oh what a holiday
a few tid bits:
*i feel like most of my past relationships have been reduced to group gatherings where everyone sums up the past 6-12 months in 5 minutes or less. this is a little unsettling, however not unexpected. i have another one to look forward to tomorrow. [just for the record, i fully enjoyed our time together tonight, it was seriously a great blessing].
*i am becoming facinated by english sayings and places. (that is english as in england).
*i do not see nashville or birmingham as my home. i see nashville as a place where my life is full of responsibilites, meetings, obligations, and overall business. birmingham is my place to breathe, to take life one day at a time. while the 'ham still holds places to go and people to see, they are optional. i have the choice of whether i want to participate or not. the mere fact that i have this freedom emplores me to take advantage of it, thus resulting in my tendency to stay at home when in birmingham.
*i am begining to feel like i don't have what it takes to maintain relationships. i thought that i would keep up with the people i was meant to. i didn't put much thought into it, i just assumed it would happen. now i am starting to think this is not the case. certain relationships that i thought had dwindled have suddenly resurfaced, and i feel incredibly guilty for not making more/any effort to maintain the friendships. i don't know what my problem is. i know relationships take effort and energy, but i just can't stand for my life to be one phone call after another, followed by a lunch date every day, and a coffee date every night. these things are great in and of themselves and spread over decent amounts of time. but i feel like my life would be consumed by them if i attempted to keep up with everybody. so who do you "cut"? how do you decide something like that? like i said, i thought it would just happen. i wouldn't have to make a decision, things would just fall into place. but now i feel that all of my past relationships are turning in just that...a thing of the past with no active role in the present.
*perhaps the problem lies in the fact that i obviously think everything is about me. i noticed these points all started with "I." perhaps i need to focus on the needs of other and stop worrying so much about myself. yup, sounds like a plan.