40 : Game Theory
Virginia Commonwealth University
Richmond, Virginia
As she stepped out of her Impala in the VCU visitor's parking lot, Stark eyed her phone and then her watch. It would only be a matter of time before John called her when she didn't show up in the basement like clockwork. She knew she didn't have much time. But just the thought of him made her heart twist a little, and she remembered why she'd come in the first place.
Chris Gabriel was one of the people who had helped make her who she was. He was the son of Jeff Gabriel, her lead force instructor at Quantico. Chris and Stark had dated when she was at the academy, and she really had come to love him. However, once she'd gotten inundated with work at Criminal Investigations (dammit, there was another weird coincidence), they'd agreed to go their separate ways. It had been an amicable breakup; she still talked to him and his father when she had the chance. But he was the last person to get too close to her. She needed that now.
She knew where the political science building was; she'd been here once or twice before. VCU was a good school, one that she wouldn't have turned down attending herself if she hadn't been so much of a hometown girl. Chris had gone on to teach undergraduate criminal justice, and he had an office on the fourth floor that was easy enough to find after consulting a few directories. She took a deep breath and knocked on the open doorframe before she stepped in.
"Hey," he said, standing out of his chair to pull her into a hug. "You look good."
"No, I don't," she said with a laugh. "I look like I've been up all night. Which I have." She rubbed her temples. That was going to come back and bite her in the ass later in the work day, she just knew it.
"That doesn't mean you're not still beautiful," he chided her, before he moved past her to close the door. Having taken her call the night before, he knew that something wasn't right. "What's on your mind, Stark?"
Stark hesitated. And then she spit it out. "This is going to be really awkward, Chris," she admitted, turning around slightly so she could look him in the eye. "I've got...there's a complicated...there's somebody else and I don't know what to do."
That made him chuckle. "Stark, it's not that awkward. We've been broken up for at least three years," he reminded her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and steered her toward the chair opposite his desk. Pulling his desk chair around, he continued, "What's up? You're not the kind of girl who lets personal stuff bother you so much. Last time I saw you this spooked was when they ran those night scenario exams."
She laughed at that. She'd been so nervous about that she'd almost thought she was going to be ill. In the end, she'd gotten the highest grade in the class. "It's really kind of insane, Chris," she found herself saying. "He's a really great guy. I mean, really. I cannot say enough good things about him. He's always been here for me, and he knows me better than I know myself. We're so close. And he's got a thing for me, so it's not that. I mean, we slept together on the first date...okay, it wasn't even really a date."
"I'm still not seeing the problem here."
"The problem is it's the wrong guy," she admitted, running a hand through her hair and averting her eyes as a blush flooded her cheeks. "It's the absolute wrong guy. The last guy that I should be doing this with."
There went her phone, just to remind her. She ignored it.
Chris arched an eyebrow, but didn't push her. She trusted him because of that; he was always so gentle. "What do you mean, it's the wrong guy?" he asked her. "I'm pretty sure that's not true unless you're dating like, a serial killer, and girl, you've got standards, right?" he quipped.
She chuckled, but when she met his eyes she was serious. "It's my partner," she said. "I'm sleeping with my partner."
He swallowed then, seeing the inevitable conflict of interest that Stark herself had mulled over in her head a half-dozen times. She'd thought about it before she got involved with John. She'd thought about it the night they'd slept together. It hadn't really left her mind since. Being caught could get them both fired, and she didn't want that to happen to him. (She was of less consequence.) Not to mention that if they split? It could get awkward in a hurry. Not to mention very uncomfortable.
But before he could say anything, Stark found herself talking. It didn't make any sense and it was all in a rush, but she did, standing from the chair and pacing a little bit. If she smoked at all, she'd be lighting up right then just to calm her nerves.
"And that's the thing. This isn't me. It isn't. Okay, I take risks, and I make some boneheaded choices sometimes, but I don't jump into bed with people. I mean, how long did it take us before we slept together?"
"Um...like a month."
"Exactly! I slept with him the same day. Literally. I got off the phone from telling my mother I wasn't sleeping with him, and then the next conversation we have, he's kissing me and then I end up taking him home and..." She trailed off in an exasperated sigh. "I don't do this. Not with anybody and not with the most important person in my life."
"But," Chris said leadingly. There had obviously been some reason why Stark had thrown her usually bulletproof sensibilities to the wind on this particular occasion. She rarely got drunk enough for it to affect her judgment, so he knew it had to have been a conscious decision on her part.
"But he's different." She stopped pacing then and looked out his office window, before she looked at the floor. Maybe it would be easier to say if she wasn't looking at anyone. If she could just focus. "He's always been different. And I don't know what he wants from me, I mean, I know John isn't the kind of guy to have a fling with somebody, but...the more I think about it and the more..." She thought about the conversation she'd had with Sheppard. About her being in denial and being afraid of consequences. He was more right than she'd admit.
She was scared out of her mind but the feeling just got stronger and she didn't know what to do with it.
"I'm falling in love with him," she said quietly, almost cowed by the idea. "The real kind of love. The one where I want to wake up next to him in the morning. You know the only night I got any sleep last week was when he was there? The one where I wouldn't be put off by spending the rest of my life with him." A small smile, "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him anyway, he's my partner, but -- the kind where I'm willing to commit to a real relationship."
She swallowed then, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her chest. "It's such a big thing to say. It's so fast. We haven't even been together that long. And I'm worried about what he might say, or if it's too fast, or what. I haven't had these feelings in a long time, and not this quickly, and not for John. But everyone seems to think we belong together and the more I think about it? The more I want to believe them."
Chris nodded slightly, crossing to her and pulling her into a hug. He knew what it took for her to say that. He was aware of what she had to lose, and he had known her for years. They had been good friends before they'd ever started dating, and he knew that she didn't love openly or easily. She wasn't the flowers and chocolates kind of girl. It was hard for her to express her feelings.
"I think you have to tell him," Chris said. "You've got to. It's the only way you're going to know where he stands, and the only way you have any chance of getting what you want."
She sighed. "But what if it all goes wrong?"
"He's your partner. I'm sure he'd still stick by your side, even then, if half of what you're always telling me about him is true." He kissed the top of her head gently. "Stark, I've always wanted you to be happy. And if you've found your happiness with this guy, you should have it. But you have to go and get it, or it could get away from you."
Her phone rang again. Reluctantly, she pulled back and eyed it. "I should go. He's starting to wonder where I am. You want to do dinner sometime this week?"
"Sure. I'll call you. Dad's out of town on business, though."
"So it'll be just the two of us. Tell him I said hi, if you talk to him." A small smile. "Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it." Then she stepped out of his office, took a deep breath, and snapped the phone to her ear. "Yeah, John. No, I had an errand to run, I'm coming right now. I'll see you in like, twenty minutes. Promise."
A small smile. "Yeah, I missed you too."
Richmond, Virginia
As she stepped out of her Impala in the VCU visitor's parking lot, Stark eyed her phone and then her watch. It would only be a matter of time before John called her when she didn't show up in the basement like clockwork. She knew she didn't have much time. But just the thought of him made her heart twist a little, and she remembered why she'd come in the first place.
Chris Gabriel was one of the people who had helped make her who she was. He was the son of Jeff Gabriel, her lead force instructor at Quantico. Chris and Stark had dated when she was at the academy, and she really had come to love him. However, once she'd gotten inundated with work at Criminal Investigations (dammit, there was another weird coincidence), they'd agreed to go their separate ways. It had been an amicable breakup; she still talked to him and his father when she had the chance. But he was the last person to get too close to her. She needed that now.
She knew where the political science building was; she'd been here once or twice before. VCU was a good school, one that she wouldn't have turned down attending herself if she hadn't been so much of a hometown girl. Chris had gone on to teach undergraduate criminal justice, and he had an office on the fourth floor that was easy enough to find after consulting a few directories. She took a deep breath and knocked on the open doorframe before she stepped in.
"Hey," he said, standing out of his chair to pull her into a hug. "You look good."
"No, I don't," she said with a laugh. "I look like I've been up all night. Which I have." She rubbed her temples. That was going to come back and bite her in the ass later in the work day, she just knew it.
"That doesn't mean you're not still beautiful," he chided her, before he moved past her to close the door. Having taken her call the night before, he knew that something wasn't right. "What's on your mind, Stark?"
Stark hesitated. And then she spit it out. "This is going to be really awkward, Chris," she admitted, turning around slightly so she could look him in the eye. "I've got...there's a complicated...there's somebody else and I don't know what to do."
That made him chuckle. "Stark, it's not that awkward. We've been broken up for at least three years," he reminded her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and steered her toward the chair opposite his desk. Pulling his desk chair around, he continued, "What's up? You're not the kind of girl who lets personal stuff bother you so much. Last time I saw you this spooked was when they ran those night scenario exams."
She laughed at that. She'd been so nervous about that she'd almost thought she was going to be ill. In the end, she'd gotten the highest grade in the class. "It's really kind of insane, Chris," she found herself saying. "He's a really great guy. I mean, really. I cannot say enough good things about him. He's always been here for me, and he knows me better than I know myself. We're so close. And he's got a thing for me, so it's not that. I mean, we slept together on the first date...okay, it wasn't even really a date."
"I'm still not seeing the problem here."
"The problem is it's the wrong guy," she admitted, running a hand through her hair and averting her eyes as a blush flooded her cheeks. "It's the absolute wrong guy. The last guy that I should be doing this with."
There went her phone, just to remind her. She ignored it.
Chris arched an eyebrow, but didn't push her. She trusted him because of that; he was always so gentle. "What do you mean, it's the wrong guy?" he asked her. "I'm pretty sure that's not true unless you're dating like, a serial killer, and girl, you've got standards, right?" he quipped.
She chuckled, but when she met his eyes she was serious. "It's my partner," she said. "I'm sleeping with my partner."
He swallowed then, seeing the inevitable conflict of interest that Stark herself had mulled over in her head a half-dozen times. She'd thought about it before she got involved with John. She'd thought about it the night they'd slept together. It hadn't really left her mind since. Being caught could get them both fired, and she didn't want that to happen to him. (She was of less consequence.) Not to mention that if they split? It could get awkward in a hurry. Not to mention very uncomfortable.
But before he could say anything, Stark found herself talking. It didn't make any sense and it was all in a rush, but she did, standing from the chair and pacing a little bit. If she smoked at all, she'd be lighting up right then just to calm her nerves.
"And that's the thing. This isn't me. It isn't. Okay, I take risks, and I make some boneheaded choices sometimes, but I don't jump into bed with people. I mean, how long did it take us before we slept together?"
"Um...like a month."
"Exactly! I slept with him the same day. Literally. I got off the phone from telling my mother I wasn't sleeping with him, and then the next conversation we have, he's kissing me and then I end up taking him home and..." She trailed off in an exasperated sigh. "I don't do this. Not with anybody and not with the most important person in my life."
"But," Chris said leadingly. There had obviously been some reason why Stark had thrown her usually bulletproof sensibilities to the wind on this particular occasion. She rarely got drunk enough for it to affect her judgment, so he knew it had to have been a conscious decision on her part.
"But he's different." She stopped pacing then and looked out his office window, before she looked at the floor. Maybe it would be easier to say if she wasn't looking at anyone. If she could just focus. "He's always been different. And I don't know what he wants from me, I mean, I know John isn't the kind of guy to have a fling with somebody, but...the more I think about it and the more..." She thought about the conversation she'd had with Sheppard. About her being in denial and being afraid of consequences. He was more right than she'd admit.
She was scared out of her mind but the feeling just got stronger and she didn't know what to do with it.
"I'm falling in love with him," she said quietly, almost cowed by the idea. "The real kind of love. The one where I want to wake up next to him in the morning. You know the only night I got any sleep last week was when he was there? The one where I wouldn't be put off by spending the rest of my life with him." A small smile, "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him anyway, he's my partner, but -- the kind where I'm willing to commit to a real relationship."
She swallowed then, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her chest. "It's such a big thing to say. It's so fast. We haven't even been together that long. And I'm worried about what he might say, or if it's too fast, or what. I haven't had these feelings in a long time, and not this quickly, and not for John. But everyone seems to think we belong together and the more I think about it? The more I want to believe them."
Chris nodded slightly, crossing to her and pulling her into a hug. He knew what it took for her to say that. He was aware of what she had to lose, and he had known her for years. They had been good friends before they'd ever started dating, and he knew that she didn't love openly or easily. She wasn't the flowers and chocolates kind of girl. It was hard for her to express her feelings.
"I think you have to tell him," Chris said. "You've got to. It's the only way you're going to know where he stands, and the only way you have any chance of getting what you want."
She sighed. "But what if it all goes wrong?"
"He's your partner. I'm sure he'd still stick by your side, even then, if half of what you're always telling me about him is true." He kissed the top of her head gently. "Stark, I've always wanted you to be happy. And if you've found your happiness with this guy, you should have it. But you have to go and get it, or it could get away from you."
Her phone rang again. Reluctantly, she pulled back and eyed it. "I should go. He's starting to wonder where I am. You want to do dinner sometime this week?"
"Sure. I'll call you. Dad's out of town on business, though."
"So it'll be just the two of us. Tell him I said hi, if you talk to him." A small smile. "Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it." Then she stepped out of his office, took a deep breath, and snapped the phone to her ear. "Yeah, John. No, I had an errand to run, I'm coming right now. I'll see you in like, twenty minutes. Promise."
A small smile. "Yeah, I missed you too."