the Articles of War.”
Hornblower knew at once what she was referring to. “That wouldn’t stop us from writing letters to each other. We’d have to do that anyway, once we went our separate ways. And when the war ends…”
“…then we encounter the second force, one which is much more powerful than any Admiral of the fleet. Society is not kind, Horatio, not to those who violate it in some way. I’m tolerated out here because I’m successful. When I resign, I will have two options; retire quietly to some country home and live out my days on my prize money, or hope that my fortune and my former name is enough to allow the world to overlook my defects. Because I will not put on the wig and live a lie again. Better to raise my head, take what comes, and hope for a happy outcome than live in perpetual fear of my secret being discovered. And if I have you…then that makes my future a little safer.
“Your future, however, would be at risk. I need you to understand this, Hornblower. You’re a rising captain, and you’re damned talented. You’re almost certain to get ahead in the Navy. But all that means is that, once on land, you’ll have more duties and obligations to Society. And Society will look much more kindly on you if you have a wife gracefully hanging off your arm. While I would be more than willing to fulfill that duty, Society would be horrified. A man of such fine standing and promise, willingly chaining himself to a…a damaged individual such as myself? Unheard of! The Admiralty may not think less of you for it, but Society most certainly will. No matter what you and I tried to do, they would always look at us askance. We would never be fully accepted. I am prepared for that, but I am not willing to drag you down with me. I care too much for that.”
She lowered her head again and looked down at her hands, her shoulders falling. Hornblower watched her, his mind processing all that she’d told him. Then he stood up and came round to her end of the desk. “Captain-Amelia-I understand your arguments, and I understand and sympathize with the things you’ve endured that make you feel that way. I also firmly reject them.”
She gasped audibly and looked up at him. He crouched down and took her hand. “When I first joined the Navy as a skinny, seasick boy of seventeen, I was painfully shy. Friends were not easy to come by. If it wasn’t for Archie Kennedy, I might have driven myself mad.”
She smiled a little at that. Encouraged, Hornblower pressed on. “But when Archie was gone, I had to learn, quickly, to overcome my shyness, because the Navy had no patience for that sort of behavior. I don’t deny that I still have some of those tendencies, but it’s become easier and easier to keep them at bay. Do you understand my point?”
There was a moment’s silence. Then Amelia slowly got to her feet, dragging Hornblower up with her. “I understand you, Hornblower, I really do. But Society…”
“You took off your wig here in the Navy, and most everyone seems to accept you for who you are. I think society is just going to have to get used to you, because you have just as much right to be there as I do.”
Amelia’s smile warmed him to the core. “Thank you, Horatio. You have a way with words.”
“I just felt they needed to be said,” he answered, his heart starting to pound again as Amelia slid her arms around his neck and drew herself close, “And now that they’ve been said, what do you want to do?”
“I make no promises,” she said as she put her lips against his again, “But I believe a courtship is worth trying out.”
***
Amelia eventually left Hornblower’s cabin to pay a visit to Archie. Hornblower remained at his desk, mulling over everything. She was right, of course, that there would be consequences, but at the moment, there was no need to worry about them. First and foremost, they needed to decide how much they were willing to invest in each other. It was all well and good for them to feel romantic towards each other when they were in such close proximity, but distance and time might change their feelings. Amelia knew it as well as he did. Despite their displays earlier, they’d both agreed to take it slow. Satisfied, for now, Hornblower got up from his desk and rang Polwheal for a cup of coffee. He’d make another tour of the ship to check on repairs, then perhaps he’d look in on Archie for himself.
When he got to the infirmary, he heard Amelia’s voice and refrained from opening the curtain. He couldn’t help but eavesdrop, however. “…totally irresponsible of you, Kennedy, which I’m sure you well know.”
“Yes, Captain,” Archie said, sounding appropriately shamed, “I’m aware of it.”
“Would you mind telling me why you never said anything about it to me or Dr. Olster? I checked with him, and he says he’d never heard of your condition, although it’s now blatantly obvious in hindsight. Was it really so important to keep it a secret?”
“It didn’t seem like much of a hindrance when I rejoined the service. And what did it matter if I was more breathless than the rest of the crew after a battle? Other sailors have coped with injuries much worse than mine.”
There was silence for a few minutes; Hornblower had the distinct impression that Amelia was looking Archie over. Then she spoke again. “This cannot happen again, Kennedy. With this injury, and your temperament, it is unwise to keep you as my first lieutenant.”
“Captain!” Archie gasped, sounding horrified, “You’re not going to discharge me?”
“No,” Amelia answered, “I’m recommending you for promotion to commander.”
Hornblower was taken aback. So was Archie, apparently; “You…what?”
“A commander is able to set his own pace, and is generally smart enough to stay out of harm’s way in the midst of battle, my own example notwithstanding. You’re less likely to run into trouble with your breathing if you’re just shouting orders from a quarterdeck. And since you seem capable of controlling your fits, I believe you’re long overdue for a new position.”
“But your crew!”
“I’m sure I can find a new junior lieutenant to join the Legacy, and the rest can gain a rank. They won’t object, I assure you.”
Another silence. Then, “Thank you, Captain,” Archie said quietly, “It’s kind of you to do this.”
“I owe you, Archie,” Amelia answered, her own voice soft, “You took on the job of first lieutenant despite the fact that you were with a chained captain. And you’ve always been willing to accept me as I am. In the early days, that meant a lot to me. I…I don’t know if I ever told you that.”
“It was my pleasure, Amelia. You’re not the only one who had a lot to overcome.”
Hornblower smiled and crept away; this was a conversation best left to the two of them. He’d look in on his old friend later.
***
Another two weeks passed, during which the two ships encountered nothing of interest. It was what went on between the ships that was interesting. Archie recovered enough for him to be moved, gingerly, back to the Legacy, where he was confined to light duties until he could lift his arm without wincing. The Sutherland’s repairs were finally completed. And the signal flags for “Captain requests permission to come aboard” went up nightly.
Hornblower and Amelia took turns hosting each other for dinner. Sometimes the first lieutenants joined, sometimes it was just the two of them. But it always ended the same way; the two of them sitting next to each other, hands touching, as they talked. Their conversations were personal but inconsequential-interests, favorite books, education-yet both of them knew that it was a form of courtship, and treated it with respect. At the end of the evening, before they left the cabin, they would kiss, carefully, and press hands before they opened the door. Hornblower was quite sure both crews knew what was going on, but as long as they made a pretense of being discreet, he refused to let himself get embarrassed.
As they entered the third week, another supply ship arrived. In addition to fresh water, fruit, and letters from home, both captains received a new set of orders. Hornblower opened his as soon as he was back in his cabin, and learned that he was to set out the next day and rejoin the fleet. They needed him back with the fleet to provide a little firepower. Hornblower had known an order like this was inevitable, but it still stung to read the words.
Amelia’s expression when she came forward to greet him that evening told him that she already knew what the orders said. “When?” she asked, once her door was closed.
“Tomorrow.”
She nodded. “I’m to leave tomorrow too. I have to recover the crewmen I sent off on the prize ships, and then I’ve been given two weeks leave. After that…I’ll probably be sent back here, unless the situation with France becomes desperate.”
Hornblower wasn’t sure what to say. Amelia gave him a small smile. “Well, no use complaining about it; it was bound to come eventually.”
“We write?”
“We write,” Amelia agreed, “And we wait and see. And until then…”
She moved to her desk, where she picked up her ornate chest. “Take it,” she said, placing it into Hornblower’s hands, “Keep it as a reminder. Maybe it’ll bring you good luck too.”
“Amelia, I couldn’t possibly…”
“It’s mine to do with as I see fit. And I’m giving it to you. All I ask is, if we decide to end the courtship, that you send it back to me.”
Hornblower knew that he shouldn’t argue. “As you wish, Captain Drake. I suppose I should give you something of mine as well.”
“If you want to, that’s lovely. But it isn’t necessary. I have a reminder of you pacing my decks, going slowly mad over his lack of duties.”
Hornblower laughed lightly. Amelia took his hand and led him to the table. “Well, shall we have dinner then?”
Dinner passed much as the others had. It was the ending that was a little different. As they stood to leave, Amelia pressed her hand to his cheek and gave him a much deeper kiss. He returned it, hands resting against her back. When they broke apart, she looked him directly in the eyes. “Be careful, Horatio.”
“I will. Promise me you’ll do the same.”
“Of course.”
Hornblower took her box and tucked it under his arm. “Godspeed, Captain Drake.”
She leaned against her doorframe, watching him go. “Fair winds, Captain Hornblower.”
Also, in accordance with the new rules on despatches, all previous chapters can be found by clicking on the "author: Ioanite" tag, and I'll make a masterpost of all the chapters when the story is finished.
The second chapter should be up in an hour or two.