94: muse_diaries Entry 9
We were sitting in a room at Baltimore County.
Dad had been shot while he was serving a search warrant on a rowhouse downtown; the usual resisting by a suspect kind of thing. Bullet had wedged in his shoulder, and they'd dug it out, wrapped him up, and he was sleeping it off. We'd all gathered around. Mom was already there, obviously, and Kevin and Lisa met me at the hospital. Dad was gonna be fine. We just had to wait for him to wake up.
The attending told us he'd sleep for awhile, so that we should probably all go home and he'd probably be discharged in the morning. I remember Kevin had to turn in early because of some senior staff meeting, still jet lagged from some trip to the Dominican Republic. Lisa went with him, because she was staying with him while she was in town. That left me sitting with Dad. I looked at my father and I couldn't stand the silence, I just started talking about how I wanted to be a cop, and how I was scared of living up to his reputation. (I still am scared of living up to his reputation.)
My mom came back to see me sitting there. "You're going to have to learn to make decisions without his help," she told me gently. "Because one day you know he's not going to be here."
"I know," I said, wiping at my eyes. "It's just habit to talk to him about everything."
Then one day Dad wasn't there anymore. Then one day, instead of Dad, there was me. I became him. I started walking down the same path that he had walked for his entire life.
I don't think I've ever been the same since.
I decided to fall in love with my partner. I decided to move in with him. I decided to marry him. I wonder now if this is what my mother meant.
Dad had been shot while he was serving a search warrant on a rowhouse downtown; the usual resisting by a suspect kind of thing. Bullet had wedged in his shoulder, and they'd dug it out, wrapped him up, and he was sleeping it off. We'd all gathered around. Mom was already there, obviously, and Kevin and Lisa met me at the hospital. Dad was gonna be fine. We just had to wait for him to wake up.
The attending told us he'd sleep for awhile, so that we should probably all go home and he'd probably be discharged in the morning. I remember Kevin had to turn in early because of some senior staff meeting, still jet lagged from some trip to the Dominican Republic. Lisa went with him, because she was staying with him while she was in town. That left me sitting with Dad. I looked at my father and I couldn't stand the silence, I just started talking about how I wanted to be a cop, and how I was scared of living up to his reputation. (I still am scared of living up to his reputation.)
My mom came back to see me sitting there. "You're going to have to learn to make decisions without his help," she told me gently. "Because one day you know he's not going to be here."
"I know," I said, wiping at my eyes. "It's just habit to talk to him about everything."
Then one day Dad wasn't there anymore. Then one day, instead of Dad, there was me. I became him. I started walking down the same path that he had walked for his entire life.
I don't think I've ever been the same since.
I decided to fall in love with my partner. I decided to move in with him. I decided to marry him. I wonder now if this is what my mother meant.