7 Deadly Sins - Gluttony by Esmerelda_t
AUTHOR: esmerelda_t
TITLE: Gluttony
SIN:Gluttony
RATING: G
PAIRING: Horatio/Archie, Bartholomew/Saturated Fats
WORD COUNT: 925
WARNINGS: None
DISCLAIMER: Don’t own, don’t profit, blah blah blah
SUMMARY: Master Bartholomew Kennedy-Hornblower cordially invites you to observe his dining habits, as long as you keep your sticky fingers away from his cake.
Bartholomew returns from the garden after attending to his morning ablutions and is greeted by the smell of breakfast sizzling in the pan. His investigation over at the stove is rapidly hindered by Mrs. Abercrombie shooing him away with a cry of, “Wait till it’s served at least you greedy little bugger!” Bartholomew would not be easily dissuaded if not for the fact he finds himself scooped up by Lucy; the girl who helps Mrs. Abercrombie. Lucy is far more pleased to see him than Mrs. Abercrombie, “Good Morning, Barty!”
Bartholomew licks her hand in greeting, Good Morning, dear girl! Lucy kisses his nose before exhaling loudly and placing Bartholomew back on the ground, “He gets heavier by the day, Mrs. A? Don’t he?”
Bartholomew chooses to ignore that remark, after all poor little Lucy is all skin and bone, as he heads for the dining room to await his breakfast.
~
After an excellent breakfast of ham, eggs and fried mushrooms, Bartholomew is free to attend to his daily duty of taking Lord Hornblower for his walk in the park. They promenade along their usual route until it is time to take their respite on their favorite bench. Mrs. Abercrombie has packed a light snack of cheese and apple for them, which Bartholomew is enjoying greatly, when they are approached by a familiar pair.
“Captain Frith! How delightful to meet you here, and Monty! Hello, Monty!”
Bartholomew glares first at Captain Frith, who Lord Hornblower is so enthusiastically greeting, and then Monty. Bartholomew’s Daddy is generally displeased when they meet Captain Frith, and often does not talk to Lord Hornblower until luncheon as a result. Monty, Captain Frith’s Irish Setter, is a gaunt, joyless, creature. Not that Lord Hornblower seems to notice, Bartholomew has heard him describe Monty as ‘wonderfully handsome, sleek, dog’ to Captain Bush, just proving Bartholomew’s Daddy’s point about Lord Hornblower’s eyesight.
Lord Hornblower holds out a palm containing cheese and apple to Monty, “Would you like some, Monty?”
Bartholomew barks at that, Sir, I must protest! Offering my cheese to this mangy hound?!
Lord Hornblower ignores him though. Monty merely sniffs the food and takes the apple. Bartholomew vows to jump into the first puddle of mud he finds on the way home.
~
The end result of Bartholomew’s mud soaked revenge on the way home is to be dunked in the bath by Lord Hornblower on their return home. He is then given to Mrs. Abercrombie to be combed and of course his protesting yelp of Madame! Really! when she proceeds to comb his undercarriage is ignored. On his release from the indignity of it all he makes his way into the hall, just in time to see the door opening.
Daddy! Daddy! Daaaddy!
Bartholomew’s Daddy is sitting down to remove his boots when Bartholomew reaches him, Bartholomew throws himself into his arms and is greeted with, “Hello, my treasure! Oh dear, you’re damp, he’s not been giving you another bath has he?”
Bartholomew licks his Daddy’s face in reply.
~
Lord Hornblower is admonished over an excellent lunch of lemon sole and hollandaise sauce, accompanied by asparagus and roast potatoes. Bartholomew’s Daddy always says that a meal is not a meal without roast potatoes and Bartholomew quite agrees.
“Really, Horatio, there’s no reason to bathe him as often as you do! My father’s gillie always said if God had meant for dogs to have regular baths then they’d be able to fill up the tubs themselves.”
Lord Hornblower waves his fork as he replies, Bartholomew is most interested in the roast potato at the other end of it, “I would not need to bathe him so often, Archibald, if the rotten little bugger wasn’t constantly diving into mud just to vex me!”
“Nonsense! You drive him to it! He probably finds the mud quite soothing on his poor water logged fur!”
The mention of the mud reminds Bartholomew and he interjects with a bark, He tried to give Monty my cheese! This draws Lord Hornblower’s attention to him, promptly causing him to sigh, picks up a napkin and proclaim, “You’ve got sauce all over your snout, hold still, and watch your ears don’t get in it!”
Bartholomew consents to have his face wiped as after all he has already suffered one bath today.
~
After lunch Lord Hornblower departs for a game of cards at his club and so Bartholomew joins his Daddy in the morning room to accompany him on the trombone with a song or two.
Come get your duds in order
For we're going to leave tomorrow
Heave away, me jollies, heave away
Come get your duds in order
For we're going to cross the water
Heave away me jolly boys, we're all bound away
They are eventually interrupted by Mrs. Abercrombie bringing in afternoon tea, “Was that Master Bartholomew howling or is your gout playing up again?”
Bartholomew’s Daddy pets Bartholomew’s head as Bartholomew preens happily, “He wasn’t howling he was singing! Weren’t you, my treasure?”
Bartholomew replies in the affirmative as he jumps down from the chaise to cross to where Mrs. Abercrombie is setting up platters for tea, unless Bartholomew’s nose is deceiving him he believes he can smell sardines! He also believes he can see a rather fine sponge cake to accompany their sandwiches. Nothing works up the appetite like an afternoon of genteel music. After tea he thinks he will have a nap, after all, he must be rested for supper.
Bartholomew’s musical number is from ‘Heave Away’, and was found via google at Shanties and Sea Songs
TITLE: Gluttony
SIN:Gluttony
RATING: G
PAIRING: Horatio/Archie, Bartholomew/Saturated Fats
WORD COUNT: 925
WARNINGS: None
DISCLAIMER: Don’t own, don’t profit, blah blah blah
SUMMARY: Master Bartholomew Kennedy-Hornblower cordially invites you to observe his dining habits, as long as you keep your sticky fingers away from his cake.
Bartholomew returns from the garden after attending to his morning ablutions and is greeted by the smell of breakfast sizzling in the pan. His investigation over at the stove is rapidly hindered by Mrs. Abercrombie shooing him away with a cry of, “Wait till it’s served at least you greedy little bugger!” Bartholomew would not be easily dissuaded if not for the fact he finds himself scooped up by Lucy; the girl who helps Mrs. Abercrombie. Lucy is far more pleased to see him than Mrs. Abercrombie, “Good Morning, Barty!”
Bartholomew licks her hand in greeting, Good Morning, dear girl! Lucy kisses his nose before exhaling loudly and placing Bartholomew back on the ground, “He gets heavier by the day, Mrs. A? Don’t he?”
Bartholomew chooses to ignore that remark, after all poor little Lucy is all skin and bone, as he heads for the dining room to await his breakfast.
~
After an excellent breakfast of ham, eggs and fried mushrooms, Bartholomew is free to attend to his daily duty of taking Lord Hornblower for his walk in the park. They promenade along their usual route until it is time to take their respite on their favorite bench. Mrs. Abercrombie has packed a light snack of cheese and apple for them, which Bartholomew is enjoying greatly, when they are approached by a familiar pair.
“Captain Frith! How delightful to meet you here, and Monty! Hello, Monty!”
Bartholomew glares first at Captain Frith, who Lord Hornblower is so enthusiastically greeting, and then Monty. Bartholomew’s Daddy is generally displeased when they meet Captain Frith, and often does not talk to Lord Hornblower until luncheon as a result. Monty, Captain Frith’s Irish Setter, is a gaunt, joyless, creature. Not that Lord Hornblower seems to notice, Bartholomew has heard him describe Monty as ‘wonderfully handsome, sleek, dog’ to Captain Bush, just proving Bartholomew’s Daddy’s point about Lord Hornblower’s eyesight.
Lord Hornblower holds out a palm containing cheese and apple to Monty, “Would you like some, Monty?”
Bartholomew barks at that, Sir, I must protest! Offering my cheese to this mangy hound?!
Lord Hornblower ignores him though. Monty merely sniffs the food and takes the apple. Bartholomew vows to jump into the first puddle of mud he finds on the way home.
~
The end result of Bartholomew’s mud soaked revenge on the way home is to be dunked in the bath by Lord Hornblower on their return home. He is then given to Mrs. Abercrombie to be combed and of course his protesting yelp of Madame! Really! when she proceeds to comb his undercarriage is ignored. On his release from the indignity of it all he makes his way into the hall, just in time to see the door opening.
Daddy! Daddy! Daaaddy!
Bartholomew’s Daddy is sitting down to remove his boots when Bartholomew reaches him, Bartholomew throws himself into his arms and is greeted with, “Hello, my treasure! Oh dear, you’re damp, he’s not been giving you another bath has he?”
Bartholomew licks his Daddy’s face in reply.
~
Lord Hornblower is admonished over an excellent lunch of lemon sole and hollandaise sauce, accompanied by asparagus and roast potatoes. Bartholomew’s Daddy always says that a meal is not a meal without roast potatoes and Bartholomew quite agrees.
“Really, Horatio, there’s no reason to bathe him as often as you do! My father’s gillie always said if God had meant for dogs to have regular baths then they’d be able to fill up the tubs themselves.”
Lord Hornblower waves his fork as he replies, Bartholomew is most interested in the roast potato at the other end of it, “I would not need to bathe him so often, Archibald, if the rotten little bugger wasn’t constantly diving into mud just to vex me!”
“Nonsense! You drive him to it! He probably finds the mud quite soothing on his poor water logged fur!”
The mention of the mud reminds Bartholomew and he interjects with a bark, He tried to give Monty my cheese! This draws Lord Hornblower’s attention to him, promptly causing him to sigh, picks up a napkin and proclaim, “You’ve got sauce all over your snout, hold still, and watch your ears don’t get in it!”
Bartholomew consents to have his face wiped as after all he has already suffered one bath today.
~
After lunch Lord Hornblower departs for a game of cards at his club and so Bartholomew joins his Daddy in the morning room to accompany him on the trombone with a song or two.
Come get your duds in order
For we're going to leave tomorrow
Heave away, me jollies, heave away
Come get your duds in order
For we're going to cross the water
Heave away me jolly boys, we're all bound away
They are eventually interrupted by Mrs. Abercrombie bringing in afternoon tea, “Was that Master Bartholomew howling or is your gout playing up again?”
Bartholomew’s Daddy pets Bartholomew’s head as Bartholomew preens happily, “He wasn’t howling he was singing! Weren’t you, my treasure?”
Bartholomew replies in the affirmative as he jumps down from the chaise to cross to where Mrs. Abercrombie is setting up platters for tea, unless Bartholomew’s nose is deceiving him he believes he can smell sardines! He also believes he can see a rather fine sponge cake to accompany their sandwiches. Nothing works up the appetite like an afternoon of genteel music. After tea he thinks he will have a nap, after all, he must be rested for supper.
Bartholomew’s musical number is from ‘Heave Away’, and was found via google at Shanties and Sea Songs