Chess with the Devil
(Man, I feel high today. If my church saw this story, I'd be crucified before their very eyes.)
I strategically positioned my versatile queen into place, trapping my brother's cowardly king in a dark, deadly corner. Check-mate. My fifth victory in a row today. Supremacy reigned today. I smiled and crossed my arms, letting out a psuedo-yawn. "Tired yet? I am." A thick, red vein throbbed in his skinny little bird-like neck. That was all the incentive I needed. Rock, paper, scissors. Paper versus rock. Rock wins. I seperated the whites from the browns and pushed the vanilla-colored pieces over to his side. "Wouldn't it be ironic," I muttered, "if God was playing chess with the devil today?"
- - -
"Wouldn't it be ironic," God muttered, scratching at his ghost-white beard in thought, "if mortals knew that their ticked to Heaven or Hell depended entirely on a chess game because we were bored? I mean, we used to settle these things Judge Judy style. But that got old. So now we do this! Wouldn't it be strange if they found that out?"
Satan laughed. "That would be quite a dark day."
"A rapture to behold."
"Just move, will you?"
"I mean, I throw some games since I don't feel like playing, but I have to."
"God, damn it, will you please make your move? I've been waiting for several decades now..."
"Mm? Oh, yes, sorry." God pushed a pawn forward with his finger.
Silence.
Satan rolled his eyes in frustration. Volcanoes erupted. "Not the brightest omnipotent being out there, are you?"
"Well, I try." God grinned. His smile could have incinerated the universe.
Satan shook his head and rubbed the horn stubs on his forehead. "Jesus Christ, I have a headache."
"My boy's been doing well, thank you!"
And absolutely deaf. Satan thought.
"Mind you I can read minds."
Satan glanced up, puzzled, then nodded in acknowledgement. "That you can." He stared at the board again, curious. "How is Jesus doing nowadecades?" Satan asked. He tapped his fingers on the table, each tap resulting in a seismic earthquake on Earth. "That little rascal up to that... what do humans call it? Poltergeist business I think?"
God laughed and took a small sip of ice-cold water.
Hail-storms and rainfall on earth. The inches of rain on Earth depended on how long his drink lasted. If he just so happened to consume the entire glass at once, there would be a flood. It happened from time to time.
"That he is!" God chuckled, somewhat bemused. "That boy just loves to cause supernatural chaos on Earth." He sighed and sat back in his chair, cracking his neck.
Thunder and lightning.
Satan nodded. "Oh, I've my share of oddjobs down on Earth too."
God's laugh was thunderous. "And I too! Remember when I disfigured a certain grilled-cheese sandwich to resemble my boy's face?"
Satan laughed too. "How could I forget! They went nuts over that." He sat back in his chair and raised the pitch of his voice. "It's a sign!"
God slapped his knee. More thunderclaps.
"Good times to be had."
Satan finally decided to make his move, effectively checking God's king into a shady corner.
"Clever." God mumbled. Landslides. "I wonder what Jesus would do here..."
"The boy is a devil at Chess." Satan looked at God expectantly. He roared.
"Christ, you should be on... what was that?" He snapped his fingers in an effort to remember. Gunshots and death on Earth.
Just another chess game.
"Comedy Central! That's it." God shook his head and captured one of Satan's pawns.
"You're not up to this game today, are you?"
"No. Not really." God lazily moved another pawn.
"Well, that's another dead human in Hell!" Satan smiled, check-mating God's king.
God sighed. Tornadoes. "Next game."
- - -
My brother check-mated my King and laughed. "Haha, I win!"
I didn't respond.
"Hello?"
My brother looked up from the chess board and poked my body.
I was dead.
I strategically positioned my versatile queen into place, trapping my brother's cowardly king in a dark, deadly corner. Check-mate. My fifth victory in a row today. Supremacy reigned today. I smiled and crossed my arms, letting out a psuedo-yawn. "Tired yet? I am." A thick, red vein throbbed in his skinny little bird-like neck. That was all the incentive I needed. Rock, paper, scissors. Paper versus rock. Rock wins. I seperated the whites from the browns and pushed the vanilla-colored pieces over to his side. "Wouldn't it be ironic," I muttered, "if God was playing chess with the devil today?"
- - -
"Wouldn't it be ironic," God muttered, scratching at his ghost-white beard in thought, "if mortals knew that their ticked to Heaven or Hell depended entirely on a chess game because we were bored? I mean, we used to settle these things Judge Judy style. But that got old. So now we do this! Wouldn't it be strange if they found that out?"
Satan laughed. "That would be quite a dark day."
"A rapture to behold."
"Just move, will you?"
"I mean, I throw some games since I don't feel like playing, but I have to."
"God, damn it, will you please make your move? I've been waiting for several decades now..."
"Mm? Oh, yes, sorry." God pushed a pawn forward with his finger.
Silence.
Satan rolled his eyes in frustration. Volcanoes erupted. "Not the brightest omnipotent being out there, are you?"
"Well, I try." God grinned. His smile could have incinerated the universe.
Satan shook his head and rubbed the horn stubs on his forehead. "Jesus Christ, I have a headache."
"My boy's been doing well, thank you!"
And absolutely deaf. Satan thought.
"Mind you I can read minds."
Satan glanced up, puzzled, then nodded in acknowledgement. "That you can." He stared at the board again, curious. "How is Jesus doing nowadecades?" Satan asked. He tapped his fingers on the table, each tap resulting in a seismic earthquake on Earth. "That little rascal up to that... what do humans call it? Poltergeist business I think?"
God laughed and took a small sip of ice-cold water.
Hail-storms and rainfall on earth. The inches of rain on Earth depended on how long his drink lasted. If he just so happened to consume the entire glass at once, there would be a flood. It happened from time to time.
"That he is!" God chuckled, somewhat bemused. "That boy just loves to cause supernatural chaos on Earth." He sighed and sat back in his chair, cracking his neck.
Thunder and lightning.
Satan nodded. "Oh, I've my share of oddjobs down on Earth too."
God's laugh was thunderous. "And I too! Remember when I disfigured a certain grilled-cheese sandwich to resemble my boy's face?"
Satan laughed too. "How could I forget! They went nuts over that." He sat back in his chair and raised the pitch of his voice. "It's a sign!"
God slapped his knee. More thunderclaps.
"Good times to be had."
Satan finally decided to make his move, effectively checking God's king into a shady corner.
"Clever." God mumbled. Landslides. "I wonder what Jesus would do here..."
"The boy is a devil at Chess." Satan looked at God expectantly. He roared.
"Christ, you should be on... what was that?" He snapped his fingers in an effort to remember. Gunshots and death on Earth.
Just another chess game.
"Comedy Central! That's it." God shook his head and captured one of Satan's pawns.
"You're not up to this game today, are you?"
"No. Not really." God lazily moved another pawn.
"Well, that's another dead human in Hell!" Satan smiled, check-mating God's king.
God sighed. Tornadoes. "Next game."
- - -
My brother check-mated my King and laughed. "Haha, I win!"
I didn't respond.
"Hello?"
My brother looked up from the chess board and poked my body.
I was dead.