No point in keeping this private anymore.
But more importantly, I guess I can break down the last few days. I spent them in Van, which is fun, but nerve wracking, since now I have to move there and Vancouver is more than just a wistful vacation spot with great restaurants, it's that place where I have to navigate a home and find a job before I run out of living expenses. It's like fun, only completely the opposite.
Now I don't know where to live, since every place I transit by looks waaaay scarier live than it did on Google Earth. I'm going to get mugged a lot.
Greg is, as always, Greg. I think I told him that he was one of the most amazing people I'd ever met. I did not realise how lame that statement was until the bus was clearing Hope. WTF amazing? That doesn't mean anything. What amazes me about him? Okay, I think to myself, try again in your head before you compliment someone. He is... honest, chivalrous, open. He is the single most genuine person I've met, the least likely to lie to me and the most likely to always be there for me. Everything would be a lot scarier (read: impossible) if I didn't have at least a shadow of a support network on the other side. Of all the people that I've befriended, unfriended, refriended, ignored, rekindled, fucked or otherwise interacted with, Greg probably hasn't been through the most intense, but he's been through every level and has remained unshakably, independently Greg for years and years.
He apparently positively-thought our relationship into being. I don't know how I feel about that. He said he always knew it was going to happen; one day it almost did. A week later, decisions were made, buttons pushed, missiles fired. Now we are officially in an unofficial nonexclusive casual potential pseudo-relationship. I don't know what that means either. Labels are stupid anyway.
Admittedly, the decisions made were made before Greg entered the scene, but the buttons weren't pushed until afterward. Not the best way of doing things and definitely not the kindest. But life rolls on and everyone needs to take a lesson away, here, not just me. I have never been so... Well, not unhappy. I wasn't unhappy. Unfortunately, I also wasn't happy. I could have continued on trucking from one rut to the next until I was dead, but whatever spark I had was waning.
John is better. That's good. He's always been stable, reliable and pragmatic. It's good to have him back there. I'm not sure if friendship will ever happen other than superficially hey-how-are-you-i'm-fine-did-you-change-your-hair-why-yes-i-did sort of thing. That blows, but I know that sanity and breathing space are ultimately going to be a better deal. I would prefer NOT losing him permanently, but if the choice is between no John and arm's length John, I think no John would probably be the least painful. At least I'll be able to remember when I enjoyed being around him.
So ten more days until the next trip down. Someone find me a place to live.
Now I don't know where to live, since every place I transit by looks waaaay scarier live than it did on Google Earth. I'm going to get mugged a lot.
Greg is, as always, Greg. I think I told him that he was one of the most amazing people I'd ever met. I did not realise how lame that statement was until the bus was clearing Hope. WTF amazing? That doesn't mean anything. What amazes me about him? Okay, I think to myself, try again in your head before you compliment someone. He is... honest, chivalrous, open. He is the single most genuine person I've met, the least likely to lie to me and the most likely to always be there for me. Everything would be a lot scarier (read: impossible) if I didn't have at least a shadow of a support network on the other side. Of all the people that I've befriended, unfriended, refriended, ignored, rekindled, fucked or otherwise interacted with, Greg probably hasn't been through the most intense, but he's been through every level and has remained unshakably, independently Greg for years and years.
He apparently positively-thought our relationship into being. I don't know how I feel about that. He said he always knew it was going to happen; one day it almost did. A week later, decisions were made, buttons pushed, missiles fired. Now we are officially in an unofficial nonexclusive casual potential pseudo-relationship. I don't know what that means either. Labels are stupid anyway.
Admittedly, the decisions made were made before Greg entered the scene, but the buttons weren't pushed until afterward. Not the best way of doing things and definitely not the kindest. But life rolls on and everyone needs to take a lesson away, here, not just me. I have never been so... Well, not unhappy. I wasn't unhappy. Unfortunately, I also wasn't happy. I could have continued on trucking from one rut to the next until I was dead, but whatever spark I had was waning.
John is better. That's good. He's always been stable, reliable and pragmatic. It's good to have him back there. I'm not sure if friendship will ever happen other than superficially hey-how-are-you-i'm-fine-did-you-change-your-hair-why-yes-i-did sort of thing. That blows, but I know that sanity and breathing space are ultimately going to be a better deal. I would prefer NOT losing him permanently, but if the choice is between no John and arm's length John, I think no John would probably be the least painful. At least I'll be able to remember when I enjoyed being around him.
So ten more days until the next trip down. Someone find me a place to live.