Parents who want to have kids w/out becoming Parents
Perhaps the best, succint description of parenthood is working yourself out of a job. I wonder how many parents that fact is lost on. Looking back, it seems that my parents didn’t want to be parents. My mother must have seen us as dolls. If you’ve ever seen a little girl play with a doll, her doll automatically and immediately fulfills whatever her expectations may be, no matter how many times they change. If she wants it to be a doctor, lawyer, artist, or whatever, then that’s what it is. That’s how my parents, my mother in particular, must have viewed my siblings and me. That’s not how raising children works, though. Kids grow into adults with their own life paths to follow, which more than likely won’t line up with what the parent imagined.
It’s not just my family, either, that has experienced this phenomenon. Considering how many of my friends have come of age along side me, I’m saddened by how we can relate to each other. At least we’re not lonely, though. So many of my friends fight with their moms or dads (it’s usually a widowed parent…I wonder if that has something to do with it) simply by asserting their own indpendence. It’s endlessly frustrating. After all, creating independent adults is kind of the whole goal of parenting. When the time comes, they hold on tighter rather than letting go. I wonder if my generation will learn a lesson from this, or if we'll go overboard in the opposite direction. That'd be a shame. The end product of both mistakes is usually kids who run wild, either from lack of structure or rebellion against too much of it.
I’m likely to make a career change within a year, and this change will require me to relocate. My dad is being difficult about it. It’s not like this is a shock. He’s known that I would likely move for several years now, but he expects me to give it up. I would be more sympathetic and less aggravated about his opposition if he hadn’t threw that fit five months ago. When my leave of absence was almost over and Dad was supposed to have a sitter so I could return to work, Dad threw the toddler of all tantrums about how he didn’t need anyone and how he just wanted to be left alone. I become more irritated when I think back on how he’s insisted on holding my hand through my leaving school. He insisted on driving me to countless interviews. He insisted on going with me to my interview in Charleston. Whenever I’m at his house, I can’t take a nap in my old bedroom without him waking me up because he wants to know where I am. Perhaps nothing upsets me more than his use of the word, “we.” “We need to investigate [such and such firm].” “We have a resource in [so and so].” “We need to do this.” “We need to do that.” And the list goes on. He addresses my choices as though they were nuclear missles, and we both have to turn our keys at the same time. He has no key. I have the only key, and if there were two, I’d have them both and both key holes would be within my arm span.
Ultimately, I mad at myself because I haven’t dealt with this problem. I’ve been too mellow and docile in every point of conflict, figuring the problem would resolve itself. I don’t think I can just say nothing anymore, but how do you argue with someone who can’t (or won’t) see reason?
It’s not just my family, either, that has experienced this phenomenon. Considering how many of my friends have come of age along side me, I’m saddened by how we can relate to each other. At least we’re not lonely, though. So many of my friends fight with their moms or dads (it’s usually a widowed parent…I wonder if that has something to do with it) simply by asserting their own indpendence. It’s endlessly frustrating. After all, creating independent adults is kind of the whole goal of parenting. When the time comes, they hold on tighter rather than letting go. I wonder if my generation will learn a lesson from this, or if we'll go overboard in the opposite direction. That'd be a shame. The end product of both mistakes is usually kids who run wild, either from lack of structure or rebellion against too much of it.
I’m likely to make a career change within a year, and this change will require me to relocate. My dad is being difficult about it. It’s not like this is a shock. He’s known that I would likely move for several years now, but he expects me to give it up. I would be more sympathetic and less aggravated about his opposition if he hadn’t threw that fit five months ago. When my leave of absence was almost over and Dad was supposed to have a sitter so I could return to work, Dad threw the toddler of all tantrums about how he didn’t need anyone and how he just wanted to be left alone. I become more irritated when I think back on how he’s insisted on holding my hand through my leaving school. He insisted on driving me to countless interviews. He insisted on going with me to my interview in Charleston. Whenever I’m at his house, I can’t take a nap in my old bedroom without him waking me up because he wants to know where I am. Perhaps nothing upsets me more than his use of the word, “we.” “We need to investigate [such and such firm].” “We have a resource in [so and so].” “We need to do this.” “We need to do that.” And the list goes on. He addresses my choices as though they were nuclear missles, and we both have to turn our keys at the same time. He has no key. I have the only key, and if there were two, I’d have them both and both key holes would be within my arm span.
Ultimately, I mad at myself because I haven’t dealt with this problem. I’ve been too mellow and docile in every point of conflict, figuring the problem would resolve itself. I don’t think I can just say nothing anymore, but how do you argue with someone who can’t (or won’t) see reason?