[Fanfic] Financial Assistance 101 by Kakuzu
[Title] Financial Assistance 101 by Kakuzu
[Author] Collections
foldingcrane
[Fandom] Naruto
[Characters] Kakuzu
[Rating] PG-13
[Word Count] 694
[Disclaimer] I do not own Naruto.
[Summary] Kakuzu's guide to managing your money with success.
Check out the books by the same publisher:
Scaring Shopkeepers by Kakuzu, Hidan and Uchiha Itachi
Subtle Hurts by Paper Cuts written by Konan
Annoying the Shit Out of Someone by Tobi
Poisons and Traps by Sasori
Explosives: Maximum Damage by Deidara
How to be a Complete Asshole by Uchiha Itachi
Don’t Fucking Read This by Hidan
Seducing Someone to Your Side by Orochimaru
How to Emo Successfully by Uchiha Sasuke
The Art of Fangirling by Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura
Cloud Watching and Shougi Playing by Nara Shikamaru
Building Bonds by Sai
Weapons and Pointy Objects by Tenten
Hating Your Family Members by Hyuuga Neji
Catchphrases by Uzumaki Naruto
Killing Your Teacher by Mitarashi Anko
Managing your money would be easy should you follow my guide.
Let’s just say that these methods are tried and tested.
It helped. My budget didn’t break.
If it helped me, I’m sure it would help you.
After all, you don’t have Deidara exploding and destroying things, Sasori burning holes though your floors and walls when he is toying with his poisons. Well, you certainly don’t have Itachi burning the place down with his black fire or Hidan staining your floors and walls with blood.
Well, Step 1 would be setting a budget.
Of course you need to do that. When it breaks, be sure to bitch it to the culprits of the breaks.
Bitching works. Seriously.
Now continuing on, Step 2 would be keeping the people who break your budget in line.
Steal their items and sell them. Ignore all their complaining. If they insist on taking revenge, let’s just say that paper cuts hurt. A lot.
You might want to read “Subtle Hurts by Paper Cuts” written by Konan. Paper cuts are not to be under estimated.
Step 3: This step is optional. However, be sure to use this step should the people still refuse to listen to you. Well, this step is about being a complete asshole to the people. Reading “How to be a Complete Asshole” by Uchiha Itachi helps.
Really.
Or you can just deny them what they want. If they want a new shirt, deny them. Make them use their own funds to buy what they want.
Now that handling those bastards is done, we are moving on to Step 4. You will have to shop for your stuff. Of course, this includes the damages those shit heads caused. So basically, Step 4 is getting the best bargains.
Now you must be asking why this step is so important. You see, there are certain idiotic shopkeepers who could be rather stubborn. They refuse to lower their prices. That is not a good thing. Check “Scaring Shopkeepers” by Kakuzu, Hidan and Uchiha Itachi for more tips.
Step 5 would be making sure your goods stay undamaged. Remember those idiots from before? The ones that try and break your budget. Yes, do remember to protect your good from them. They would want revenge remember? So what do you do? Well, set booby traps. To discourage further attempts by those ass hats, set traps that would either scare them mentally or physically. Your choice. “Poisons and Traps” by Sasori is a good guide.
Now Step 6 would be raising funds. It doesn’t matter how you do it. You can decide to become a beggar and plead for money from others. Or you can do a sale. It doesn’t matter what sale it is. It can be selling clay bombs, courtesy of Deidara, selling poisons, courtesy of Sasori or just selling dango or just a garage sale. After all, it still raises funds. Do remember Step 5. Wouldn’t want your items to be destroyed before you sell them.
Step 7 is the most important step. Hiding your money. Revenge driven people remember? You have the cash. They want to cash. Incentives go a long way. Hide the cash somewhere safe. It can be in some part of your room, or it can be hidden under the sofa. Hide it somewhere the fucktarts cannot find. Do not place your money in the banks. Those scoundrels could forge your signature and withdraw the money. Not a good idea.
[Author] Collections
foldingcrane
[Fandom] Naruto
[Characters] Kakuzu
[Rating] PG-13
[Word Count] 694
[Disclaimer] I do not own Naruto.
[Summary] Kakuzu's guide to managing your money with success.
Check out the books by the same publisher:
Scaring Shopkeepers by Kakuzu, Hidan and Uchiha Itachi
Subtle Hurts by Paper Cuts written by Konan
Annoying the Shit Out of Someone by Tobi
Poisons and Traps by Sasori
Explosives: Maximum Damage by Deidara
How to be a Complete Asshole by Uchiha Itachi
Don’t Fucking Read This by Hidan
Seducing Someone to Your Side by Orochimaru
How to Emo Successfully by Uchiha Sasuke
The Art of Fangirling by Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura
Cloud Watching and Shougi Playing by Nara Shikamaru
Building Bonds by Sai
Weapons and Pointy Objects by Tenten
Hating Your Family Members by Hyuuga Neji
Catchphrases by Uzumaki Naruto
Killing Your Teacher by Mitarashi Anko
Managing your money would be easy should you follow my guide.
Let’s just say that these methods are tried and tested.
It helped. My budget didn’t break.
If it helped me, I’m sure it would help you.
After all, you don’t have Deidara exploding and destroying things, Sasori burning holes though your floors and walls when he is toying with his poisons. Well, you certainly don’t have Itachi burning the place down with his black fire or Hidan staining your floors and walls with blood.
Well, Step 1 would be setting a budget.
Of course you need to do that. When it breaks, be sure to bitch it to the culprits of the breaks.
Bitching works. Seriously.
Now continuing on, Step 2 would be keeping the people who break your budget in line.
Steal their items and sell them. Ignore all their complaining. If they insist on taking revenge, let’s just say that paper cuts hurt. A lot.
You might want to read “Subtle Hurts by Paper Cuts” written by Konan. Paper cuts are not to be under estimated.
Step 3: This step is optional. However, be sure to use this step should the people still refuse to listen to you. Well, this step is about being a complete asshole to the people. Reading “How to be a Complete Asshole” by Uchiha Itachi helps.
Really.
Or you can just deny them what they want. If they want a new shirt, deny them. Make them use their own funds to buy what they want.
Now that handling those bastards is done, we are moving on to Step 4. You will have to shop for your stuff. Of course, this includes the damages those shit heads caused. So basically, Step 4 is getting the best bargains.
Now you must be asking why this step is so important. You see, there are certain idiotic shopkeepers who could be rather stubborn. They refuse to lower their prices. That is not a good thing. Check “Scaring Shopkeepers” by Kakuzu, Hidan and Uchiha Itachi for more tips.
Step 5 would be making sure your goods stay undamaged. Remember those idiots from before? The ones that try and break your budget. Yes, do remember to protect your good from them. They would want revenge remember? So what do you do? Well, set booby traps. To discourage further attempts by those ass hats, set traps that would either scare them mentally or physically. Your choice. “Poisons and Traps” by Sasori is a good guide.
Now Step 6 would be raising funds. It doesn’t matter how you do it. You can decide to become a beggar and plead for money from others. Or you can do a sale. It doesn’t matter what sale it is. It can be selling clay bombs, courtesy of Deidara, selling poisons, courtesy of Sasori or just selling dango or just a garage sale. After all, it still raises funds. Do remember Step 5. Wouldn’t want your items to be destroyed before you sell them.
Step 7 is the most important step. Hiding your money. Revenge driven people remember? You have the cash. They want to cash. Incentives go a long way. Hide the cash somewhere safe. It can be in some part of your room, or it can be hidden under the sofa. Hide it somewhere the fucktarts cannot find. Do not place your money in the banks. Those scoundrels could forge your signature and withdraw the money. Not a good idea.