both of us do.
I swore when I got into this fandom that I would not engage in uphill battles. And yet, and yet.
So. This is my interpretation of the Jack/Ianto dynamic in the series, line by line. I shit you not.
It took me forever to do this. I poke a lot of fun, but it's all with love. I wanted to see if I could maintain my perspective throughout all their interactions and it was so deliciously easy.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Blowfish: Which leaves me with the office boy, promoted beyond his measure....So, what about it minion, can you do it? How good are you? How sharp is your aim? What if you kill her? What if I kill her first? Can you shoot before I do? Can you? Dare you? Would you? Won't you?
Blowfish: DEAR TORCHWOOD AUDIENCE. IN THIS SEASON, IANTO'S ARC IS GOING TO BE ABOUT HOW HE'S REALLY UNCERTAIN ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS AND WHAT HE NEEDS AND WHO HE IS. IS THIS BULLHORN ON? OH, GOOD. THE KEY IS UNCERTAINTY. HAVE WE GOT THAT? MOVING ON THEN.
Ianto: *hesitates like woah*
Ianto:; I'M REALLY UNCERTAIN. MOSTLY THIS IS BECAUSE ONCE I MAKE UP MY MIND IT'S REALLY HARD TO CONVINCE ME TO DO OTHERWISE. YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THIS IN THE EPISODE WHERE I ALMOST LET MY GIRLFRIEND DESTROY THE PLANET BECAUSE I WAS TOO STUBBORN TO LISTEN TO REASON. HELLO?
*
Ianto: Are you going back to him?
Ianto: How long are you sticking around for this time, chump?
Jack: *looks Ianto up and down*
Jack: God, you're even better looking than I remember.
Jack: I came back for you.
Jack: You don't know it yet, but I'm going to be spending the entire season trying for emotional honesty and you're just going to give me silence in return.
Ianto: *twitches*
Ianto: Oh, my god.
Jack: All of you.
Jack: Engage the backpedals! The boy's not ready! Engage! Engage!
*
Jack: STAY HERE.
Jack: DO WHAT I SAY NOT WHAT I DO.
Everyone else: *grumble grumble*
Everyone else: *obeys*
Ianto: *yells for taxi immediately*
Ianto: *TOTALLY DOES NOT OBEY*
*
Everyone else: *grumble grumble grumble about Jack*
Everyone else: *grumble grumble grumble about Jack*
Ianto: It is more fun when he's around though.
Ianto: We need him. We need to keep him here; you have to help me.
Everyone else: *agrees*
Everyone else: *obeys new leader*
*
John: We were partners.
John: God, you should *see* the things this man can do with his tongue.
Ianto: In what way?
Ianto: Yeah, I know them already. And also? I haven't decided what I want from him yet but I *have* decided: YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM.
*
John: With eyes like yours, you can call me Vera if you like.
John: Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?
Ianto: *rolls eyes so hard they almost fall out of his head*
Ianto: *totally fails at not showing his displeasure when displeased*
{...}
John: Now, given the canisters are radioactive, don't open them, eh?
John: I think you're all a bunch of tossers and it's going to be so easy to take Jack away from you.
Ianto: *rolls eyes again*
Ianto: I AM DISPLEASED AND I WILL SHOW IT.
*
Jack: Oooh, yeah. Loving that office-y feel. I always get excited in these places.
Jack: Let's seeeeee. How can I bring up sex?
Ianto: *pointed look*
Ianto: God, you are so weird.
Jack: To me they're exotic. Office romances. Photocopying your butt.
Jack: What? I get excited by lots of crazy things. Like you didn't know this. Also, I missed you a lot. Hey, remember that office romance we used to have before I skedaddled out of town without saying goodbye?
Ianto: *pointed look*
Ianto: You are not seriously bringing this up right now.
Jack: Well, maybe not your butt, but as we're here, why don't we --
Jack: Score! I managed to get butts into the conversation, and now it's just one little segue from butt to the buttsex, which is that thing we use to --
Ianto: The Rift was active, these coordinates, approximately 200 feet above ground.
Ianto: I don't believe it. You actually *did* just bring this up right now WHILE WE ARE LOOKING FOR RADIOACTIVE CANISTERS THAT YOUR EXBOYFRIEND CLUED US ON TO.
Jack: *puppy dogs*
Jack: Timing no good?
Ianto: That means this floor or the roof.
Ianto: Your timing is ATROCIOUS.
Jack: *follows Ianto around with his eyes*
Jack: But I really missed you!
Ianto: *resolutely does not look at Jack*
Ianto: Yeah, tell it to my back.
Jack: How are you Ianto?
Jack: Okay, direct. I said I would go for emotional honesty. Deep breath. Here it is.
Ianto: All the better for having you back, sir.
Ianto: *DENIES*
Ianto: *walks away*
Ianto: Stupid, stupid, stupid man.
Jack: *long pause*
Jack: Dammit.
Jack: Can we maybe drop the "sir", now? While I was away, I was thinking, maybe, you know, when this is, uh, all done. Dinner? A movie?
Jack: Uh, soooooooo. I had, like, a year of torture to get through and man, you would NOT BELIEVE the kind of perspective change you get when you've spent 365 days bleeding out from all your orifices. Jesus, *what* was I whining about all of last year. Yesh. Also, look. We gotta drop the whole boss-employee thing when we're alone. It's creeping me out. Well, anyways, haha, am I stuttering? Do I seem nervous? It's just, I have absolutely no idea what you want or how to give it to you, but I figured I'd try to, you know, *ask* and maybe get some answers? Yes? No? Maybe?
Ianto: Are you asking me out on a date?
Ianto: What?
Jack: Interested?
Jack: Please don't make me repeat all of that.
Ianto: Well---as---long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself.
Ianto: Wow. Um. Okaaaaaaaaaay?
Ianto: *walks further away*
Ianto: *WALKS FURTHER AWAY*
Jack: *follows him*
Jack: *FOLLOWS HIM*
Jack: Looks like we're going to have to look in every drawer, bin and plant pot.
Jack: This is going to be so much harder than I thought it was. Augh, I hate working at things. I like things to just come to me! Stupid feelings.
Jack: *nervous laugh*
Jack: Oh, god.
Ianto: Right, okay. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited.
Ianto: I'm just going to pretend this isn't happening.
Ianto: *smiles engagingly*
Ianto: Don't get me wrong, you're charming and good looking, and *god*, the things you do with your hands, but, dude. I'm just saying, I don't know about this.
Jack: *peers around tentatively*
Jack: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT?
Ianto: You take the roof. You're good on roofs.
Ianto: We'll talk about this later. Like, maybe the day after never. Go away now so I can get some work done, okay?
Jack: *obeys immediately*
Jack: *OBEYS IMMEDIATELY*
Ianto: Jack! W-why are we helping him?
Ianto: Wait! First, explain yourself. Because I'm confused. Because you're confusing. GOD YOU'RE SO CONFUSING. ALL THE TIME.
Jack: He's a reminder of my past. I want him gone.
Jack: *explains on command*
Jack: *pointed look*
Jack: Understand? I'm trying to say something to you. It's just that I'm an emotional retard.
Jack: By the way, was that a "yes"?
Jack: I swear, I'm going. But, um. Direct answer?
Ianto: Y-yes. Yes.
Ianto: Yes, Jesus God. There I said it. What do you want from me? Am I hyperventilating? I think I might be because YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT.
Jack: *triumphant face*
Jack: Woo-hoo! I'll take it!
Ianto: *does not look at Jack*
Ianto: And somehow, despite everything, you are still adorable. GO AWAY NOW BEFORE I MOLEST YOU.
*
John: *points gun at Ianto's face*
John: This gun is my penis. Get it?
Ianto: *slams doors open*
Ianto: You think I'm afraid of you? Or anything? The only thing that I'm afraid of is love, which, frankly scares the shit out of me because I had this really bad experience a year back. But other than that? YOU ARE DEAD IF I SEE YOU AGAIN AFTER THIS.
John: *eyebrow raise*
John: Well, hello, there, feisty. Everyone's kind of wrong about you, huh?
Ianto: Why are you doing this?
Ianto: I WANT ANSWERS AND YOU WILL GIVE THEM TO ME.
*
John: Or, if anyone fancies an orgy.
John: No, seriously. Anyone?
Ianto: *considers orgy*
Ianto: *CONSIDERS ORGY BECAUSE IS NOT MONOGAMOUS*
*
{Okay, I'm going to stop with KKBB, because this is getting kind of ridiculous. But if you can look at all of this evidence and still think Ianto cries himself to sleep at night over Jack, I just don't know, man. Obviously I'm exaggerating for effect, but none of this is even remotely out of the realm of possibility and a lot of this is just direct interpretation. But what about the rest of the season, Fod? Okay, kiddies. Let's get to it. I'm going to try and concentrate on the Jack/Ianto bits from this point forward, or this is going to take me until the 51st century.}
Sleepers
Ianto: *watches Jack being a sociopath and does not say a word*
Ianto: Oh, look. He's being a sociopath again.
Ianto: Just us, in this room, for as long as it takes. Terrifying.
Ianto: Sociopaths are HILARIOUS. See how I'm not normal?
Jack: Really?
Jack: Do you think I have a big penis?
Ianto: Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.
Ianto: Oh, *yeah*. You are so big, baby.
Jack: You don't look scared.
Jack: Why do I doubt the sincerity of your words?
Ianto: It...passed.
Ianto: Because I'm making fun of you.
Jack: *growls*
Jack: You're lucky you're pretty. Or, or, I would totally growl at you! Like I just did! And you would be frightened! BE FRIGHTENED DAMMIT.
*
Tosh: You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
Tosh: You're a lying liar who lies.
Jack: It's just a mind probe.
Jack: When did everyone get so mouthy?
Ianto: Remember the last time you used it?
Ianto: I want to remind the audience that it's been firmly established that I keep my promises to a fault. You, on the other hand, change the rules to suit yourself all the time. Why would I be hesitant to jump into a monogamous, serious relationship with you? IT'S A MYSTERY!
Jack: That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure.
Jack: I get to change the rules because I am the leader! Also, because I said so.
Ianto: Oh, right. Their heads must explode all the time.
Ianto: Also, you're dangerous. A MYSTERY I TELLS YOU.
Jack: *frustrated sigh*
Jack: I AM THE LEADER. YOU DO WHAT I SAY.
{....}
Ianto: *is electroCUTEd*
Ianto: Wheeeeeeeeeee.
Jack: Hey!
Jack: DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID ABOUT BEING THE LEADER?
Ianto: *scurries*
Ianto: Whoopsie. Too far. Must maintain work/personal balance.
*
Jack: Come on! Have a little faith! With a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?
Jack: This is an example of how many of the things that I *say* and the things that I *mean* are very different. It's called subtext. Look it up in the dictionary.
Ianto: He is dashing, you have to give him that.
Ianto: No, I really do mean that he's dashing. A liar. And a killer, yes. But that COAT.
*
Jack: *catches sight of Ianto coming towards him with cannibalized antennae*
Jack: Uh-oh.
Ianto: *scowls*
Ianto: WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jack: *flees*
Jack: Help! Help!
Ianto: *chases after him*
Ianto: Yeah, the whole thing where I have less power in the relationship? Not so much.
To the Last Man
{I'm not going to go into the kiss again, because I've done it at length already. I will say that although my interpretation of that scene has evolved, I do still think that it's a matter of Ianto seeking reassurance, because, again, he's uncertain. And maybe this is what's tripping people up; they feel like Jack needs to make Ianto certain RIGHT NOW. But this assumes a) that JACK knows how he's feeling, and b) that what Ianto wants to hear is that Jack wants what they have to become serious and exclusive. That is a lot of assuming. So let's put aside the assumptions for now and look at what actually happens. As I've said before in this journal, we have Jack talking and talking and talking and then we have Ianto kissing him. Ianto is seeking reassurance here, but he's going about asking for it in the vaguest way possible. Despite that, Jack understands and tries to be open and honest with him. Ianto's response to Jack's honesty is to turn their exchange into a physical one, to effectively cut off the conversation and make it about sex. Feelings are hard; making out is easy.
The thing that really bothers me about the idea that Ianto is some kind of powerless puppet being used in a vile and filthy way at the hands of Jack Harkness, who, considering their age difference, is practically a pedophile, is, wow. Where do I start. The first thing is that there's a very real strain of misogyny inherent in the notion that the person who takes the cock is automatically less powerful than the person who gives the cock and most of fandom assumes that Ianto bottoms. There's the mistake of confusing bottoming (if Ianto does bottom) to being submissive and topping to being dominant. But fine, you have weird notions about sex and power, whatever. The text just does not support these theories. Look at this kiss: Ianto is the one who initiates the kiss, he's the one who steers the kiss. He sets the pace, he moves Jack around like a rag doll to wherever Ianto wants him to be. Somehow people look at that and think, "Oh, Jack isn't kissing him back, Jack must not care about him as much as Ianto cares about Jack." No, the reality is that Jack cares about Ianto so much that he's willing to do open himself up to whatever Ianto wants.
I also said that I thought Jack and Ianto were in love. I'd like to amend that to say that I think Jack and Ianto are falling in love. I think what we're seeing here are two people who are getting closer and closer, more intimate, more certain of each other and their own feelings, but it's a process. We're watching the process in action. And I for one am really enjoying the ride. I don't want to turn on Torchwood next Wednesday and see Ianto and Jack in a formally established relationship, all of their issues worked out, speaking easily and readily about whatever deep emotions are on their minds. That would be so boring, augh. They're inching towards each other here, and that's fine. That's, in fact, pretty great.
That wasn't funny at all.}
Meat
Ianto: *scribbles question for Tosh on notebook*
Ianto: Ohmygod. Are Jack and I wearing the same outfit today? Shit. It's so fucking hot in here, but I *must* keep my suit jacket on or it will actually look like we got up this morning and intentionally picked out matching clothes. This is SO EMBARRASSING. Also? This is a way for the show to maintain a connection between me and Jack even during an episode that is ostensibly about him and Gwen. That's a pretty remedial media studies point, but I understand some of you have never watched television before this show, so I thought I'd take the time to explain.
Ianto: *passes question to Jack*
Ianto: *is vital member of team*
Jack: *reaches for note*
Jack: Oooh, note! Something dirty? Damn, it's work. Wait, how did I know exactly what Ianto wanted before Ianto even asked? Huh.
*
Ianto: *wears bib while eating pizza*
Ianto: *is attention hog*
Jack: *faux pas*
Jack: Emotional. Retard.
ianto: *walks away quickly*
Ianto: God, you are such an idiot. Obviously she is not going home to interrogate her own fiancé. JESUS. I'm going to go over to this other side of the room and eat my pizza in peace.
*
Jack: *watches Ianto*
Jack: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Ianto: *has longest lashes ever*
Ianto: I sure am in this episode a lot.
Ianto: Well, this is unprecedented, a fiance finding out.
Ianto: Augh, this is so awkward. Why is he watching me like that?
Tosh: Mainly because we're all sad and single.
Tosh: If it's not alien or made out of electronic parts, I totally fail to recognize its existence.
Ianto: *smirk*
Ianto: I am single, yes, but not sad. Oh, no. I am very happy. HAPPY IN MY PANTS.
Owen: Oh, speak for yourself. I am better off without all that kind of hassle.
Owen. I should have just stopped at "speak for yourself". Am I protesting too much? I'm protesting too much. Shit.
Jack: *still major stalker*
Jack: Is he saying something about me? Did he just say something about me? OMG SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME. I mean, whatever. If you want to.
Tosh: Maybe the answer is to go out with someone who knows what you do.
Tosh: I am a socially awkward Asian geek who loves math. I am not a racial stereotype at all. LOOK I HAVE BOOBIES.
Owen: Look around you Tosh, only we know what we do.
Owen: I have to be clueless now so that you'll hate me and then when I die, you will feel guilty and your guilt will lead to love. Guilt always leads to love. Look at Jack and Ianto.
Jack: *is becoming kind of scary type of stalker*
Jack: IS HE SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT ME?
Ianto: *takes long drink; is uncertain*
Ianto: Is that the answer after all? Jack and I just keep doing what we do because there's no one else? Man, that's sad. I need another beer.
*
Rhys: It's a bit bigger than mine.
Rhys: I'm a real man. I show this by having absolutely no issues about size. Because my penis is huge. And everybody knows it.
Jack: *giggles*
Jack: I, on the other hand, am a twelve year old. Pee-pee!
Jack: *looks at Ianto*
Jack: He just said pee-pee!
Ianto: *twitches*
Ianto: I can not believe I am sleeping with you.
{...}
Rhys: Well if you stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there, instead of showing off around the place -
Rhys: I'm sorry, did you think I was going to put up with this bullshit?
Ianto: *moves into support position*
Ianto: This is our professional relationship.
Jack: Do I show off?
Jack: Don't think for a minute that I didn't notice you just moved behind me to get my back. You are so going to get a reward later.
Ianto: Just a bit.
Ianto: This is our personal relationship. Any questions?
*
{entire action sequence}
Jack: I know I refer to myself as "Captain" so it's a little confusing, but I'm actually a seasoned battalion commander with more wars under my belt that you have fingers and toes, so in a combat situation, I do not let my emotions get the best of me and I do what I have to do to ensure that the mission objectives are going to be met and IANTO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE WHALE HURTS YOU. Um, whoops?
Ianto: Anyways, I can undo ropes, take several punches, give a few punches back, not wet myself when someone pulls the trigger in my face, take orders in the midst of a confused and hectic situation without losing my head, go after the bad guys, taser them IN THE FACE and get the job done, thanks.
*
Ianto: *hangs out in Jack's office drinking scotch while Tosh and Owen work*
Ianto: So, when you said reward...
{...}
Gwen: *angsts*
Jack: *hands Ianto his water bottle*
Jack: I'll be right back.
Ianto: *takes water bottle*
Ianto: Ah, shit. I totally forgot and took my suit jacket off and now we look like the fucking Bobsy twins. THIS IS THE SHOW TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ARE YOU LISTENING?
Jack: *angsts*
Gwen: *is agitated*
Jack: *shows real emotions towards another human being*
Jack: Ack, this whole whale thing has got me all verklempt. Because maybe I'm not sure I belong here either? And like the whale I was chained and tortured? And now Gwen is saying she's rather leave than Retcon Rhys and I think I'm going to cry. WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING TO ME ANYMORE? I wasn't even gone that long!....in your time.
Gwen: *hurries out*
Jack: *holds back tears*
Jack: GOD I HATE FEELINGS.
Ianto: *hands water bottle back*
Ianto: Um. Should I fill that up with warm milk first?
Jack: *sniffle*
Jack: I'm going to my room!
Ianto: *hand on neck*
Ianto: This had better not mean I'm not getting laid tonight.
{Okay, I'm stopping there because I have already devoted one half of my Sunday to this, and, really, I'm just making the same points over and over again. Which are the points that the show is making over and over again. And the show keeps making those points even more insistently as the season progresses. So, I don't know. It was fun, though!}
So. This is my interpretation of the Jack/Ianto dynamic in the series, line by line. I shit you not.
It took me forever to do this. I poke a lot of fun, but it's all with love. I wanted to see if I could maintain my perspective throughout all their interactions and it was so deliciously easy.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Blowfish: Which leaves me with the office boy, promoted beyond his measure....So, what about it minion, can you do it? How good are you? How sharp is your aim? What if you kill her? What if I kill her first? Can you shoot before I do? Can you? Dare you? Would you? Won't you?
Blowfish: DEAR TORCHWOOD AUDIENCE. IN THIS SEASON, IANTO'S ARC IS GOING TO BE ABOUT HOW HE'S REALLY UNCERTAIN ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS AND WHAT HE NEEDS AND WHO HE IS. IS THIS BULLHORN ON? OH, GOOD. THE KEY IS UNCERTAINTY. HAVE WE GOT THAT? MOVING ON THEN.
Ianto: *hesitates like woah*
Ianto:; I'M REALLY UNCERTAIN. MOSTLY THIS IS BECAUSE ONCE I MAKE UP MY MIND IT'S REALLY HARD TO CONVINCE ME TO DO OTHERWISE. YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THIS IN THE EPISODE WHERE I ALMOST LET MY GIRLFRIEND DESTROY THE PLANET BECAUSE I WAS TOO STUBBORN TO LISTEN TO REASON. HELLO?
*
Ianto: Are you going back to him?
Ianto: How long are you sticking around for this time, chump?
Jack: *looks Ianto up and down*
Jack: God, you're even better looking than I remember.
Jack: I came back for you.
Jack: You don't know it yet, but I'm going to be spending the entire season trying for emotional honesty and you're just going to give me silence in return.
Ianto: *twitches*
Ianto: Oh, my god.
Jack: All of you.
Jack: Engage the backpedals! The boy's not ready! Engage! Engage!
*
Jack: STAY HERE.
Jack: DO WHAT I SAY NOT WHAT I DO.
Everyone else: *grumble grumble*
Everyone else: *obeys*
Ianto: *yells for taxi immediately*
Ianto: *TOTALLY DOES NOT OBEY*
*
Everyone else: *grumble grumble grumble about Jack*
Everyone else: *grumble grumble grumble about Jack*
Ianto: It is more fun when he's around though.
Ianto: We need him. We need to keep him here; you have to help me.
Everyone else: *agrees*
Everyone else: *obeys new leader*
*
John: We were partners.
John: God, you should *see* the things this man can do with his tongue.
Ianto: In what way?
Ianto: Yeah, I know them already. And also? I haven't decided what I want from him yet but I *have* decided: YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM.
*
John: With eyes like yours, you can call me Vera if you like.
John: Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?
Ianto: *rolls eyes so hard they almost fall out of his head*
Ianto: *totally fails at not showing his displeasure when displeased*
{...}
John: Now, given the canisters are radioactive, don't open them, eh?
John: I think you're all a bunch of tossers and it's going to be so easy to take Jack away from you.
Ianto: *rolls eyes again*
Ianto: I AM DISPLEASED AND I WILL SHOW IT.
*
Jack: Oooh, yeah. Loving that office-y feel. I always get excited in these places.
Jack: Let's seeeeee. How can I bring up sex?
Ianto: *pointed look*
Ianto: God, you are so weird.
Jack: To me they're exotic. Office romances. Photocopying your butt.
Jack: What? I get excited by lots of crazy things. Like you didn't know this. Also, I missed you a lot. Hey, remember that office romance we used to have before I skedaddled out of town without saying goodbye?
Ianto: *pointed look*
Ianto: You are not seriously bringing this up right now.
Jack: Well, maybe not your butt, but as we're here, why don't we --
Jack: Score! I managed to get butts into the conversation, and now it's just one little segue from butt to the buttsex, which is that thing we use to --
Ianto: The Rift was active, these coordinates, approximately 200 feet above ground.
Ianto: I don't believe it. You actually *did* just bring this up right now WHILE WE ARE LOOKING FOR RADIOACTIVE CANISTERS THAT YOUR EXBOYFRIEND CLUED US ON TO.
Jack: *puppy dogs*
Jack: Timing no good?
Ianto: That means this floor or the roof.
Ianto: Your timing is ATROCIOUS.
Jack: *follows Ianto around with his eyes*
Jack: But I really missed you!
Ianto: *resolutely does not look at Jack*
Ianto: Yeah, tell it to my back.
Jack: How are you Ianto?
Jack: Okay, direct. I said I would go for emotional honesty. Deep breath. Here it is.
Ianto: All the better for having you back, sir.
Ianto: *DENIES*
Ianto: *walks away*
Ianto: Stupid, stupid, stupid man.
Jack: *long pause*
Jack: Dammit.
Jack: Can we maybe drop the "sir", now? While I was away, I was thinking, maybe, you know, when this is, uh, all done. Dinner? A movie?
Jack: Uh, soooooooo. I had, like, a year of torture to get through and man, you would NOT BELIEVE the kind of perspective change you get when you've spent 365 days bleeding out from all your orifices. Jesus, *what* was I whining about all of last year. Yesh. Also, look. We gotta drop the whole boss-employee thing when we're alone. It's creeping me out. Well, anyways, haha, am I stuttering? Do I seem nervous? It's just, I have absolutely no idea what you want or how to give it to you, but I figured I'd try to, you know, *ask* and maybe get some answers? Yes? No? Maybe?
Ianto: Are you asking me out on a date?
Ianto: What?
Jack: Interested?
Jack: Please don't make me repeat all of that.
Ianto: Well---as---long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself.
Ianto: Wow. Um. Okaaaaaaaaaay?
Ianto: *walks further away*
Ianto: *WALKS FURTHER AWAY*
Jack: *follows him*
Jack: *FOLLOWS HIM*
Jack: Looks like we're going to have to look in every drawer, bin and plant pot.
Jack: This is going to be so much harder than I thought it was. Augh, I hate working at things. I like things to just come to me! Stupid feelings.
Jack: *nervous laugh*
Jack: Oh, god.
Ianto: Right, okay. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited.
Ianto: I'm just going to pretend this isn't happening.
Ianto: *smiles engagingly*
Ianto: Don't get me wrong, you're charming and good looking, and *god*, the things you do with your hands, but, dude. I'm just saying, I don't know about this.
Jack: *peers around tentatively*
Jack: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT?
Ianto: You take the roof. You're good on roofs.
Ianto: We'll talk about this later. Like, maybe the day after never. Go away now so I can get some work done, okay?
Jack: *obeys immediately*
Jack: *OBEYS IMMEDIATELY*
Ianto: Jack! W-why are we helping him?
Ianto: Wait! First, explain yourself. Because I'm confused. Because you're confusing. GOD YOU'RE SO CONFUSING. ALL THE TIME.
Jack: He's a reminder of my past. I want him gone.
Jack: *explains on command*
Jack: *pointed look*
Jack: Understand? I'm trying to say something to you. It's just that I'm an emotional retard.
Jack: By the way, was that a "yes"?
Jack: I swear, I'm going. But, um. Direct answer?
Ianto: Y-yes. Yes.
Ianto: Yes, Jesus God. There I said it. What do you want from me? Am I hyperventilating? I think I might be because YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT.
Jack: *triumphant face*
Jack: Woo-hoo! I'll take it!
Ianto: *does not look at Jack*
Ianto: And somehow, despite everything, you are still adorable. GO AWAY NOW BEFORE I MOLEST YOU.
*
John: *points gun at Ianto's face*
John: This gun is my penis. Get it?
Ianto: *slams doors open*
Ianto: You think I'm afraid of you? Or anything? The only thing that I'm afraid of is love, which, frankly scares the shit out of me because I had this really bad experience a year back. But other than that? YOU ARE DEAD IF I SEE YOU AGAIN AFTER THIS.
John: *eyebrow raise*
John: Well, hello, there, feisty. Everyone's kind of wrong about you, huh?
Ianto: Why are you doing this?
Ianto: I WANT ANSWERS AND YOU WILL GIVE THEM TO ME.
*
John: Or, if anyone fancies an orgy.
John: No, seriously. Anyone?
Ianto: *considers orgy*
Ianto: *CONSIDERS ORGY BECAUSE IS NOT MONOGAMOUS*
*
{Okay, I'm going to stop with KKBB, because this is getting kind of ridiculous. But if you can look at all of this evidence and still think Ianto cries himself to sleep at night over Jack, I just don't know, man. Obviously I'm exaggerating for effect, but none of this is even remotely out of the realm of possibility and a lot of this is just direct interpretation. But what about the rest of the season, Fod? Okay, kiddies. Let's get to it. I'm going to try and concentrate on the Jack/Ianto bits from this point forward, or this is going to take me until the 51st century.}
Sleepers
Ianto: *watches Jack being a sociopath and does not say a word*
Ianto: Oh, look. He's being a sociopath again.
Ianto: Just us, in this room, for as long as it takes. Terrifying.
Ianto: Sociopaths are HILARIOUS. See how I'm not normal?
Jack: Really?
Jack: Do you think I have a big penis?
Ianto: Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.
Ianto: Oh, *yeah*. You are so big, baby.
Jack: You don't look scared.
Jack: Why do I doubt the sincerity of your words?
Ianto: It...passed.
Ianto: Because I'm making fun of you.
Jack: *growls*
Jack: You're lucky you're pretty. Or, or, I would totally growl at you! Like I just did! And you would be frightened! BE FRIGHTENED DAMMIT.
*
Tosh: You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
Tosh: You're a lying liar who lies.
Jack: It's just a mind probe.
Jack: When did everyone get so mouthy?
Ianto: Remember the last time you used it?
Ianto: I want to remind the audience that it's been firmly established that I keep my promises to a fault. You, on the other hand, change the rules to suit yourself all the time. Why would I be hesitant to jump into a monogamous, serious relationship with you? IT'S A MYSTERY!
Jack: That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure.
Jack: I get to change the rules because I am the leader! Also, because I said so.
Ianto: Oh, right. Their heads must explode all the time.
Ianto: Also, you're dangerous. A MYSTERY I TELLS YOU.
Jack: *frustrated sigh*
Jack: I AM THE LEADER. YOU DO WHAT I SAY.
{....}
Ianto: *is electroCUTEd*
Ianto: Wheeeeeeeeeee.
Jack: Hey!
Jack: DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID ABOUT BEING THE LEADER?
Ianto: *scurries*
Ianto: Whoopsie. Too far. Must maintain work/personal balance.
*
Jack: Come on! Have a little faith! With a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?
Jack: This is an example of how many of the things that I *say* and the things that I *mean* are very different. It's called subtext. Look it up in the dictionary.
Ianto: He is dashing, you have to give him that.
Ianto: No, I really do mean that he's dashing. A liar. And a killer, yes. But that COAT.
*
Jack: *catches sight of Ianto coming towards him with cannibalized antennae*
Jack: Uh-oh.
Ianto: *scowls*
Ianto: WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jack: *flees*
Jack: Help! Help!
Ianto: *chases after him*
Ianto: Yeah, the whole thing where I have less power in the relationship? Not so much.
To the Last Man
{I'm not going to go into the kiss again, because I've done it at length already. I will say that although my interpretation of that scene has evolved, I do still think that it's a matter of Ianto seeking reassurance, because, again, he's uncertain. And maybe this is what's tripping people up; they feel like Jack needs to make Ianto certain RIGHT NOW. But this assumes a) that JACK knows how he's feeling, and b) that what Ianto wants to hear is that Jack wants what they have to become serious and exclusive. That is a lot of assuming. So let's put aside the assumptions for now and look at what actually happens. As I've said before in this journal, we have Jack talking and talking and talking and then we have Ianto kissing him. Ianto is seeking reassurance here, but he's going about asking for it in the vaguest way possible. Despite that, Jack understands and tries to be open and honest with him. Ianto's response to Jack's honesty is to turn their exchange into a physical one, to effectively cut off the conversation and make it about sex. Feelings are hard; making out is easy.
The thing that really bothers me about the idea that Ianto is some kind of powerless puppet being used in a vile and filthy way at the hands of Jack Harkness, who, considering their age difference, is practically a pedophile, is, wow. Where do I start. The first thing is that there's a very real strain of misogyny inherent in the notion that the person who takes the cock is automatically less powerful than the person who gives the cock and most of fandom assumes that Ianto bottoms. There's the mistake of confusing bottoming (if Ianto does bottom) to being submissive and topping to being dominant. But fine, you have weird notions about sex and power, whatever. The text just does not support these theories. Look at this kiss: Ianto is the one who initiates the kiss, he's the one who steers the kiss. He sets the pace, he moves Jack around like a rag doll to wherever Ianto wants him to be. Somehow people look at that and think, "Oh, Jack isn't kissing him back, Jack must not care about him as much as Ianto cares about Jack." No, the reality is that Jack cares about Ianto so much that he's willing to do open himself up to whatever Ianto wants.
I also said that I thought Jack and Ianto were in love. I'd like to amend that to say that I think Jack and Ianto are falling in love. I think what we're seeing here are two people who are getting closer and closer, more intimate, more certain of each other and their own feelings, but it's a process. We're watching the process in action. And I for one am really enjoying the ride. I don't want to turn on Torchwood next Wednesday and see Ianto and Jack in a formally established relationship, all of their issues worked out, speaking easily and readily about whatever deep emotions are on their minds. That would be so boring, augh. They're inching towards each other here, and that's fine. That's, in fact, pretty great.
That wasn't funny at all.}
Meat
Ianto: *scribbles question for Tosh on notebook*
Ianto: Ohmygod. Are Jack and I wearing the same outfit today? Shit. It's so fucking hot in here, but I *must* keep my suit jacket on or it will actually look like we got up this morning and intentionally picked out matching clothes. This is SO EMBARRASSING. Also? This is a way for the show to maintain a connection between me and Jack even during an episode that is ostensibly about him and Gwen. That's a pretty remedial media studies point, but I understand some of you have never watched television before this show, so I thought I'd take the time to explain.
Ianto: *passes question to Jack*
Ianto: *is vital member of team*
Jack: *reaches for note*
Jack: Oooh, note! Something dirty? Damn, it's work. Wait, how did I know exactly what Ianto wanted before Ianto even asked? Huh.
*
Ianto: *wears bib while eating pizza*
Ianto: *is attention hog*
Jack: *faux pas*
Jack: Emotional. Retard.
ianto: *walks away quickly*
Ianto: God, you are such an idiot. Obviously she is not going home to interrogate her own fiancé. JESUS. I'm going to go over to this other side of the room and eat my pizza in peace.
*
Jack: *watches Ianto*
Jack: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Ianto: *has longest lashes ever*
Ianto: I sure am in this episode a lot.
Ianto: Well, this is unprecedented, a fiance finding out.
Ianto: Augh, this is so awkward. Why is he watching me like that?
Tosh: Mainly because we're all sad and single.
Tosh: If it's not alien or made out of electronic parts, I totally fail to recognize its existence.
Ianto: *smirk*
Ianto: I am single, yes, but not sad. Oh, no. I am very happy. HAPPY IN MY PANTS.
Owen: Oh, speak for yourself. I am better off without all that kind of hassle.
Owen. I should have just stopped at "speak for yourself". Am I protesting too much? I'm protesting too much. Shit.
Jack: *still major stalker*
Jack: Is he saying something about me? Did he just say something about me? OMG SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME. I mean, whatever. If you want to.
Tosh: Maybe the answer is to go out with someone who knows what you do.
Tosh: I am a socially awkward Asian geek who loves math. I am not a racial stereotype at all. LOOK I HAVE BOOBIES.
Owen: Look around you Tosh, only we know what we do.
Owen: I have to be clueless now so that you'll hate me and then when I die, you will feel guilty and your guilt will lead to love. Guilt always leads to love. Look at Jack and Ianto.
Jack: *is becoming kind of scary type of stalker*
Jack: IS HE SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT ME?
Ianto: *takes long drink; is uncertain*
Ianto: Is that the answer after all? Jack and I just keep doing what we do because there's no one else? Man, that's sad. I need another beer.
*
Rhys: It's a bit bigger than mine.
Rhys: I'm a real man. I show this by having absolutely no issues about size. Because my penis is huge. And everybody knows it.
Jack: *giggles*
Jack: I, on the other hand, am a twelve year old. Pee-pee!
Jack: *looks at Ianto*
Jack: He just said pee-pee!
Ianto: *twitches*
Ianto: I can not believe I am sleeping with you.
{...}
Rhys: Well if you stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there, instead of showing off around the place -
Rhys: I'm sorry, did you think I was going to put up with this bullshit?
Ianto: *moves into support position*
Ianto: This is our professional relationship.
Jack: Do I show off?
Jack: Don't think for a minute that I didn't notice you just moved behind me to get my back. You are so going to get a reward later.
Ianto: Just a bit.
Ianto: This is our personal relationship. Any questions?
*
{entire action sequence}
Jack: I know I refer to myself as "Captain" so it's a little confusing, but I'm actually a seasoned battalion commander with more wars under my belt that you have fingers and toes, so in a combat situation, I do not let my emotions get the best of me and I do what I have to do to ensure that the mission objectives are going to be met and IANTO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE WHALE HURTS YOU. Um, whoops?
Ianto: Anyways, I can undo ropes, take several punches, give a few punches back, not wet myself when someone pulls the trigger in my face, take orders in the midst of a confused and hectic situation without losing my head, go after the bad guys, taser them IN THE FACE and get the job done, thanks.
*
Ianto: *hangs out in Jack's office drinking scotch while Tosh and Owen work*
Ianto: So, when you said reward...
{...}
Gwen: *angsts*
Jack: *hands Ianto his water bottle*
Jack: I'll be right back.
Ianto: *takes water bottle*
Ianto: Ah, shit. I totally forgot and took my suit jacket off and now we look like the fucking Bobsy twins. THIS IS THE SHOW TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ARE YOU LISTENING?
Jack: *angsts*
Gwen: *is agitated*
Jack: *shows real emotions towards another human being*
Jack: Ack, this whole whale thing has got me all verklempt. Because maybe I'm not sure I belong here either? And like the whale I was chained and tortured? And now Gwen is saying she's rather leave than Retcon Rhys and I think I'm going to cry. WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING TO ME ANYMORE? I wasn't even gone that long!....in your time.
Gwen: *hurries out*
Jack: *holds back tears*
Jack: GOD I HATE FEELINGS.
Ianto: *hands water bottle back*
Ianto: Um. Should I fill that up with warm milk first?
Jack: *sniffle*
Jack: I'm going to my room!
Ianto: *hand on neck*
Ianto: This had better not mean I'm not getting laid tonight.
{Okay, I'm stopping there because I have already devoted one half of my Sunday to this, and, really, I'm just making the same points over and over again. Which are the points that the show is making over and over again. And the show keeps making those points even more insistently as the season progresses. So, I don't know. It was fun, though!}